Constant
by misshastix
Summary: Santana thought that Brittany would always be a constant in her life, but as she grows older she realises that nothing ever stays the same. When Brittany's future suddenly becomes uncertain, Santana makes the decision to go back for her and try to right all of her wrongs. Set about three years after their graduation.
1. i used to say i'd never let you go

_Santana reflects back on her high school life and her time with Brittany, and how she realises that she was too afraid of how fast things could change to really enjoy their relationship. When Brittany reveals some heart-breaking news, Santana realises that she needs to set things right in order for them both to be happy. Set approximately three years after their graduation._

* * *

**Constant** **[con-stuhnt]**

**_adjective 1. _**Not changing or varying; uniform; regular; invariable

* * *

_"Santana, I think it's for the best that you come this time."_

Rachel's statement echoed around in Santana's mind as she sat complacently on a cold New York city bench. She was wordlessly watched everyone walk past, continuing on with their own lives, as she contemplated hers. A random woman almost tripped over in front of her, but Santana did not laugh or make any jabs. The woman turned and smiled sheepishly at Santana, who replied with a penetrating glare, which made the woman quickly scuttle off in her black pumps, which were so high that Santana was honestly considering buying a pair for herself so that she could stab out her eardrums if Rachel continued to insist on rehearsing whatever song from whatever play, precisely at Santana's 'bedtime.' _  
_  
Every single night.

A flicker of a yellow movement caught Santana's eye and she glanced across the street. There was a blonde haired girl there who seemed to be in a rush. She had a coffee in one hand, and was juggling a few books in the other.

Santana's heart froze, but as the girl came closer, Santana realised that the girl looked nothing like _her. _Thinking of _her _reminded Santana of why she was sitting on that bench, thinking of what Rachel had said. Should she go with them this time? To their Glee reunion? Was it really for the best? And if it was, who was it benefitting more? Santana, or _her?_

* * *

It all started at 7:47 in the morning, the phone had started ringing. Santana had been sitting on the table, waiting patiently for her toast to pop up. Her eyes grazed over the digital clock in surprise. Who was calling so early? She picked up the phone hesitantly.

It was Sam.

Santana took awhile to recognise the voice on the other line, but once she realised who it was, she had hung up. The phone had rung again a minute later, at 7:48am, and Kurt had answered.  
He listened to Sam for only a few moments before his face had changed from one of happiness from hearing from an old friend, to a sad realisation that Sam did not have good news.

At 7:50am, Kurt had gestured to Santana to talk on the phone. Santana had refused. Blaine had talked instead. 7:53am. Blaine hung up the phone and started crying. Kurt rocked him in his arms and began to sing a lullaby that Santana vaguely recalled from her childhood.

Rachel had woken up at 8:21am. She had then wanted to know what was going on. Why was Santana just sitting at the table not moving, not doing anything? Why were Blaine and Kurt crying into each others arms? And she asked Santana, and continued to ask Santana that, because Blaine and Kurt had rendered themselves unable to speak. But really, Santana didn't answer because she still didn't know why Blaine and Kurt were crying, or what Sam had said. She didn't know. She didn't want to know.

At 8:53am, Blaine managed to say that Sam wanted to move their 'Glee Club Reunion' (a reunion they held at least twice a year) to next week because something had happened. And not something good. Brittany S. Pierce was sick.

Santana had wanted to ask how sick, but she found that she could no longer use her voice. She hadn't talked to Brittany in three years. Not since Brittany had left to MIT.  
There was something in Blaine's tone that implied that he had not meant that Brittany was sick with a common cold, or even the flu. It was something more. Much more.

At 9:20am, Santana found her tongue again. She announced that she was going to work even though it was an hour too early, because really, anything would be better than sitting here and listening to Kurt and Blaine cry. Also it would be another ten minutes and Rachel would be joining them.

Rachel told her to take the day off. No, she told them, right after she had told them that she was not going to go to their reunion thing. She didn't want to see Brittany. She was no longer any of her concern. Also, she wasn't going to mope around and cry like the rest of them. She had things to do, at least, that was what she had claimed, anyway.

It had been three years that she had had 'things to do' and this facade was not going to end just because she had heard about Brittany for the first time in those three years.

So she had gone to her work diligently and worked hard through the morning, or as hard as she could anyway. She was a receptionist to a law firm in the inner city so she had plenty of phone calls and scheduling to do to keep her mind preoccupied, and so she did not think of the mornings matter.

Until her lunchbreak, which started at one in the afternoon. At prompty 1:01pm, her mobile began to ring.

It was Rachel.

She'd considered not answering it because she knew what Rachel was going to say, but then she also contemplated the fact that a) Rachel would not stop calling her until she did pick up, and b) that the apartment may have burned down.

So she had.

"Santana, I think it's for the best that you come this time," she'd said straight away. There was no hi, nor a hello and Santana honestly found it plain rude.  
So she'd said simply, "Rude," because somewhat insulting Rachel was a lot better than hearing what Rachel had to say.

"Santana, I'm being serious," came the very serious sounding reply. Rachel's voice sounded choppy on the phone and Santana wanted to reach into it and strangle her; if only. Why did Rachel have to remind her about people from her past? Sure all the Glee club members were still BFF, but couldn't they honestly let Santana live her life out in peace?

"So am I," Santana wasn't even sure if her reply made sense in the context of the conversation. Her voice had undeniably taken on a severely grouchy tone and everyone in the lunch room looked at her in surprise. This included the creepy weird guy with the fuzzy orangey brown hair, she could never remember his name, or rather, wanted too, since he continued to hit on her persistently even though she'd told him countless times that she was a lesbian, and had even kissed another girl this one time in front of him to prove it.

She couldn't take everyones looks, also the weird guy was making a beeline towards her, so she quickly packed up her lunch and almost sprinted to the elevator. She'd then taken it downstairs and walked a fair way to her favourite park, which was a small one in the middle of somewhere, really, but it was quiet for most the time.

So she sat down on her favourite bench, and this was where she was now.

"Come to the Glee reunion. Britta..Brittany's sick, and I know you guys have history, but Santana please, I don't know what she has but what if it's ba..bad."

Santana sighed, trying to sound irritated. She hoped Rachel would get the message and hang up, but there remained the stoic silence on the other end and Santana knew that although she didn't want to hear Rachel's words, the silence was worse. She swallowed the own lump that was forming in her throat.

"It's honestly not a good idea," she said slowly, forming each word delicately. "Brittany probably doesn't want me there. You know how supportive I am as a person, Berry. I'd probably make it worse."

Rachel took a very un-Rachel long time to reply. She too, was thinking of each word to say, careful not to upset Santana too much. "Brittany's not just any person," she said softly. "You know what she means to you."

Santana couldn't make heads or tails of what Rachel had supposed to have meant by that, and she decided that thinking it through would make it worse.  
"She's nothing to me anymore," she wondered if Rachel could hear the lie in her voice. She wondered if there was even a point in lying. "It's been three years."

"Time is nothing to those we love," Rachel said and Santana wanted to hit her. What bastardly movie was Rachel quoting now in their serious conversation?

"Whatever, Berry," Santana pinched the bridge between her eyes in an attempt to not throw her phone against the nearest tree. "What's she have, anyway?"

Curiosity kills the cat.

"Sam won't tell us over the phone," Rachel's tone shifted to a somewhat indignant one. "Brittany wants to tell us in person. Please come, Santana."

This conversation was getting nowhere and Santana wanted it over.  
"I don't think so," was her firm response. "I'm at work, please don't call me again."

* * *

So she'd hung up. She continued to watch the nameless blonde girl who wasn't _her _until she disappeared completely from Santana's view. She then looked up at the sky, so many thoughts running through her mind. She began thinking of all the things she had experienced in the past.

Her memories. Their memories. Memories were a funny thing. They were based on experiences. An embarrassing experience can create a memory that will run through your mind every time you have nothing else you can think of, just so that familiar surge of embarrassment, the one you felt the time it was actually happening, can be felt again. But embarrassment was not a feeling that Santana usually felt. Shame. Anger. Regret. Pain. Those she felt almost every day. The memories that came with those emotions are the ones she tried so hard to block out.

And block them out she could, and did. Sometimes when Rachel or Kurt, or even someone from Lima who called to check how she was time to time, mentioned 'her' name, the name that Rachel and Kurt had learned the hard way when she had first come to New York, to not mention, well, sometimes she didn't really feel anything. Sometimes she pretended to not even know who she was. "Oh, her?" she would say with a light smile on her face. "She's at MIT now. Isn't that great?"

And she would smile at the person, whether it be Mercedes or Quinn, or whoever, because for Santana, the smile she wore on her face when they talked about 'her' wasn't a fake one, though the other person may have thought , the smile was a real one.

Santana was genuinely happy that Brittany was many, many miles away from New York. It meant that they couldn't accidentally run into each other on the bus on the way to work, or on the subway, or even on the streets.

It meant that they couldn't catch up for coffee to see how the others life was going, it meant they couldn't perform together at the almost abandoned and kind of weird karaoke bar that Rachel insisted on singing at every so often when Santana was drunk enough to agree, it meant that there was absolutely no chance of Santana ever running into her while she was trying to live her life away from Lima and everything else she had left behind there.

So why would she go back to see her now so easily after keeping her distance for so long just because something had changed? Just because Brittany was sick?

She was no longer interested in the person that Brittany had become. Because she was sure that she was no longer the Brittany that she had fallen in love with. Because things change, and people change, and Santana was not interested in someone that was no longer constant with the memories she had of them.

So she had finished her work and had gotten past the day. Just a completely normal day at work. Nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing to remind her of Brittany.

Until she got home, that was.

She arrived in front of the apartment at her usual time. She stood outside the door for a moment, not sure what she should say when she entered, but then shrugged it off and walked in. The entire apartment was silent.

Berry was sitting at the bench, reading some gossip magazine from the stack that the lady across the hall had given them. She was dressed in some kind of leotard so Santana assumed that she had at least gone to her dance class at NYADA somewhere during the day. At least she hoped that was why Rachel was in that kind of attire. She didn't want Rachel working a corner or anything like that just so she could afford the rent.

She looked around the room again to see where the other two boys were, and soon found Blaine and Kurt spooning each other on the couch in the loungeroom.  
"Oh, for fucks sakes, really?" she rolled her eyes. Rachel looked up from her magazine with a solemn look on her face. "Welcome home, Santana," she said in response, and followed Santana's gaze to Kurt and Blaine.

"They couldn't at least do that in Kurt's room?" Santana continued, avoiding Rachel's gaze. The last thing she wanted Rachel to do was to take her chance to pressure Santana into going to the reunion.  
Rachel shrugged. "I did give Blaine permission to live on our couch during the summer break. I kind of assumed he'd move into Kurt's room too, but I guess he took me literally. They are engaged, you know, they need time together."

"I know," Santana grumbled, grabbing an aspirin from the top cupboard. She hoped Rachel would notice and assume that Santana had a headache and therefore wouldn't bother her.

"Well, I'm going to my room," Santana said, feigning a smile. "Going to go to bed early since I have work early. Night!"

Rachel frowned. "Santana, it's five in the afternoon."

Santana opened her mouth for an excuse but couldn't think of one. It was then she realised she had given Rachel her opportunity to start.

"Santana, I-"

"Whoa, Berry, I don't want to hear it."

"No," Rachel interrupted her again. "You do. I tried to pass time today, because of you know," she said, referring to the phone call. Santana tried really hard to turn off her ears because she knew she didn't want to hear anything about Brittany, and there was no point telling Berry to shut up once she had started, so Santana would just have to bear the brunt of it.

"And I went to your room to get a book, as you said you didn't mind if I did, and a piece of paper fell out from one of the books. I opened it, out of curiosity of course, but then I realised it was from Brittany."

Santana froze. She had heard the name so many times this morning and usually it sounded strange when said aloud in their quiet kitchen, as if it were something out of place and didn't belong. Kind of like Santana's insults whe she spewed them out, well, anywhere. But there was also a suprising serenity to it as well, as if Rachel had had the courage to say it out loud again at a time like this, and so casually, that there was nothing wrong with the name, or the person it referred to, to begin with.

She dared herself to say the name out loud. "Brittany?" Santana eventually echoed. She surprised herself with how easy the name rolled off her tongue even though she hadn't said it out loud in almost three years.

Rachel merely nodded as if she had not noticed the major breakthrough for Santana, and then handed her a tiny, scrunched up piece of paper. Santana frowned, wondering what could possibly have been written on something so small. She took it gingerly between her fingers as if the thing were diseased, then she excused herself to her room.

"Please come, Santana."

Santana didn't respond, and she didn't think that Rachel was looking for a response anyway. She looked at the piece of paper scrunched up in her hand and then threw it under her bed. Maybe she'd deal with it another day. Another day when Kurt, Blaine and Rachel were off wherever the reunion was being held, probably Brittany's house if she had one, and she was in their New York apartment alone. Yeah, she wasn't going to go.

She sat down on her bed and turned the TV on for background noise. Some reality show was playing and Santana couldn't be less interested. She curled up into a small ball and wrestled her head into her blanket.

Santana seemed plagued by the own unawareness that her senses had conveniently blocked from her. She felt like she was standing outside a locked door that couldn't be opened; not that she had tried, but what was behind the door was everything. Happiness, joy, love.

And she couldn't make herself open it, it was like she was frozen in place, trapped, confined in a never-ending cycle that would eventually lead to the end of her. The start of the circle was the day she had left Brittany behind, and ever since then, all she had done was go around and around, like a mouse on an exercise wheel.

She had wanted to get off of it, or out of it, it wasn't a fun ride, but everything she did never seemed to make this recurring endlessness go away. And for some strange, sick reason, she liked it, as negative as her connotations made it seem. It was some kind of guilty pleasure; like she didn't really deserve a fulfilled life after she had found her 'one' and then had left her behind like she was nothing.

She turned her gaze to the TV because her head was much too loud and she was thinking of things that she didn't want to deal with, particularly one blonde girl, and she laughed monotonously at the people on TV because their lives were under scrutiny by people who had no idea who they truly were inside.

But then again, did anyone else really know who anyone else was on the inside?

Two hours had then passed until she heard Kurt, Blaine and Rachel chattering in the kitchen. She tried to focus back on the TV show, but she couldn't.

Not when she could overhear the others outside make plans to visit Brittany. _Her _Brittany.

She shook her head, and decided that chocolate could make everything better. She remembered that she still had a block of it that she had thrown under her bed so no-one would take it, and she flung her upper body downwards so she could check. The room was only illuminated by the television light, so she scanned the floor for a silver wrapper, and instead, a small white piece of paper caught her eye, and even though she soon found the silver wrapper, she found herself picking up the white piece of paper.

"Dammit," she muttered, hoisting herself back on the bed. "Dammit Santana."

She knew this was coming. She knew she wouldn't have the restraint to not read the letter as soon as possible. She looked at the small crumpled piece of paper in her hands. It was tiny, so there couldn't really be anything worthwhile on it, right?

What if it was new? She knew she had to face this somehow, but she was hoping it was sooner rather than later.

Come on, Santana, staighten yourself up. Just read it.

She took a deep breath, but her hand was shaking too much to open it.  
Instead she felt her heart plumage down so low in her body she wondered how it hadn't just fallen out, and how it managed to still beat even though her hands were shaking uncontrollably to the point where she couldn't even open a _stupid _piece of paper.

She had built up such a hard exterior when she was younger; high school will do that too you, but as she stared at the piece of paper, her hard exterior began to crumble away just like it had when Brittany was with her.

"_Remember when you said we'd be alright?"_

They were Brittany's words, and it seemed almost ironic to think of them at a time like this. Here was Santana, three years after a break-up and still hopelessly in love with this one girl that she couldn't seem to get over, and then there was Brittany, somewhere a few states over, sick with something Santana did not know, something she did not want to know.

She wondered if Brittany meant 'we' as in a relationship term. If they would be alright together as a couple, if they would face obstacles together and overcome them together. Or if she meant 'we' as in a 'you and me' two separate entities, though together, still apart. You are alright, physically, and mentally, maybe not emotionally, but then there was Brittany, and Santana did not know if she was physically, mentally or emotionally okay, but that couldn't be helped, could it?

She clenched her jaw as uncontrollable sobs racked through her body, shaking her tiny frame as she remained huddled on her bed. Brittany was supposed to have been okay. That was the plan. She was meant to have a happy, normal life without Santana, that was why Santana had left her, because she thought being there with her would have the opposite effect.

Rage burst through Santana, it was a familiar feeling and she was almost comforted; she had always taken a sick pleasure in being angry, it made her feel alive. But who was she mad at Brittany, or her? They were the only two players in this game and the responsibility could not fall on anybody else. She thought that they would never end; that they would continue playing this game of love forever, and she decided to finally admit to herself that she had tried to deny for the past three years but had ultimately failed, and she said it out loud, just once, as a conformity for herself.

"I still care."

She cared, still, about Brittany, so much, and it wasn't in a friends way, since they'd been friends longer than they were lovers, but it was more in an intimate sense. She didn't want anyone else to know Brittany like she did; or to care for her as she did. She was selfish, but she had been in love and maybe that was her only punishments for her deeds.

But then they had separated and though Santana may never have fallen out of love with her first love; she had fallen out of like. She couldn't possibly like a person that she no longer knew; she no longer knew Brittany, and that was the hardest and saddest reality of it all.

And after awhile, Santana had maybe grown to accept that. She would eventually move on, _completely, _she would meet a nice girl, they'd get married, have kids, maybe, and then she'd live out her retirement somewhere nice, like Hawaii. Maybe she'd catch up with Brittany and the other Glee clubbers once in awhile, but it would be nothing more than a reunion of old friends. There'd be no lingering or confused feelings, none.

But no, now Brittany was 'sick.' Sure, Santana had roughly planned out her life, but she'd also sub-consciously convinced herself that Brittany would follow out a similar plan, although she'd end up marrying a nice boy OR girl. But now what if that didn't go to plan? What if Santana wasn't able to fully get over her because there was something wrong with Brittany? Santana had always promised to be there for her, and she knew after their break-up Brittany never expected Santana to follow up on it, but was she obliged too now? Because she was actually sick?

She tried to soothe herself. What if Brittany did get better and everyone was just overreacting because they were drama queens? After all, she didn't even really know what Brittany had. Maybe it was pneumonia. That was really serious, but people recovered from that most of the time.

But what if they weren't?

The idea of going to the 'Glee Club Reunion' flashed through her mind. Ever since that whole reunion business had started, Santana had skipped every single one of them, and it wasn't because she didn't miss her friends, she did, she skyped with them every chance she got, but because she would have seen Brittany there, and she didn't think that she could deal with it.  
She had gone once though. It had been about a year and a half ago when she was told that Brittany couldn't make it because of her exam schedule. There would be absolutely no chance of seeing her there, so she'd gone. And she knew that everyone had finally figured out why she avoided every other one.

She got out her phone and scrolled through her contacts. Her thumb rested on one name in particular. She's probably changed her number, Santana told herself. Why would she keep the same number for the three years?

For the same reason you have, maybe? Her inner voice said.  
Santana's eyes narrowed and she delicately pressed the name. The number she had familiarised so well as a teenager seemed strange to her, just a mere jumble of numbers, not something that used to run through her mind everytime she picked up a phone, regardless of whose it was.

She pressed call, curiosity getting the better of her. The person answered in two rings, and Santana froze at the voice.  
It had been three years since they had spoken, but the voice sounded exactly the same. Santana wasn't sure why she thought it would have changed. Shouldn't it have become more mature or something? But it hadn't.  
She was struck by fear. She hadn't expected that Brittany would still have the same number. Why did she?  
"Hello?" the voice said again.  
Santana didn't reply, her fingers moving quickly to the 'end call' button, but she wasn't fast enough.  
"Santana?" the voice sounded really surprised, and Santana slapped her hand over her mouth to try and compress any noise that she would eventually make. Her finger managed to clumsily touch the screen and the phone beeped as it hung up.

How childish she was.

She rolled onto her back, trying to forget that ever happened, but Brittany's voice started running through her mind again.

She wondered if she knew then what she knew now, would she have gone to all those reunions? Tried to actually talk to Brittany on the phone every month? To hear that voice?  
She'd never deleted Brittany's number, or changed hers, just in case..but it soon occurred to Santana that Brittany had never changed her number either, or deleted Santana's. What if Brittany had been hoping for what Santana had been hoping for all this time? What if.

The thought of the blonde girl swirled in Santana's mind a bit more, and a fierce determination swayed through her.

It was time to read the letter.

She opened it slowly and read it. It was only one line, but that line meant so much to her. It was written in crayon and that made Santana's heart ache.

It meant more to her than if someone had written an entire essay proclaiming their love for her. Someone who _wasn't _Brittany. She read it again. She read it for the third time, and the fourth time, and she said every single word out loud until they became foreign to her.

**Dear Santana,**

**I took my love and I took it down.**


	2. the landslide will bring you down

_Santana lay on Brittany's pink and white striped bedsheets as she stared at the fan on Brittany's ceiling, lost in thought.  
"What do you think of Noah Puckerman?" Santana's fourteen year old voice wasn't as deep as it was when she was older. In fact, it was rather squeaky.  
Brittany smiled absent-mindedly. She had her long dancers legs curled perfectly under her as she was perched on the leather chair that matched her desk. She gripped the edges of her desk and used it to swing herself around until she was facing her new best friend._

_Santana and Brittany had been 'best friends' for about two months now. They clicked really fast together, Santana the leader and Brittany her faithful follower. It was a perfect match for both of their personalities since Santana sometimes needed someone to hold her back, and Brittany needed someone to push her forward._

_"Puckerman?" Brittany's face turned into a frown. She liked boys, sure, but she didn't particularly like Santana talking about them, though she didn't know why._  
_"Is that the really tall one?"_

_"No, that's Finn," Santana spoke really slowly, grabbing a handful of the fabric underneath her and twirling it between her fingers. Puck had been on her trail for the past two weeks, after it had become abundantly clear that Quinn wasn't going to return his 'feelings.' Having Puck for a boyfriend would do wonders for her social reputation, but she wondered if she was attracted to him only for that._

_"Oh," was all that Brittany replied with. She nibbled the edge of her hand as it rested on the top of her chair. Santana rolled her head until she was facing Brittany, but turned away instantly as she noticed how high the red Cheerios skirt was sitting on Brittany's otherwise bare legs. She blushed._

_"I think Quinn likes him, anyway," Santana straightened out her voice so that it came out evenly. She lifted one leg absent-mindedly and laid it flat on the bed. "Finn, I mean, not Puck."_

_"Oh," Brittany said again, sliding off of the desk chair. She sat next to Santana on her bed, half hovering over her. She opened her mouth to ask Santana who she thought the hottest girls out of all the Cheerios were, but stopped as she saw the other girl blush. She cocked her head slightly._

_The closeness of Brittany made blood rush up into Santana's cheeks as she looked up at her. She suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable, and she sprang off the bed as if she had been shot. "I need to pee," she announced loudly. Brittany half-shrugged and half-nodded and Santana scurried out into the ball. Brittany stared after her, wondering if the toilet was really the reason for Santana's sudden departure, but she decidedly shrugged it off. It couldn't possibly mean that much, perhaps she has reading into it too much. She thought of Santana lying flat on her bed and suddenly she was the one blushing. She shook her head to herself, running her finger along the outline that Santana had imprinted into her bedsheets, then lay down next to it._

_Santana walked down the hall and into the bathroom that the two Pierce sisters shared. Luckily there was no way it could be occupied since Brittany had taken Lillian, Brittany's five year old sister, to ballet. She walked up to the mirror, shutting the door quietly behind her, and felt irritated as she saw how red her cheeks were, and how obvious it was since her hair was tied up out of her face in the signature Cheerios ponytail. She turned the tap on and cupped her hands under it, splashing some water on her face, careful to avoid her carefully done mascara._

_What was she doing? What was she thinking?_

_The familiar notion of a warm and bubbly nervous feeling was arising in her._  
_This wasn't the first time she had felt like this, not at all._

_The very first time had been, well, the very first moment she had first seen Brittany in the locker rooms after their very first Cheerios practise. She had been feeling kind of bummed since Sue had yelled at her (and everyone else) every two minutes and she had felt like shit, that was, until she looked to her right and noticed a very tall, leggy blonde drinking from her water bottle. The blonde had turned and smiled at her with her piercing blue eyes, and suddenly Santana had felt tingly from her toes all the way to the tips of her hair. Who was she?_

_She was Brittany S. Pierce. A name that once Santana said out loud for the first time in front of her mirror that very night as she practised calling her in the hallways and after Cheerios practise, it would never, ever be forgotten._

_The two became fast friends after that. Brittany was, well, quirky. The two of them would be walking in the halls, and then she would just blurt out some random sentence. And later, when Santana googled it, she would realise that that sentence was actually a random fact and Brittany wasn't actually spouting off bullshit like everyone else, including Quinn, thought she was. And even though the highest mark that Brittany had ever gotten in the time that Santana knew her, was a 26/100 (and that was mainly because Santana had let her copy the start of her test before the teacher realised what was going on and separated them) Santana knew that Brittany was really smart in her own special way. And maybe she was really the only one that appreciated it._

_And Brittany too, as she lay there, staring at an old photo of Lord Tubbington when he was a kitten, drifted off into thought of the girl in the room a few doors down._  
_Santana Lopez._  
_Brittany had never really had a real friend before. It wasn't that she was a dork, it was just that she was kind of 'half' friends with everyone. Before she met Santana, she would drift from group to group before she would tire of their mediocre conversations and then move on to another. But there was something about the singularity, the confidence, of this one girl that made Brittany feel like she had actually found a real friend. A real best friend._  
_And so she had told Santana so, though she was nervous, because the other girl was really popular, and she had Quinn, who was basically the queen bee of the school. Why would she want to be best friends with Brittany?_  
_But the tanner girl had been delighted, so delighted in fact, that she had brought Brittany a jumbo pack of Crayola crayons the next day. She knew Brittany, for some reason and even despite the fact she was in high school, loved and openly used crayons on a daily basis._  
_She had wrapped it carefully in a striped pink box, similar to Brittany's bedsheets, and left it in her locker. And when the blonde girl had found them, she was pretty sure that they would be friends forever._

_Yes, friends forever, that's what they'd be, Santana thought as she dried her face. Just..friends, forever._

_Why did Santana find herself wanting something more? She was straight, wasn't she? She liked Puckerman, that cocky guy with the mohawk, didn't she? But there was something that was so appealing about Brittany that she never felt when she looked at Puck, or when his hungry eyes travelled down her body. The way he looked at her, she should feel wanted, right? But she didn't. She kind of felt repulsed. But Brittany, when Brittany looked at her, Santana could feel herself become nervous and twitchy. She stuttered and stumbled over easy sentences and she blushed so easily that her face was almost permanently red when she could feel the blonde staring at her._

_Brittany's eyes flickered up as she saw Santana standing in her doorframe. Her eyes darted downards towards Santana's perfect legs and she looked away quickly, wondering if Santana has noticed._  
_She hadn't, and Santana came and sat down next to Brittany the way that Brittany had sat by her before._  
_"Hey, kiddo," Santana said. "I'm back." As if it were not obvious._

_"You were gone awhile," Brittany pouted. "Are you constipated? Do you need laxatives..because I-"_  
_"No, no," Santana cut her off, almost ashamed by how close the two of them had gotten in the past few months so much to the point where a fourteen year old could seriously say the word 'constipated' and not laugh or joke about it. "I kind of just zoned out, sorry."_  
_"Yeah, I zone out too," Brittany said, her eyes drifting over Santana's chest because it seemed to be bigger than it was last week. "I'm pretty sure I zoned out so much yesterday that some aliens kidnapped me and interrogated me with questions. I'm also pretty sure I was probed. On their spaceship."_

_Santana giggled because even though it was ridiculous, Brittany said the weirdest shit sometimes, and when she would say these things, her face would be dead serious, her eyes concentrating as she remembered exactly what she was going to say, and whether she was joking or not, her face and body would never betray her. She playfully smacked her friends thigh. "Sure," she agreed. Brittany smiled warmly. Santana never teased her for the stuff she said, unlike everybody else._

_The two sat in silence for awhile, and everytime Santana breathed in, she could smell Brittany's warm vanilla scent. It smelt so good, that if it were a perfume, Santana would spray it all over herself and her room and her locker..and everything.._  
_She zoned out again briefly, memorising the scent just in case one day it would disappear. The thought made her sick to her stomach so she pushed it away. No, her and Brittany would be friends forever. She was sure of it. She would make sure of it._  
_"Mmm," she smiled contentedly. She heard Brittany give a small giggle at her murmur and she turned her face to smile at the blonde, ready to tell how how lucky she was to have found such a great friend at such a shitty school._

_But Santana was unprepared for the sight of Brittany next to her. The blonde was gazing at Santana so intensely that Santana almost knew what was about to happen, what could happen if she allowed it._

_Brittany's face was shining and her eyes were twinkling. Her mouth was slightly open and pointed downwards, but she wasn't upset._  
_And as Santana stared down at her, she knew what Brittany wanted. Her heart began beating so fast that she was so sure it would jump out of her chest, or at the very least, she would have to be rushed to the hospital due to a cardiac arrest._  
_She was so scared. Terrified. Should she kiss her? What would it mean? How was she even supposed to kiss a girl properly? Was it the same as kissing a boy?_

_Why was she even thinking about kissing a girl? Kissing her best friend? Wasn't it wrong?_

_Brittany was beginning to prop herself up so she could reach Santana, because she realised the other girl was not going to move._  
_But before she knew what was happening, Santana sprang back quickly._  
_"I have to go," Santana said so fast and so shrilly, Brittany barely understood it._  
_But what she did understand was that Santana had left her. She heard the front door slam and she rolled over into her pillow, unable to stop the sobs and shakes that had suddenly taken over her body. Had she been wrong? The look on Santana's face though.._  
_Had she been wrong in assuming that Santana also wanted what she wanted?_

_For them, to be together? Was she wrong?_

_Brittany didn't remember how long she lay there. She heard the front door opening and closing and hope rose up in her. Had Santana come back? But she soon heard small thumps up the stairs and a tiny head poking around her doorframe. All hope died within her._  
_"Hey, Brittany!" her sister was so chipper that it made Brittany feel worse._  
_"Hey," she mumbled, and her sister disappeared, racing downstairs as if someone were chasing her._  
_"Hey, Brittany!" her mum called from downstairs. Brittany grunted loudly in reply._  
_She stared at her phone, waiting for..something..anything. She opened Facebook and continued to refresh the browser. Maybe Santana's phone had died. Maybe she had inboxed her instead to say sorry for rushing out like that. Or maybe Brittany should inbox her and tell her she was sorry. Maybe she could say that she just assumed that they could practise kissing each other before the real thing, before they kissed..boys._

_Another hour went by and there was nothing. Soft music from a few years ago began playing downstairs and she could hear her mother humming softly to it as she began to cook dinner. Suddenly Brittany had an idea. She didn't know if Santana liked this kind of music, or music at all, but it was worth a shot, wasn't it? Could things possibly get worse anyway?_

_She opened up her voice recording on her phone as she began to play a melody in the background. She sang softly into it, closing her eyes and briefly thinking of all things Santana as she sang. She didn't even know if she could sing or if her voice was terrible or great, but she needed Santana to hear this._  
_She opened up Santana's name on her message bank and attached the saved file._  
_She added no words because she decided nothing else needed to be said._  
_This song was enough._

* * *

_Santana lay down in her bed, her head feeling like it weighed a hundred kilos against her feathery pillow. Her entire house was encased in silence. Her mother presumably out at a relatives, and her father staying late at work. Again._

_She mustered the energy to roll over and turn her phone on. Nothing._  
_Her heart sank again. She'd been waiting for about three hours. It had been her fault that she had run out, but she still hoped that Brittany would text her. Saying something._  
_Anything._

_It was getting late outside. The darkness was settling over her room and Santana decided she'd rather just stay in her bed than get up to turn her light on._

_What had happened? Why had Brittany wanted to kiss her? Why did she want to kiss Brittany back?_  
_I'm straight, she told herself angrily, burying her face further in her pillow. And I'm going to prove it by dating Puck. Or Finn. Or Matt. Or any boy out there._  
_She wouldn't talk to Brittany anymore._  
_But the more she told herself that, the more her thoughts disgusted her. It wasn't what she wanted. They weren't what she wanted._

_Suddenly her phone lit up, indiciating that she had a message. She didn't miss how her heart skipped a beat when she saw Brittany's name at the top of the message. Or how her mind felt light and fluffy once more._  
_She pressed read, but there were no words in the message. Instead attached, was a song file._  
_Santana frowned, but clicked on it. She turned it down, somewhat scared it would be something violent, like Brittany yelling or a recording of an angry person or something that just seemed really Brittany-esque, but all she heard was soft music droning on in the background so she turned it up._

_**I took my love, and I took it down.**_

_Santana recognized the voice singing it straight away and her eyes widened in surprise. She knew the song, Landslide, but she didn't really know what it meant. Or why Brittany had chosen to sing it. She didn't even know Brittany could sing. Her voice was so sweet and calming, so much that it soothed the confusion out of Santana._  
_With a fierce determination that she didn't know she had, she sprung out of her bed and threw on her sweater._  
_She knew what she had to do, and she had to do it now before it was too late._  
_It was only three words, after all._

_**I climbed a mountain, and I turned around.**_

_Santana's head pounded as she locked her front security door and hesitantly walked down the pathway to the sidewalk.  
Maybe she was too young to be questioning her sexuality. Maybe she wasn't.  
Maybe whatever her sexuality was, it didn't matter. How could people define her with labels such as bi or lesbian when they didn't know how she felt inside? How she felt so safe and secure with Brittany? How she could imagine comfortably spending the rest of her life with this one blonde girl that had made her take a step back, no, she had made her do an entire 180 degree turn, and re-examine everything that she had ever believed in?  
Was her, her parents, or anyone else supposed to know that the first three special words to be uttered to someone would be said to a girl?_

_**And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hill, where the landslide brought me down.**_

_Santana began to run down the street, realising that if she kept up the pace she was going now, she would reach Brittany's house by tomorrow evening.  
She was not sure whether her heart was beating fast because she was so nervous or because of how far she had run in such a short time. Her running turned into a quick halt when she reached the cracked concrete driveway that lead to Brittany's front door. She stood outside it for a few moments, gathering her breath. Her eyes darted up quicky to where she saw Brittany's window, the room illuminated slightly by Brittany's lampshade._

_If she wanted too, she could turn around now. She could turn around and ignore Brittany for the rest of their McKinley high life. Then one day she would get out of here and never have to see or talk about Brittany again. Maybe she could pretend that she didn't have these feelings for the girl in this house that she stood outside, inside her. She would date Noah, she would sleep with Noah, and she would pretend that she wasn't a .. a ..le.._

_Three words, Santana, it's only three words. It doesn't define you. It won't define you._

**_Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?_**

_Santana sucked in her breath as she hammered on the front door. Mrs. Pierce answered after one knock, as if she had some kind of super power and she knew that Santana would come over at that very minute.  
"Santana!" she exclaimed, as bubbly as ever. "Great to see you here! How's things?"  
Santana looked up at her, wanting to tell Brittany's mother that she had actually been here, at her house, a few hours ago, and she hadn't of known.  
And that was where she was beginning to see a difference between falling in love with a boy, and falling in love with a girl.  
If she had been a boy, would Mrs. Pierce be so happy to see her? Would she have allowed her eldest daughter to be best friends with a boy? To always constantly be with him? Would she be allowing a boy inside her house at almost eight thirty at night to see her daughter?  
Santana knew the answer was no and it made her knees feel weak.  
Mrs. Pierce was only happy because Santana was a girl. And there was no risk of her ever walking into Brittany's room unannounced to see her getting it on with another girl.  
Because those things just did not happen in Lima.  
Girls didn't fall in love with girls.  
__**  
Can the child within my heart, rise above?**_

_As Mrs. Pierce moved out of the way to allow Santana up the stairs, she almost collided with a five year old Lillian who cheerfully said, "Hi Santan-tan!"  
Santana stopped, looking at the five year old nervously.  
"Hey, Lillian," she said softly. "How are you?"  
The blonde five year old, a spitting image of her older sister, stuck her thumb in her mouth. "Good, good," she said. "What are you and Brittany going to do in her room?"  
Santana froze and her eyes darted over to the five year old, as if somehow she had managed to guess what Santana was about to do, and what the result may be afterwards.  
She's five, Santana reminded herself, she doesn't even know how to do multiplication equations, how do you think she knows you're about to confess your love for her sister?  
"Just talk," Santana said smoothly, feeling the heat rise up to her cheeks.  
"Cool," Lillian said, but she still didn't move out of Santana's way, forcing Santana to make eye contact with her again.  
She saw nothing but innocence in the child's eyes. If she went and confessed to Brittany now, and for some reason, what the other girl had attempted to do before, wasn't an anamoly, and she felt the same way, then what was going to happen afterwards?  
What if Brittany's parents walked in on them doing ..stuff? What if Lillian walked in? What if she was the reason this young girls innocence was going to be destroyed? How much would change if she continued on with this seemingly doomed-from-the-start mission?  
If she really loved Brittany, maybe she should just turn around and head home. Pretend this never happened. Pretend her phone was playing up and she had never received the song.  
Maybe Brittany would pretend too.  
"Cya later," Lillian said after awhile, breaking Santana's hurried thoughts. She delicately moved out of Santana's way and headed downstairs.  
"I really like Tan-tan," she heard Lillian tell her mother in a child-like simplicity.  
"So do I," Santana heard Mrs. Pierce reply in a warm voice. "I'm happy that Brittany found such a great best friend."  
Best friend? Whenever Brittany used to call her, her best friend, it used to make Santana feel warm and fuzzy inside. She was somebody's best friend. Someone liked her best. Someone liked her the most. And she returned those 'best friends' feelings right back. Nothing had ever made her feel happier. Not making the Cheerios, not being friends with the most popular Quinn.  
Brittany always made her feel the happiest.  
So now the words 'best friend' didn't bring the same joy as they may have a few months ago. This wasn't friendship to Santana, not anymore.  
No, this was love, and she wasn't going to deny it any longer._

**_Can I sail through the changing ocean and tides?_**

_She burst into Brittany's bedroom. Brittany looked up, startled. "What, Santana? I-"  
But Santana didn't let Brittany speak. She closed Brittany's door quietly and then turned the lock, which made Brittany's eyes widen in surprise.  
"Please don't speak," she pleaded and Brittany nodded, pursing her lips and cocking her head sightly to the side. Santana walked over to her slowly, maintaining eye contact with Brittany's blue eyes the entire way. She felt warm inside as she memorised the outline of the girl she loved against the mild light that illuminated her. Brittany shuffled back slightly on her bed, allowing Santana to sit down next to her. Santana nodded her thanks, and Brittany cocked her head slightly, allowing Santana to speak.  
"I'm sorry for running out on your earlier. I..I..have something that I..need to tell you."  
__**  
Can I handle the seasons of my life?**_

_Brittany merely looked at her with an unsurprised expression on her face. Santana's gaze dropped to the floor. Was she right in doing this?_  
_Suddenly the situation felt way too real._  
_This was wrong. So wrong._  
_She felt like getting up and running back to her home, somewhere where she would be alone and safe. Somewhere, where later on, her parents would come home to their straight child and they would all continue their lives as if this had never happened._  
_She was ready to flee in that moment. Her muscles were tensed and she was eyeing the door._  
_She couldn't look at Brittany. One look and she would change her mind. One look and this would ruin her perfect life forever. One look and.._

_She flinched when Brittany gently grabbed her chin and lifted her head up so that the two of them were staring eye to eye. Santana swallowed audibly and began to shake her head, though Brittany held her grasp._  
_"I think I know what you want to say," Brittany said gently. Santana's eyes widened at Brittany's soft tone. "And..I don't think you want to say it though at the same time, because of..reasons I guess."_

_Santana stared at her, wondering how people managed to call Brittany stupid when she was a ..genius. How did she know what Santana was about to say? What she wanted all the time? How she felt?_  
_Brittany was a genius._  
_"What? I.."_  
_"Shh," Brittany placed her finger to her lips. "It's alright Santana I understand. I understand because I love you."_

_**Well I've been afraid of changing because I've built my life around you.**_

_'I love you, and I will never want anyone else.'  
So close.  
She was so close to saying it.  
But she couldn't.  
She still couldn't accept how she felt, even when she was sitting in front of Brittany on her bed and Brittany had just told her that she loved her.  
Her. Santana.  
Who could love her? How did she deserve someone as pure as Brittany when she was too cowardly to do this one simple thing that no more than half an hour ago she had set her mind too it?_

_Hurt flashed through Brittany's eyes when she realised Santana wasn't going to say it back, but when Santana blinked, the pain in Brittany's eyes was no longer there._  
_"Really?" was all Santana managed to muster._  
_Brittany felt her heart plummet in her chest. She had expected this. Expected Santana to freak out and not accept this situation for what it was._  
_But it was okay. Because she loved Santana, and she knew deep down, Santana loved her too. After all, she had come back for her, hadn't she?_

_Brittany nodded slowly and grabbed Santana's hand. She flinched and Brittany felt the tears pool up in her eyes, even though she tried so hard to stop them. Was Santana now scared of her touch? Was that how much things had changed in just a day?_  
_It hurt that Santana was denying her. It hurt so much._

**_But time make you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older, too._**

_Courage.  
Santana needed courage for what she was about to do. She had no words to express how she felt, but the longer she stared at Brittany, and her body, there was something that she really had to do. She inched closer to the other girl and felt almost relief when she didn't back away.  
Her lips then plummeted clumsily against Brittany's own. They were soft and tasted exactly how they looked. Brittany pulled back in surprise, but raised an eyebrow as her gaze briefly ran over Santana's body, sending a shiver up Santana's spine.  
The two girls stared at each other for a minute more, and Santana almost gave a small nod as the two girls leaned forward in a rush to meet the other again. She nudged Brittany expectantly with her lips and soon she was tasting her tongue, her mouth, everything. Her sweaty hands reached for the fabric of Brittany's Cheerio's top and pulled it up over her head until she knelt there in just her red skirt and red bra.  
"You're beautiful," Santana breathed and Brittany's lips curled up slightly as she stripped Santana down to nothing but her underwear.__**  
**__Santana's fingers glided over Brittany's thighs and under her skirt. She pulled down Brittany's articles of clothing clumsily. She was so inexperienced. She didn't know what to do. She knew how boy and girl sex worked, but she didn't know how..this kind of sex did.  
What if she fucked up? What if Brittany knew what to do and she was just not saying anything because she didn't want to embarrass Santana?  
Brittany looked up and gave a small giggle. The sound relaxed Santana. She pressed against Brittany's front, urging the other girl to lie on her back. Brittany complied and she shifted herself up the bed and made room for Santana between her legs. Santana eased between them and placed one hand on each of Brittany's thighs, forcing her legs apart. Unsure of what to do next, she leaned forward and kissed Brittany again on the lips. She drew back, suddenly feeling very heated, when Brittany loudly whispered something in her ear.  
"I don't know how this works."  
Santana nuzzled her nose against the other girls neck.  
"Neither," she said. "But we'll figure it out. We'll figure everything out."_

_**Well, I'm getting older, too. So, I take this love and I take it down, yeah.**_

_The two of them lay wordlessly next to each other, their bare legs entangled against each other, feeling the others warmth. Brittany began to lightly trace her finger up Santana's stomach, and Santana drummed her nails onto Brittany's waist, admiring the delicate curve of the other girl, but then looked away ashamed when she saw Brittany notice.  
"Is there anything you wanted to say Santana?"  
"Will you just hold me?"  
"For as long as I can."_

_**If you climbed a mountain, and you turned around.**_  
**_And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, where the landslide brought me down._**

_"One day you'll figure it out," Brittany said. Santana's mind briefly flashed back to what she had just said earlier. Before they had lost their virginity. To each other.  
"Figure what out?" Santana swallowed. "This means nothing. Friends sleep with friends together all the time, right? It's high school."  
Brittany didn't flinch. She had expected it, though it hurt all the same. She had been waiting for this ever since Santana had kissed her. Santana would suddenly realise what she was doing, then she would think of what others thought of her, then she would quickly mold back into the shape that the others had formed her into.  
Maybe it should have annoyed Brittany more, but it didn't. Her parents were so accepting. She could marry a unicorn tomorrow and probably still have their full blessings.  
Santana on the other hand. Others opinions would always matter to her.  
They would matter more to her than Brittany did.  
She ran her long fingers along Santana's legs and felt her stiffen. She sighed sadly. So close and yet so far.  
"Yeah," she agreed. "Friends with benefits, right?"  
"Yeah," Santana said numbly, her entire body aching as she said the lie.  
"Friends with benefits."  
Those weren't the three words that she had been planning to say.  
__**  
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well maybe, the landslide will bring you down.**_

* * *

Two years later.

_Brittany stared past Holly Holiday, who was smiling as if she had saved the world, and to Santana, she probably had.  
Santana wiped a tear from her face as she locked eyes with Brittany.  
Both of them knew that while the song was playing they had that moment, their moment, running through their minds.  
"Is that really how you feel?" Brittany asked, and Santana felt as if her head weighed 100 pounds as she nodded it. She walked over to Brittany and they locked eyes briefly before they hugged, exchanging silent words that need not be said out loud.  
Nothing ever felt more right than when she was in Brittany's arms.  
The rest of the Glee club clapped.  
How cute, they all thought, how beautiful it was to have such a deep friendship.  
But both girls knew as they held each other briefly in the others arms what that song had really meant, how it meant that Santana was ready, finally ready to admit to the world, and to Brittany, how she felt about her best friend. Others opinions would matter to her, but now she had sorted out her priorities. Brittany is what mattered the most. What would always matter the most.  
And to Brittany, now it wasn't her singing the song and hoping Santana would tell her she loved her, it was the other way around. It finally meant that Santana loved her right back.  
Maybe they had climbed a mountain and turned around. They had set out to live their lives normally. To find a nice boy. Get married. Have kids. These ideals had been set in their mind from day one, and that is what they had strived to achieve each day.  
Until they had met each other.  
Everything had come undone. They had to start all over again. Again from the very start.  
This song, finally meant that Santana was ready to tell the world that. Tell the world who she was really in love with. To tell the world that she was going to climb another mountain, and she wouldn't be alone this time.  
No.  
She would have Brittany by her side the whole way._

* * *

Santana stormed out of her room and into the kitchen. Kurt and Blaine stared at her with wide eyes, but Rachel looked at her expectantly.

"Fine, I'll go to the reunion."

* * *

AN: The song mentioned is 'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac (you Brittana fans should know this though ;))


	3. and we go back to december all the time

It seemed somewhat ironic that one of Santana's last thoughts before she drifted into sleep was that she would have Brittany by her side the whole way. Ironic not because they were no longer together in any way, shape or form, but ironic because Santana thought that Brittany would always be there. Somewhere. Anywhere.  
MIT. Lima. Los Angeles. France. Sydney.  
Somewhere. Not gone. No, not gone.

_"Santana, Santana, Santana," a familiar voice crooned in her ear. When she looked up, she met Brittany's piercing blue eyes._  
_"Santana, Santana, Santana," Brittany repeated again, her pink lips slightly apart as she hovered over Santana. Santana reached up to meet them as Brittany said again, louder this time, "Santana!"_

"Santana!" the voice called again and Santana felt a heavy weight on her side. Like someone was lying on top of her. She blinked herself awake and audibly gulped when she realised that the person on top of her, and the person calling her name, was not the blonde in her dreams.  
It was Rachel.  
"What are you doing?" Santana groaned as she stretched out her cramped legs. Rachel lay slightly on top of her, trying to stare out the tiny window in anticipation.  
"We're almost here," she told Santana in a half-excited, half-pained voice._  
_Santana felt the urge to pick her up and throw her into the walkway but decided against it. Instead she looked out the window too, expecting to see a town or something, but instead all she saw was the blue sky.

"We aren't almost here," she said grouchily. Kurt looked over at her for the aisle seat.  
"Oh, mornin' Santana!" he said chipperly. Santana just stared at him for awhile until he shrugged and turned to face Blaine, who sat across him. Blaine waved at her but Santana ignored that as well.

"Please prepare for landing," the voice on the intercom suddenly came on, and a 'ding!' sounded as the overhead lights that displayed the seatbelt sign suddenly came on. Santana sighed as she rebuckled her seat. A flight stewardess came by and told Rachel to put her tray up, which she quickly complied too. Santana stared at the flight stewardess for a few seconds longer than she probably should have, and the flight stewardess deliberately winked at her before she sauntered off to tell the kids two rows down to buckle their seatbelts. On a normal day, this would have thrilled Santana. The stewardess was hot, with very pale blue eyes and pale blonde hair and a killer body. But not today.

It had been four days and twenty one hours since that phone call.

Sam's phone call. _The _phone call.

So now she gathered her duffel bag from the overhead bins and was shuffled out of the plane. She bit her tongue and decided not to yell at the man behind her who was grumbling about how no-one was moving, or at the woman in front of her who was talking louder than Rachel normally did about really, really stupid things. She walked out into the terminal and wordlessly followed Kurt and Blaine, who were 'ooh-ing' and 'aah-ing' at everything as if they had never been in a fucking airport before.

Santana began to tug at a loose string on her trousers that she hadn't noticed before. She was starting to become overly irritated. Why were the lights so bright? Why was everyone so fucking annoying at an airport?  
She looked over at Rachel, ready to yell at her for something but the loud girl was unusually quiet. She tugged her luggage behind her and stared blankly at Blaine's back. A small bout of sympathy soared through Santana, reminding her why they were here. The annoyance quickly lifted.

And it returned as quickly as it had gone once she saw a familiar blonde man standing near a shiny blue car at the exit.  
"Sam!" Blaine almost screamed and rushed forward to embrace his best friend. They hugged each other tightly then did some kind of elaborate handshake. "Good to see you man! Glad you could make it!"  
"Yeah same," Blaine said. "If only the circumstances were different."  
Pain flashed in Sam's eyes. "Yeah," he said quietly, his enthusiasm suddenly gone. "If only."  
Sam smiled at Kurt and exclaimed, "Kurt!" then did the same elaborate handshake with him. Santana narrowed her eyes, feeling strangely left out even though she had no intention of ever greeting Sam. Honestly, if she could get through this entire week without ever acknowledging his existence, she would be perfectly content.  
"Sam!" Rachel said at the same time that Sam said "Rachel!" the two hugged for quite awhile and then Rachel stepped out of the way, allowing a direct path to Sam for Santana. But she didn't move.  
"Santana," Sam said, with a smile that looked somewhat cautious, as if she wasn't sure how she'd react. She merely glanced at him and considered going through with her 'one week pretending Sam doesn't exist to his face' idea, but when she saw the hurt in his eyes, she gave him a nod, which seemed more than enough for him.

"Everyone in, in," he said, opening the doors to the car behind him. Everyone quickly clambered in and the smell suddenly made Santana nauseous. Why had she come? Why had she ever thought this was a good idea?

Curiosity. Maybe. She needed to know what was actually wrong with Britt, after all. Sam hadn't of said. It was too serious for something merely to be told over the phone.  
Yeah, curiosity, that's why she had come.

They drove for a good hour and a half before Sam turned into an apartment block. As soon as the car had been parked, Santana almost thew herself out of the car. It had been a fucking terrible ride. Sam wanted to know how each of them were, and what they were all doing, and if they'd caught up with the others. It had been fucking terrible and Santana had said as little as possible. She still wasn't really sure why she hated Sam. Maybe it was because he moved in on Brittany after she'd left, or maybe it was his gigantic mouth.  
Maybe it was because he didn't let Brittany go when she had realised that she'd made a mistake breaking up with her.  
Or maybe she was more mad at herself for letting Brittany get away. Either way, he'd talked about living with her and Kurt had made some insensitive (to Santana, anyway) comments, so she had zoned about for the rest of the ride.

She wordlessly trudged behind Sam as they walked into the apartment lobby. He stopped at the lounge and began talking to the person who worked there. Santana looked around. The place was really fancy. She wondered what kind of job Brittany had to be able to live here. Or maybe Sam had suddenly won the lotto and she was living with him. The thought of them living together made her sick. She hadn't had the chance to do that with Brittany. It had all been hiding and lies.

"Are we going up?" she asked impatiently, feeling tortured. How long did Sam expect to ramble on to this random lady while Brittany was up there waiting for them?  
The thought of Brittany waiting for them, for her, made her insides knot.  
Sam glanced at the others and they all nodded at him. Santana narrowed her eyes.  
"I think," he said, and then cleared his throat. "We think, it's a good idea for you to go up first. You must have the most to catch up with her."  
Santana considered picking up the vase of flowers next to her and throwing them at his face, but then realised that she'd really rather see Brittany without the others glaring at her when she said something out of line, or didn't say anything at all, like in the car with Sam.  
"Fine," she said. "What do I do with my luggage?"  
"I'll look after it," Rachel said quickly.  
"That's alright," Sam said. "This nice lady is going to put your guys's luggage away and the rest of us are going to eat in the restaurant upstairs. We'll meet you guys later."  
"Alright," Santana said grudgingly. "What room number is it? Are you sure she's home?" she asked, suddenly feeling anxious.

"Yeah, it's 410," Sam replied. "On the fourth floor, tenth room."  
Santana gave him one more withering look before she turned around and walked into the elevator. She noticed the sweat on her palm as she turned to press the button for the fourth floor, and she took a deep breath.

This was going to be okay. She was Santana Lopez. Not scared of anything. She was going to be absolutely fine with seeing Brittany. Maybe seeing Brittany would remind her that she had really moved on. Maybe Brittany had become ridiculously ugly somehow and Santana would be glad that that was over.

She would find out what was wrong with Brittany, then wish her well, and then she would tolerate the others throughout the week, and then she would resume her normal life.

Maybe she would find that flight stewardess and show her a good time, too.

410.

She stood outside the door and wiped her palms on her trousers.  
"Alright," she breathed to herself before she raised her hand to knock. Her hand was inches away from the door when it suddenly burst open and Santana let out a little squeal.  
"Jesus fucking Christ!" she said. "What the fuck?"

A familiar voice giggled. "Still swearing I see."  
Santana blinked a few times before her vision became clear.

In front of her stood Brittany. In the flesh. She had dreamt about her so many times that to see her now in the flesh, well, it seemed unreal. Santana had kind of been on the verge of thinking she had made the perfect human being in her head and nothing could ever live up to the blonde in her dreams. But here she was, standing in front of her, wearing a simple pink dress and a rainbow apron on, looking exactly as she had in her high school years.

"Wanna come in?" Brittany suddenly asked, her face turning more serious.  
Santana couldn't speak, so she nodded dumbly.

"Is everyone else here?" Brittany asked, peering around the door to see if she had left anyone out. Santana felt her heart sink when she realised that it really had been Sam and the others idea for her to see Brittany first, and not Brittany's.

"They're downstairs," she blurted out.  
"Oh," Brittany said and then disappeared into the kitchen which was left of the entrance. "Sorry, I'm just putting away the dishes before everyone else comes so they don't think I'm a slob."

"Oh, that's alright," Santana said, following her inside and trying desperately to calm down. "Shouldn't Sam be helping too?"

Brittany shrugged. "He picked you guys up," she said, as if that seemed to make everything better. Santana shrugged as well, wanting to tell Brittany that she would have rathered walk here than to have been picked up by Sam. Or better yet, to not have come at all, because as she stood stupidly in the middle of the loungeroom, she realised that this was probably high up on of list of terrible ideas.

Santana watched silently as Brittany opened her dishwasher and appropriately took out a hand towel with printed unicorns on it, and began drying the dishes. Santana giggled at the sight of the unicorns and Brittany turned around to beam at her.  
"How have you been?" Brittany suddenly asked softly, and both of them suddenly realised that the shield that they had both put up to protect themselves against any awkwardness, and any mention of the past, was probably going to come down soon.

"Yeah good," Santana said as she began to compulsively pull the loose thread of her trousers. She was desperately trying to pretend Brittany was someone else. "Just work, I have two jobs to keep the money rolling in. I also go to NYADA part time. I finally got in after like two years. Literally," she said. "How about you?"

"Oh wow congrats," Brittany said. "I knew you'd go far." There was a strange twinkle in her eyes. "I'm still at MIT, but I also do some seminars and stuff for people. I don't really know why people attend since I just talk to people about the things swirling about in my head, I guess it's kind of like a people journal. Like, I tell people what's going on in my head, and I get paid? It's pretty cool though, getting paid I mean."

"Oh, cool. That's really cool Britt. You must be really good. I mean, you have a nice apartment," Santana said, looking around the apartment. It was really spacious and modern, but there was a real Brittany twinge to it. It was like Sam had no say in the matter. Everything seemed out really out of order, but also ordered, in some kind of strange way it worked.

"Thanks," Brittany said shyly. She turned back to the dishwasher, hoping Santana couldn't see the blush that she could feel spreading to her cheeks.

Santana suddenly wanted to get up and hold her, despite Sam being the one in Brittany's life now. She wanted to get up and wrap her arms around Brittany's waist and see if she felt the same. She wanted to kiss her lips and see if she still tasted the same, and if she still kissed in the same way. She wanted to suddenly know everything that was going on in Brittany's life, from what she ate to breakfast to what she planned to do in the future. She wanted to let Brittany know that she was sorry, and that she had never appreciated what she had had when she had her. She wanted to tell Brittany that even when she was out kissing other girls, she always pretended that they were Brittany, and she would be so drunk that she would actually think they were. She wanted to let Brittany know that she had thought about her every single day, even if only a fleeting thought. She just wanted to tell Brittany that she was sorry. So sorry.

But she couldn't. She bit her tongue. It wasn't her place to do it. Sam had beaten her to it, and even though she wanted to beat Sam, she respected that he had pursued what he wanted, so she stayed quiet.  
And so did Brittany.

The silence made Santana feel uncomfortable. In the past, there had never really been many silences, and even if they were, it was because one of them was holding the other and they were both content. At the least, their silences were never awkward.

A few more seconds passed though they began to feel like hours to both girls. Santana sucked in a deep breath and then let out a giant sigh as she decided to finally asked, "So, what's wrong with you?" A strange relief rushed through her. She had been holding on to that question for so long that it had felt like a eternity to Santana, not just a few days.

Brittany froze and put down the mug that she had been drying, before she turned around to face Santana. Santana suddenly felt her heart break at Brittany's face.

And Brittany gave her a sad, small smile as if she could feel it too.

* * *

AN: The title is from 'Back to December' by Taylor Swift.

Thank you to all those that have favourited, reviewed and followed, you guys make my day!


	4. please don't ask me to stay

AN/EDIT: For those concerned about Britt, I'm just letting you guys know now that I have no intention of killing her off. I am a massive Brittana shipper and I'm using her being sick as a way for Santana to 'reflect' on her life (and also so she comes back to her so I can write some fluff/sorry if this chapter was kind of heavy)

* * *

"It's cancer. Lung cancer."

* * *

_"Hey Santana!" Brittany said cheerfully as she joined Santana at their locker bay.  
Santana poked her head out of her locker and grinned when she saw who it was.  
"Hey, Britt!" she said chipperly. Behind Britt she could see Quinn and Finn flirting with each other. She rolled her eyes and Brittany turned to see what she was looking at.  
"Would you guys just go out already?" she snapped at them. Quinn shot her a look and Finn looked at her sheepishly._

_"What are you doing after school?" Brittany asked. Santana's attention diverted back to Brittany. "Nothing," she said, shutting her locker door after she retrieved her English books._  
_"Why?"_

_"Well," Brittany said and then hesitated. Santana cocked her head._  
_"Do you want to come over? To my house? I can show you my room. It's pretty cool, oh and Lord Tubbington said he wanted to meet you. You said you'd meet him too, remember?"_  
_Santana nodded. She definitely wanted to see Brittany's cat. She'd shown her a photo of her and Santana had had a really had time believing that a cat could really be that fat. She had been assuming that the photo had actually been photoshopped just for the laughs, but Brittany never really saw a funny side to her cats weight._

_"Yeah of course I'll come," Santana smiled, and Brittany let out a sigh of relief. The only other friends house that Santana had been too was Quinn's perfect, giant abode, and she was looking forward to seeing what Brittany's house was like, because as quirky as Brittany was, Santana was starting to honestly believe she lived in a gingerbread house or something._

_"And you can meet my sister!" Brittany added happily. Santana smiled and remembered the photo she had seen of a younger, carbon copy of Brittany. She was cute, and even though Santana wasn't really a little kid person, maybe she'd make an exception for Brittany's sister._

_Brittany scribbled something on a sticky note and handed it to Santana. Santana looked at it. It was an address._  
_"Call your mum and ask her if you can walk home with me," Brittany said, dancing a little. "And maybe she could pick you up later if you tell her the address. I mean, unless your mum is a psychic and she already knows where I live."_  
_Santana let out a little laugh and nodded again and Brittany leaned in so close that Santana could smell the vanilla spray that Brittany sprayed around her neck. She blushed a little._  
_"Don't tell anyone," she whispered. "But you're the first friend I've ever had over."_  
_Santana laughed. She felt some warmth spread through her and she felt incredibly special._  
_"I won't," she whispered back and gave Brittany a little wink. As she did, she noticed Brittany's cheeks go a little pink but she decided not to think anything of it._

_The taller girl checked her watch, and stared at it for quite awhile since she wasn't really sure what the time was since her watch didn't have numbers. When she had figured it out, or at least thought she had, she turned around and said goodbye to Santana._

_"I'll see you after sixth period!" Brittany called as she began to walk to class. Santana waved at her and watched her walk away until she could no longer see a glimpse of her best friend._

_Santana looked up at the small two-storey house in front of her. It was made of smaller yellow bricks and had a dark maroon roof. It had a really nice, quaint feel to it. She began to feel like she was actually coming home, even though she had never been here before._  
_She had no idea that this place would eventually feel like her second home._

_"Your house is really nice," Santana said, as they walked up Brittany's driveway, which was made out of yellow bricks that had been cracked. It was as if a small tank or something had driven up and down her driveway again and again and again._

_"Thanks!" Brittany beamed as she unlocked the door with her keys and stepped inside. She peered around the front hall and called out, "Mum! Lillian!" but no one answered._  
_"Mum must still be on her way back from picking up Lillian," Brittany said, slightly disappointed. "Oh well, I'll show you Lord Tubbington!"_  
_Santana slipped off her white sneakers even though Brittany told her not too, and she followed Brittany quietly down the front hallway. On the cream coloured walls hung so many pictures that Santana wanted to stay down there and look at all of them._

_So many pictures that held so many stories, and as she turned to meet the blonde's gaze, she suddenly realised she wanted to know all of them._

_The biggest picture that hung in the middle was a family photo, and it looked like it had been taken quite awhile ago. Brittany looked like she hadn't begun puberty yet, she was just a really tiny stick with a pretty face framed with blonde hair. She wore a loose-fitting blue dress that hung on her tiny frame and brought out her blue eyes. She had her hand on a tinier figure that was a dead-ringer for her, if the girl had not been a toddler. The toddler wore the same dress as Brittany, but obviously in a smaller size. The cuteness of the siblings made Santana smile, and she began to wish that she wasn't an only child._  
_Behind them was a woman who looked really, really proud of her family. She had large eyes, though they were brown, and very blonde hair so light that it was almost white._  
_Holding her waist next to her was a very tall man, with midnight-black hair, and very piercing blue eyes. The very same ones that Brittany had. He looked really sharp in his black suit, but there was a deep love for his family in his eyes that made Santana like him immediately._

_The front door suddenly swung open and a woman in a light blue business shirt walked in, following by a young girl in overalls._  
_"Brittany!" the girl cried as she rushed into Brittany's arm._  
_"Hi," Brittany said and gave the little girl a kiss. "Lillian, meet Santana."_  
_Santana met eyes the same colour as Brittany's as she smiled at her. "Hi, I'm Santana," she said softly and the girl peered out of Brittany's grasp curiously, though she buried her head._  
_Santana must have looked confused because Brittany whispered, "She's really shy," at her._

_When Brittany put her down, the girl scampered off into the kitchen._  
_"Hi, Santana was it? I'm Melanie Pierce, nice to meet you. Brittany's been talking about you non-stop for the past week, it's nice to finally see you in person. And wow, you're really pretty!"_  
_Brittany blushed. "Mum, you're embarassing," she said, but Mrs. Pierce ignored her daughter._  
_Santana stuck her hand out like her parents had told her to do. "Thank you very much," she said. "I'm Santana Lopez. Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Pierce, and I hope she's said good things!"_

_"Oh she has," Mrs. Pierce said as she gave the girls one last smile before she followed Lillian into the kitchen. "Please help yourself to whatever we have in the pantry, oh, and call me Melanie! No need for formalities."_

_Brittany rolled her eyes but Santana smiled. "Your mum's really nice, and Lillian's really cute."_  
_Brittany grinned. "Really? I'm glad you like them. I was kind of scared you wouldn't."_  
_Santana gave her a questioning look, because anyone who had been introduced to the two that she just met, had to like them. They were so bubbly and so like Brittany that it was hard not too!_

_She followed Brittany up the stairs. "What time does your dad usually come home? Mine doesn't usually come home until I'm fast asleep. It sucks really."_

_The question caught Brittany off guard and she hesitated for a few seconds as she tried to think of an appropriate answer to Santana's question._  
_"Well, he isn't," she said and then opened the door to her bedroom. "He passed away, actually. From lung cancer."_

_Santana was stunned, and she suddenly felt awkward. She hoped she had not offended Brittany's feelings. Brittany had only ever said that her dad had built houses and such, and that he was very tall, which was probably why she was so tall._  
_She'd never mentioned that he wasn't around anymore._

_"I'm really sorry," Santana said, resting her arm on the other girls shoulder. When Brittany didn't turn around to face her, Santana stepped in front of her._  
_"Britt?" she asked gently as she turned to lift the other girls head. Small tears were forming in the corner of Brittany's eyes._

_"I miss him so much," she whispered. "I've never said that aloud. That he was dead. I mean. Never."_

_Santana took the taller girl in her arms and began to stroke Brittany's hair. She didn't know why, but it seemed to be soothing her. "It's okay," she whispered in Brittany's ear. "He's in a happy place. He's watching over you, and he loves you. I love you too, you're my very best friend. You are really loved."_  
_She felt Brittany nod against her shoulder. "Thank you, Santana," she blubbered. "You're my very best friend too. Forever. We'll be friends forever."_

_Santana looked across the hall at another family photo of four smiling people. She felt a shudder run down her spine as she thought of death._  
_How close it was at times, but how far away it seemed to be if it was not thought of._

* * *

Brittany stared at Santana calmly. She put down the tea towel she had been holding just in case Santana had some kind of fit and she needed both of her hands. But Santana didn't move; she merely blinked back at Brittany as if she had said nothing at all.

"You have to be kidding," she said eventually, her expression unchanging. "You don't even smoke."

Brittany sighed. Sam had said the exact same thing. "I did," she admitted. "I mean, I used too, not anymore, not since I was diagnosed, though. And not all lung cancers are caused by smoking, Santana."

Santana simply nodded. "You don't have lung cancer" she stated, appearing to not have heard Brittany at all. She pursed her lips and looked at Brittany. Brittany had to have read something wrong. Maybe she'd gone to the doctor's and read another patients file as her own. Maybe the doctor had gotten her confused with another patient. Maybe the doctor had diagnosed her with something else and since Brittany had taken up smoking, she had thought it was something else.  
After all, what kind of twenty year old had lung cancer? Especially Brittany, who couldn't have been smoking for at more than three years. It was just impossible. Brittany was pulling her leg. She was unsure of whether she should laugh and play the whole thing off as a joke, since she would be relieved that Brittany wasn't sick, or whether she should smack the blonde's head from the inside out because this was simply something you didn't joke about.

"I do," Brittany replied levelly. She took up Santana's gaze, knowing that the other girl would be in denial about this. Just like she had been in denial about a lot of other things to do with Brittany.

"No," Santana argued, her voice going an octave higher. "Also, lung cancer is usually diagnosed in people who are like, sixty, and who have smoked _their entire lives. _You're only twenty-two, and you barely even smoke" she finished confidently.  
Her dad was a doctor, she knew this stuff. She had come across people with lung cancer. She had met them and seen what they were like. Brittany was not, and would not, be one of them.  
She couldn't believe Brittany was trying to fool her, but at the same time she felt much better that Brittany had just made some kind of error.

"I'm aware of that," Brittany said, irritation clouding her tone. She had wanted to share this with Santana because Santana had been an important part of her life, and even though they hadn't kept in contact, Brittany really wished they had.  
And also, how was she supposed to know how long she had left? The doctor had said it was only stage one non-small cell lung cancer, which, although terribly bad, had the best possible outcome for all the cancers. Brittany wanted to do everything she had ever wanted to do in her life because maybe one day she wouldn't wake up. She needed to live her life. And Santana had always been a part of it, so she needed her here now.

"But I do have it, Santana. Please don't do this."

A small panic began to rise in Santana. What if Brittany wasn't joking? Or wrong? If it was a joke, wasn't it going on a little too long? Going a little too far?  
She looked around wildly, expecting to see Rachel or Kurt, or even Sam, to jump out from behind the couch and yell, 'just kidding!' and that this was all just a really elaborate hoax to get Brittany and Santana back together because Kurt had found and read the blue leather journal that Santana kept behind her bookcase.

Another silence washed over them, and the two girls stared at each eye to eye, waiting for the other to break.  
Brittany waited for Santana to say that she hoped she was going to be okay.  
Santana waited for Brittany to tell her it was a joke, or that she had realised now that she was mistaken somehow. But then she suddenly realised that Brittany would never be this cruel. Or this wrong about something so important, and she felt her veins run cold. She had suddenly realised that nobody was going to jump out from behind the couch and tell her this was a joke.

Brittany decided to take this chance to explain, but her head began to feel heavy. She wanted to face the reality of her situation as much as Santana did. Which was not at all.  
It had been hard enough admitting it to Sam, but Santana was an entire different story. The only way she could try to get through it was to try and be calm. To be reasonable and leave out the dirty details that would leave Santana heartbroken.

"I suppose it was because my Dad was a heavy smoker. Passive smoking could have been a cause," she said, her body swaying as she moved dishes from the dishwasher to their respective places in the cupboard.

Brittany's father. Santana remembered the way that Brittany used to talk about her father once she had felt comfortable admitting his death. He was her hero. But he had died an early death from lung cancer and that wasn't something that Santana wanted to think about.

But she began to remember the nights that Brittany would wake up crying uncontrollably because she had dreamt that she was with her dad, and then she would wake up suddenly and realise that it hadn't of been real. She remembered the way that she used to hold Brittany the entire night, lying awake with her, tracing shapes on her bare skin, combing back Brittany's hair, and kissing away her tears in an attempt to sooth her. She used to tell her that everything was going to be okay. She suddenly wished she could go back to then. Back to high school. Back to when her and Brittany used to stay up all night in each others arms.  
_  
You'll be okay. We'll be okay. Everything will be okay._

But thinking of Brittany's dad reminded Santana of something else. Santana had never told anyone but she wished that Brittany's dad had still been alive, not because of the nights that pulled on Santana's heartstrings, but because she had always had some strange fantasy that her and Brittany would get married. It seemed so achievable back then. They were so in love, it seemed like nothing could ever break them. And she had wanted Brittany to see Santana's dad walk Santana down the aisle, and then she wanted to see Brittany's dad walk Brittany down the aisle.

But all that seemed irrelevant and kind of stupid now. There was no going back. For anyone.  
"I must have passive smoked around him and my uncles all the time," Brittany continued. She noticed Santana's face get redder so she quickly continued. "And it's supposed to be hereditary too..so if my dad had it I guess I.."

"Stop!"

Santana's mind ran dry as she stopped thinking about Brittany's father. Her scream echoed throughout the empty house. Brittany flinched at the sudden noise and dropped the glass cup she was holding. It landed on the ground and smashed into five different directions. She looked from Santana to the cup, not sure what mess she should clean up first.

"Just stop," Santana breathed, the entire situation suddenly feeling all to real for her. The acceptance of Brittany being sick had come and suckerpunched her in the face. Brittany was sick. Brittany had lung cancer. And lung cancer could only mean an early death.  
What was the survival rate for lung cancer? How come she didn't know this? How had ..what..why..

* * *

_"Daddy, who's that?" a ten year old Santana looked up innocently at her father, who was desperately rushing back and forth between rooms while tagging along his daughter. He put his hands on his knees and breathed out a deep sigh. He quickly straightened up in front of the patient, who looked like he was about fifty.  
"Hi, Kev," Mr. Lopez smiled at the patient, who had black hair that was whitening at the start. Kev smiled at Mr. Lopez, but then looked down at Santana. "I have a daughter the same age as you," he told her.  
Santana looked around excitedly. "Where is she?" she bubbled. "I'm really bored and I want a playmate!"  
Kev laughed, and Mr. Lopez felt relieved, and also glad that no-one had been around to look after Santana this night. She seemed to be brightening up all the patients and putting them in good moods. Kev hadn't cracked a smile at any of his jokes since he had been in here so to see him laugh because of his daughter was a miracle.  
_"_She's not here," Kev told her sadly. "I wish she was, I miss her a lot."  
Santana's tiny heart broke. Though her father worked a lot, she loved him terribly. How sad this man must be to be apart from his daughter. She hoped her dad would make him better right now so he could go home and be with her.  
_"_Daddy, are you going to fix this nice man tonight? So he can go home tomorrow?"  
For the first time that night, Mr. Lopez frowned down at his daughter, suddenly hoping she'd be quiet.  
_"_Your daddy is a great man," Kev told her, and smiled at the doctor, who returned to look. "But he can't fix me. I'm too sick."  
_"_Santana can you please tell Joanne I need her?" Mr. Lopez said to his daughter, who nodded obediently and scampered out. She paused at the door and looked back at the two men. "Please get better soon!" she told Kev, then she looked witheringly at her father, shooting him a look that said 'and you better be the one to make him feel better.'_

_It had only been a week later when Santana decided to visit the hospital again. She peered her head around Kev's room and was relieved to find the bed empty. She felt her father's hand grasp tightly on her shoulder and she turned around to face him with a big smile. "You made Kev better!" she said chipperly. "Now he can go and be with his daughter."_  
_Mr. Lopez looked down at Santana and briefly considered lying to her, but he realised he would be doing an injustice by writing Kev a happy ending when that wasn't the reality of the situation._

"_Sweetie, Kev passed away yesterday," he told his daughter quietly. Santana furrowed her forehead in confusion. "Why didn't you fix him?" she asked, her voice starting to become a wail. "What about his daughter? She needs to be with him like I am with you."  
_"_Santana, sometimes people are too sick to fix them. You can make them not feel any pain, but you can't mak them better."  
"What did he have that you couldn't fix?" she said. Mr. Lopez wiped Santana's bleary eyes with his sleeve. "He had lung cancer, sweetie. One day you'll learn what it is."_

* * *

Brittany was talking but Santana couldn't hear her. All she could hear was white noise, and her sixteen year old self reassuring Brittany that everything would be okay. All she could see was herself in Brittany's house waiting for Brittany to come home from her dance classes every Wednesday night. All she could see was Brittany in her arms, and her in Brittany's arms as they fell asleep on what they called their 'sleepovers.'  
And now she saw Kev, lying in his hospital bed. She hadn't noticed it before when she was younger, but Kev had been nothing but skin and bone. How long had it been since he could have digested food properly? She began to remember the smaller details, how more older he had seemed because he was sick. How he was only fifty but he could have passed for ninety. How his body was attacking itself because of..

"No!" Santana suddenly screamed, leaping to her feet. Brittany began to replace Kev's images in her mind.  
It was Brittany lying uselessly in a hospital bed while doctors fussed over her and gave her painkillers, knowing there was nothing they could do to make her better. It was Brittany wishing she could be out of the hospital so she could spend time with her family. It was Brittany realising what her situation really was, and what it was like to be sick and to look at healthy people and wish you were them. It was Brittany looking twice as older as she really was as her body that Santana loved so much, began to deteriorate into nothing but an empty shell of a former Brittany.  
It was Brittany dying, her racked breaths easing in and out of her body until..

Brittany looked at Santana and noticed her bottom lip began to shake. She knew it wasn't a good sign. "Santana, I-"

"Stop!" she screamed again. "You can't be sick. _I'd _rather be sick than you. You can't just unload this onto me. It isn't fair to me. You're so selfish! God, Brittany."  
Santana stared at her ex-lover with tears in her almond brown eyes. What the fuck was even happening?  
But then again, what had she really expected? Had she really expected that half the Glee club had planned some kind of elaborate thing and just pretended that Brittany was sick? Why had she marched in here, under the assumption that Brittany wasn't sick?  
Had she really become so detached from reality that she had began to think that Brittany wasn't really real? Just a figure in a dream? One that couldn't become sick?  
Who had Santana become because of this alternate reality? Because of her?

"Look at me," Santana suddenly snapped. Brittany raised her head and looked at Santana, tears forming in her eyes. But Santana didn't feel sorry for her. Not now.

She opened her mouth to say everything she wanted to say but Brittany suddenly cut her off.  
"I told Sam to invite you," she half-yelled. "He said I didn't have to invite you. And I said I wanted too, and you want to know why, Santana? Do you want to know why?"

"I fucking don't!" Santana screamed at her, feeling ashamed for the tears streaming down her face. How was she supposed to be the strong uncaring one when these stupid emotions kept getting in the way?

Brittany's face fell. "Fine be like that," she said so low that Santana almost didn't hear her. "But please, just-"

"Please don't ask me to stay," Santana cut her off through her tears. She knew Brittany was about too. "You'll only make it worse."

Brittany cast her eyes downwards. Maybe that was true. A strange and uncomfortable tension settled in the room, until Santana broke it.

"I've loved you ever since I met you," said Santana, speaking through gritted teeth. Her words came out dry and angry. "But I have had to deal without you for three years. Three fucking years, Brittany. And you know what? I'm not going to let you come back in my life. I _refuse _to even stay in contact with you, if you're only going to leave me, Brittany. So this is goodbye."

"Santana, please don't," Brittany's voice came out as a hoarse whisper but Santana didn't hear her. She had already marched to the front door. She hesitated before she turned the handle and Brittany felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe Santana would stay. Maybe Santana would hear her out. But Santana didn't. She turned around and looked at Brittany one more time, taking in her lithe figure, her ice blue eyes, her perfect face, before she turned the handle. She'd always remember Britt like this.

"Bye Britt," she whispered.

* * *

AN: Hey guys, I say thank you every chapter, but the guys who just recently reviewed and followed, seriously, let me love you all down! I'm new to fanfiction so I'm not sure if I should respond to all the reviews individually but seriously guys, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Also sorry if the information now/later on about cancer is not accurate. I'm aware that it is extremely rare/doesn't really happen (1% chance apparently) for young people to develop lung cancer, but as a family member of mine had it, it's the only disease that I knew anything about, and the only one I also wanted to write about. Sorry if the misinformation offends anyone because that is not my intention.

Love you all and please keep reviewing (it makes me write faster ;))!


	5. you're in my veins

'In My Veins' (the title/and lyrics in this chapter) is by Andrew Belle. Listen to it if you haven't already (there are Brittana MV's around that made me cry) especially before you read this chapter to set the mood!

Once again thank you to all the people that have reviewed/follow/favourited! (I will continue to thank you guys every chapter because seriously it just makes me so happy.)  
P.S - I promise there'll be happy scenes soon. I'm excited about writing them, trust me!  
P.P.S - I changed the story from 'T' to 'M' just in case. Thanks guys!

* * *

**_Nothing goes as planned. Everything will break.  
People say goodbye, in their own special way._**

Santana slammed the front door to Brittany's fancy-wancy apartment and stormed down the hall, her fists clenched together tightly. Brittany stared after her. Her throat began to clench and she felt blood rush to her head. What had just happened?

She retreated back into her apartment and suddenly slumped the the floor. She held her head in her hands. What had happened? She began to feel her hands become wet with her tears, so she picked up the handtowel that had fallen to the ground previously and began to dry them slowly.

She honestly had no idea what she had been trying to achieve by doing this. By allowing Sam to move the date for their reunion forward just so she could tell them she was sick. It was stupid. It wasn't like she was pregnant, or she'd won a Nobel Peace prize (yet), so what was the point of making a big deal out of this?  
She knew what was going to happen with the others. She would tell them, and they'd comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be okay even though they knew deep down that it may not and then they'd buy her presents and have a party and try to cheer her up and take her mind off things.

She didn't want that, but Sam had. And she loved him, so she'd agreed.  
Well, that was half the reason anyway.

Brittany knew that there was one person that wouldn't act like that. One person who she had absolutely no idea how she'd act. Would she break down like she had? Or would she have been so mad that she just killed Brittany there and then? Or perhaps she wouldn't even care. She'd shrug and say that it was no longer her concern because they weren't friends. They were strangers with a strange and intense history that neither of them bothered to acknowledge anymore.

Brittany wondered why that was. Why they never brushed up on their past. She knew that most couples never did. It was awkward and nobody wanted to remembered the good memories that were overrided with a bad break-up. It was normal to just forget everything, the good and the bad, and just move on. She wrung her hands in the towel. She wondered why she never seemed to have been able to forget everything that had happened with Santana. Maybe it was because she looked at their photos together whenever the bright blue album caught her eye. Or maybe it was because she had the same recurring dreams that she used to have about her father, but quite often they were of Santana.

But it seemed to be more than that. The way they had gotten together, if only for a fleeting time, seemed to mark the largest obstacle in Brittany's life after her father's death. It had consisted of so much pain and torment that it really was like someone had died, and both Brittany and Santana were trying to cope with it in their own way, only to realise that the only real way to cope was together.

And she knew deep down the real reason she had let Sam invite everyone. Why she had let Sam invite Santana.  
Because that was how she wanted to cope with this. Together. With Santana.

* * *

_"I heard a rumour that Santana plays for the other team. And I can confirm that rumour. It's 100% true."  
_

* * *

_"Santana, it's going to be okay. She's just a little shocked. Just give her some time."_

_Santana opened her mouth to protest but no words came out. Brittany sighed._  
_She didn't know what to say._  
_The ad for whoever-it-was's campaign had run last night, and now everyone knew about Santana. Truth be told, she had gotten weird looks in the hallway, but she'd been too upset by her abuela's words the previous night to even acknowledge them. Brittany decided that they'd sort out other people later, but first, it was family. And each other._

_They sat outside the park near Brittany's house. Brittany was on the swings and Santana was on the ground. She was picking anxiously at the grass. Each time she would pluck a strand from the ground and peel each little bit of it until there was none left. And all Brittany would do was watch her. She wasn't entirely sure why Santana was doing that. Maybe she'd formed some kind of anxiety problem. Who knew?_

_A few moments of pondering silence passed, so Brittany eventually decided to ask._  
_"So, what happens now?"_

_The question didn't catch Santana off-guard. She'd been thinking of it ever since she'd left her abuela's house last night. What should she do? She could have denied it. It would have been a hard battle though, convincing everyone that Finn, and everyone else was a liar._  
_But she was already halfway there. Halfway to coming out. And if she wanted Brittany, that is what she would have to do._  
_Come out._

_"I want to be with you," Santana paused, and though the words would have made Brittany feel warm inside, there was something in Santana's tone that Brittany could not be sure of._  
_Something stopping her from being happy. "I love you, a lot."_

_Brittany nodded. But she wasn't sure. It wasn't that Santana was being insincere, there was just..Santana wasn't happy. She was supposed to be happy. She was confused as to why Santana wasn't happy. Sure, maybe she didn't want to be outed so soon, but didn't this mean they could be together sooner? Why did Santana keep prolonging this? Were her words true? Did she really love Brittany? Or did she pity her because she wasn't with Artie anymore? She frowned, starting to feel annoyed._

_"What do you want to do?" Santana asked Brittany, dropping the blade of grass she was holding, and holding her knees together instead._

_"What do you think I want to do?" Brittany snapped. Santana's eyes widened. "Wait Britt, what's wrong?"_

_Brittany frowned at her, tears shining in her eyes. "I'm being selfish, but this has all been about you. All this Finn and ad drama. What about me? I was outed too. Maybe not in the way you were but.."_

_Santana looked pained for a second but then it quickly changed to irritation. "Were you outed in front of the entire Ohio?" she snapped right back. "Your mum accepted you for who you were. She didn't care that you were a le..lesbian, or bi, or whatever."_

_"Your parents accepted you too!" Brittany said exasperated. "And who cares about the rest of Ohio? We don't even know who they are. They are.. irregular."_

_Santana frowned at her. "You mean irrelevant."_

_"Whatever. So your abuela doesn't accept you. Maybe like I said before, she just needs time. Just give it time Santana. You expect everyone to accept it just like that yet it took you years to accept it for yourself. And to be completely honest, I don't even think you've accepted yourself yet. Not completely, anyway. All Finn did was speed up the process. He was wrong and right in what he did at the same time. And later on, I'm going to thank him for it."_

_Santana didn't reply so Brittany dared to look at her. She had her face buried in her hands and she felt a fleeting twinge of guilt, but she realised that everything she had said had been the truth. And Santana had to accept it sooner or later._  
_"Was it worth it though, Santana? Having feelings for me? Risking everything you believe in for me? Can you honestly tell me that this will all be worth it?"_

_Santana lifted her head up out of her hands and dared to look Brittany in her eyes. She met blue pools of nothing but honesty and love, even though she had thought Brittany's words were harsh. She bit her lip. She knew what the answer was, deep down, but Brittany was right, she was having trouble accepting everything on the surface. She was so self-conscious, she worried so much about what others thought of her. She hated that people she didn't know, had never seen, were judging her just because of who she'd fallen in love with._

_It didn't seem fair. Love was love. But yet there was the judgement. The judgement which could be too much to bear at times._

_Brittany looked at Santana, and for a heartbeat Brittany thought she was going to say no. Her body suddenly froze as she anticipated the next word out of Santana's mouth._

_"Yeah," Santana eventually smiled through her tears. And even though she sounded incredibly sad, which made Brittany wanted to just scoop her up in her arms and hug her, she sounded sincere. She looked up at Brittany from her spot on the ground._  
_"You will always be worth it."_

* * *

_**All that you rely on, and all that you can fake, will leave you in the morning. But find you in the day.**_

"Santana, what the _hell _is wrong with you?" Kurt stood outside Santana's room, his face pressed against her door.

Santana rolled her eyes, even though she knew he couldn't see. She buried her face in a pillow and quickly threw it away when she realised it smelt like a boy.  
Gross.  
They were supposed to have had stayed at a motel a few streets away. Santana had actually hand-picked it herself. It was the furthest away from Brittany's apartment block, which was convenient for her, but it was the closest to public transport, which was convenient for Kurt, Blaine and Rachel, and it was also one of the cheapest, which was convenient for all of them.  
But no, Sam's _very good _friends of room 811, four stories up from Brittany's apartment, had conveniently decided to go to Los Angeles for exactly a week. So they all decided to stay in their fancy apartment instead, since it was apparently going to be absolutely free, though Rachel annoyingly insisted on paying them board anyway.  
Santana was pretty sure that they had given her a guys room, too.

"Leave me alone Kurt," she snapped. "It's none of your business."**_  
_**  
"Um, it is, actually, Santana," Kurt's voice sounded kind of muffled as he leant against the door. "Sam called and said Brittany hadn't stopped crying since he got home. What the hell did you say to her?"

"Still none of your business," Santana snorted. As if he thought she was actually going to tell him what went down between the two of them. Sure she loved Kurt and he was basically her gay best friend, but she didn't want him involved in anything to do with Brittany.  
Not right now.

"Well I hope you're happy," Kurt said, and Santana frowned. She was the last thing from happy. "Brittany's too upset too come to our first reunion dinner, so now you're free to come without any hastle." He said the last part sarcastically, and Santana soon heard him walk away.

She wondered why he was speaking to her like that, well, despite the fact she was the reason that Brittany was upset now. She realised he knew that she had purposed avoided every other reunion to avoid Brittany. It wasn't like she had tried to hide it, exactly, but still, it's not like she'd ever admitted to it either.

Either way, it wasn't like they'd broken up yesterday. It had been three years. Both of them had dated other people afterwards too.

She buried her face in her arm, at least it smelt nice due to the lotion she used before she got on the flight, and stared blankly at the clean white walls in front of her, briefly reminding her of a distant memory. It wasn't like she particularly _needed _Brittany.

There were other girls in this world. Brittany wasn't the only one.

* * *

_The kiss tasted different to Brittany's. Dani tasted different to Brittany._

_Duh, Santana scolded her inner self. They're different people.  
But still, it was good. Very good. So good that Santana began to wonder how many other girls that Dani had been with to get this good. Santana had only ever kissed boys, and Brittany. That one peck on the lips with Elaine when she had tried to make Brittany jealous didn't count.  
Santana blinked, suddenly noticing the really clean white walls in front of her, and then shut her eyes again, refocusing on her kiss with Dani, but it was too late, she'd already thought of Brittany's name and now the memories she had buried underneath were resurfacing.  
Dammit Santana, she thought. You were going so well.  
Dani pulled away in surprise. "What's wrong?" she asked, cocking her head slightly to the left, which made Santana's heart soar. She looked confused, and surprised by how Santana had suddenly ended the kiss by pulling back.  
"Don't you want to kiss me?" she teased, and when Santana didn't reply straightaway, she faltered a bit. "You were into it one second ago."_

_Santana smiled at her awkwardly. "Of course," she cleared her throat. Dani gave her a weird look but the two of them resumed making out anyway. Santana ran her fingers down Dani's red work skirt and felt a sudden shock when she realised how much it reminded her of the Cheerios uniform, and how her and Dani's tangled legs suddenly reminded her of her 'friends with benefits' memories with Brittany after school._

_She shook her head, forcing herself not to think about the blonde, or the way that she used to stare at Santana expectantly and softly when she caught Santana checking her out. It was different to the seductive realisation in Dani's eyes right now._

_She made a low moan in her throat as Dani kissed her neck. She closed her eyes and murmured, "Please don't stop."_  
_"Wasn't planning on it," Santana could hear Dani smirk through her teeth. A warm feeling spread throughout her and Santana was now almost a hundred percent sure she was in love with Dani, regardless of whether or not.._  
_Suddenly all thoughts of Brittany floated away as she was caught in the moment with another girl, another lover. Dani. Maybe she'd moved on after all._

* * *

_**Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out.**_

_**Oh, you're all I taste, at night, inside of my mouth.**_

Santana wondered if Dani was doing alright. Maybe she should call her and find out.  
But then she remembered she used to think the same thing about Brittany. She used to stare at her phone for hours, trying to summon up the courage to click on Brittany's name and give her a call, but the courage never came to her.

Nor did she have the courage to pick up Brittany's calls when she had tried to call her the first few months after Brittany left to MIT. What would she have said to her anyway? 'I have a new girlfriend?' 'I feel uncomfortable with you calling me even though I've wasted weeks wanting to call you?' It all seemed so stupid and futile. What would they be? Long distance friends? It didn't seem worth it, not after what they had.

She heard a soft knock on her door. Which meant it could be anyone.  
"It's me," Rachel said softly. "I'm just letting you know that we're going to be at Vegalli's. It's the restaurant that we passed on the way here with the big silver sign. You remember where it is, right? If you wanted to come…" Santana heard Rachel trail off and she felt kind of bad that she had holed herself in her room after being a dick to Brittany. But it still didn't mean she was going to come.

"Thanks, Rach," she called. "But I have a headache."

"Alright," Rachel said doubtfully as if she didn't believe her. Rachel wasn't stupid, after all. "But if you feel better, you know where we are."

"Thanks," Santana said again and then she waited for the front door to open and close, and after a few minutes it did. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. A bunch of glow-in-the-dark stars were stuck to it. Santana rolled her eyes. Honestly, how old was the dude that lived in this room? He was either mentally five, or he was some kind of astronomy geek. Probably the latter, she realised. He did live near MIT after all.

But it reminded her of the night where she and Brittany lay in her backyard one night. It was one of those warm summer nights, but it was nighttime, so they could see the stars. Brittany wanted to know how people knew the name of certain stars, like, did stars only talk to certain people? Santana had explained that you could 'buy' a star, and then give it a name, but to her the whole thing seemed really stupid because buying someone a star seemed pretentious, like, it wasn't like you could go up into space and actually bring the star and give it to someone. Also, how were you supposed to know what star was yours? Didn't the view of stars change every single night? Seriously, what if you bought a star one night only to have it missing the next day? It seemed so pointless.

Brittany had then told her that she didn't think it was entirely pointless. She said that she gave all her love to Santana but she couldn't see it, nor could Santana. So her love was kind of like a star. Except that she hadn't bought it.  
Santana had laughed, but she had felt very touched.

Santana rolled off the bed and her feet touched the ground lightly. Maybe all she'd been focusing on was the future. It was a change from her New York life, where she often thought of the past, but she realised that doing either was, well, pointless.

Why didn't she just focus on the now? All her life she had been so concerned about what would happen in the future, how what she did now would influence the future, but not about what her actions now were doing to influence the present moment that she was in.

She wondered why that was, but maybe it was really just human nature.  
Well, she decided, she was going to make a change. Maybe Brittany would reject what she was about to say, but maybe it didn't matter. Maybe whatever direction that her actions now would take, maybe it was for the best. Maybe she should stop being so concerned about what would happen next, and just let it..happen.

And whatever happened, at least she would know that she tried.

She ran down the corridor, hearing nothing but the echo of her footsteps as she took each stride closer to the truth, closer to reality, and closer to Brittany.

* * *

_"Why don't you just come out, Santana?"_

* * *

_She raced down the corridor. She couldn't hear anything except for her sneakers thudding on the ground as she raced further to the gymnasiam. She didn't know what to think. What to do. She had tried so hard to keep everything inside. She'd tried. She'd tried so hard to tell Brittany how she felt even though she kept her sexuality a secret. She'd tried. She'd tried to combine two worlds into one, one world where she could be with Brittany, and the other where she would still be defined as straight, as 'normal', but she had failed.  
She had failed._

_And it was because of Finn._

_But with each step she took, she realised maybe it wasn't entirely Finn's fault. Maybe he had been a dick with the way he'd gone about it, but he had done what was right by the truth, even if the truth was going to completely fuck up her life._

_Thanks, Finn._

_Maybe she shouldn't have been such a bitch to him, but she couldn't help it. How was it fair that he had gotten Quinn, Rachel, whoever, and other than when Rachel was deemed a loser, he had never been judged for it? How come he got to pick who he wanted to love and everyone supported it? Just because one was a boy and one was a girl?_

_How was that fair to anyone?_

_She felt so torn. One part of her wanted to just admit it. Admit that what Finn had said was true. Then she could admit her feelings for Brittany to everyone. Then maybe, just maybe, Brittany would reciprocate them. Maybe.  
But the other part of her just wanted to disappear. She didn't want to put up with everyones judgemental looks and their heart-breaking words. They would come twice as bad to her because of all the insults she had thrown at all the random people throughout the years. She regretted it, and she wished she could go back in time and take back all of the mean words she had said to people. Maybe they'd treat her nicely now if she'd just been nicer to them. She wished she could go back in time and never have gone to Brittany's house that night. She wished that she had never befriended Brittany so that she never would have felt these feelings for her._

_God she hated herself so much right now. She wished she could just go back to a time where she would never have had to put up with this._

_"Santana, what's wrong?" one of the last voices that Santana wanted to hear rang through the empty halls. A voice that normally rang through Santana's brain for hours on end. A voice that usually made everything better._  
_She forced herself to turn around and face her, and when she did, she wished she hadn't._

_Because in that moment, she realised._

_She loved everything about Brittany, from her blonde hair to her beautiful blues eyes. To her height, to her dancing body, to the random things she said sometimes that either enlightened Santana about something that she never would have known about otherwise, to the things that made her laugh. She loved Brittany for all that she was, and she realised, that she would never have changed their relationship, romantic or otherwise, for anything._

_And she remembered why she was doing this. Why she was putting up with this outing. Why she wasn't hunting down whoever-it-was's ad campaign and killing him, and the ad, before it aired. She remembered._

_It was all for Brittany. And though she was young, she realised in that moment, for the rest of her life, it always would be._


	6. and i cannot get you out

**_Oh,_ _you run away, because I am not what you found._**

"Brittany, please open the door. Please."

She could hear Santana. She could hear her crying by the door. She could hear her pleas. But it felt like her body had turned to stone.

Lord Tubbington opened his eyes and narrowed them at Brittany as if she was making all the noise. She glared, frowning right back at him. Santana hadn't seen him before, sitting in his cat bed in the corner. Brittany wondered what else she had missed.  
Had she seen the big group photo of the Glee club hanging on top of the fireplace? How the only reason she had it blown up so big was so that she could see Santana's face clearly without Sam becoming suspicious? How she still had the same bed sheets that she had in high school because they reminded her of the good times they shared?

She stood up slowly and walked towards the door. She leaned against it, accidentally making a small bang. She held her breath, wondering if Santana had heard it, but she didn't make any move to call Brittany's name so maybe she hadn't. She closed her eyes and pressed her ear against the door and began to listen to everything that Santana had to say.

* * *

_Santana stared at her tear-stained face after she retracted herself from the hug. "Hey, hey, it'll be okay," she whispered, forcing herself to look away from the blonde, because her pale blue eyes were full of tears and if anyone else except Santana herself had been the cause of them, well, let's just say that's one less person that would see the light of day the following morning. That very thought made Santana feel miserable. Maybe she didn't deserve to see the light of day the next morning because she could see how much she had hurt the blonde._

_But this break-up was for the best, right? It wasn't so much about an 'energy-exchange', like heck, she barely even remembered what that girl from the coffee shop had even looked like, but she had to lie, she had to lie to get herself away from Brittany. No, to get Brittany away from her._

_She was her first love, and she, hers, but they were growing up. They were no longer, and would no longer in the future, be a constant in each others lives._  
_People changed, and Santana knew deep down, no matter how much she loved the girl who was sitting in front of her with her salty tears running down her face, she had to let her go._  
_She had to move on with her life, as did she. She was at the University of Louisville, who was to say that she wouldn't later transfer somewhere else, somewhere further where she couldn't even come back to Lima at all?_  
_What would happen to Brittany then? Brittany would wait for her, Santana knew that much, and she loved the blonde too much for her to just wait around like a puppy that had been abandoned by her master._

_So Santana stood up, and Brittany looked up at her, an expression of horror covering her face as soon as she realised that Santana was leaving her, really leaving her._

_"Please don't," the blonde managed to whisper. "Please." Santana couldn't look at her, and she tried to submerge her mind in a hyper-reality where this wasn't happening, where she wasn't Santana and she didn't know who this girl in front of her was._

_She didn't know how if you were resting your head on her shoulder you could smell Brittany's perfume so much stronger from her neck. She didn't know how the blonde sounded when she moaned out Santana's name when they were having sex.  
She didn't know how Brittany's milky white skin felt underneath Santana's fingers when she ran them along her thigh._  
_She didn't know how when Brittany's mum found out she was a lesbian, they baked them both a cake and congratulated them for 'coming out' even though Brittany wanted them to change the word 'lesbian' on her cake to 'bi-curious' and Santana's to 'lebanese.'  
She didn't know what it felt like when Brittany had chosen Artie over her, or when she had heard that they had had sex because she wouldn't be Brittany's duet partner._

_She knew nothing. She was no longer the Santana that Brittany knew.  
At least, that was what she had told herself to make her go through with this.  
But when Santana's eyes briefly connected with bright blue ones that were hazed over with tears, she felt a part of her mind that she had tried so hard to push back during this moment, resurface faster than Brittany's hand grabbing Santana's in a desperate attempt for her not to leave. She remembered. She remembered everything in that very moment._

Oh, what a fickle thing forgetting is.

_If the memories had been caught on film, Santana is sure that this is what they would look like. A tan hand stroking a pale one. Brown eyes like the land, meeting blue ones like the ocean.  
Pale pink lips touching each other hesitantly, and then tongues finding each other joyously as if they were lovers that had been separated for an eternity.  
And now Santana wanted nothing more than to sit back down and hold Brittany forever in the choir room, the place she had really fallen in love with her, with Brittany's head in her lap so that she could stroke the pain away and tell her that everything was going to be okay because Santana was wrong._

_This break-up was a mistake and Santana could see it now; they were going to grow old together, they were going to have kids and raise those kids to be the very best they could be, then they were going to die together and not one minute in their waking life would they ever really be apart.  
She wanted to tell Brittany that she was a fool for ever thinking she could ever really go through with this, and that if she had one wish, she would rewind the past fifteen minutes and pretend that they had never really happened._

_But that's the thing with reality. There is no rewinding. There is no 'I wish that didn't happen' because wishes don't come true. Life does not work the way you want it too sometimes, and the reality of that hit Santana straight after as soon as she realised that she was holding Brittany's hand and squeezing it back.  
Brittany's tears had stopped and she was looking at Santana with a new hopefulness, one that Santana realised that she never should have put there in the first place. "I'm sorry," was all she could say as she dropped the warm hand grasping hers. She backed up a few steps, staring at the hurt and puzzled expression on Brittany's face with a desire to throw up._

_What kind of a person was she? How could she hurt someone else, and herself so much? Who was she? She swung around and exited the choir door, swearing to herself she would never, ever come back. To the choir room. To McKinley._

_And to Brittany._

* * *

**_Everything will change. Nothing stays the same. Nobody here is perfect.  
Oh, but everyone's to blame._**

"Please, Brittany. I'm sorry about the things I said. I'm angry. I'm confused. I don't know how to deal with this but I promise I'll try to deal with it in the best way possible. For you. For us. I want to be in your life, just as your friend. I want to support you through whatever you're going through. I'll take time off work, off school even. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I haven't kept in contact with you for three years, that I didn't bother to call you, or even text. That I didn't Facebook you on your birthday or reply to your last message even though I knew you would have seen that I'd read it."

There was silence in Brittany's room, but she heard the smallest 'thump' against the door, as if Brittany was listening to her from the other side.

_"You left me behind and it hurt!"  
_Was this what it had felt like for Brittany? To be calling constantly for someone who wasn't even there? Someone who couldn't even hear her? To be all alone while the person you loved was surrounded by people that they loved?

Santana's heart skipped a beat, and she realised that even if that noise had just been the wind, she had to take her chance and continue.

"I'm sorry I never answered your calls for the first six months after you had gone to MIT. Brittany, I'm so sorry. I was just so scared. Scared of falling back to you when you were so far away, when we had different lives. Long distance relationships never work out. I'm sorry I told you I had an energy-exchange with some random girl at a café. I didn't. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry that it took me so long to accept myself for who I was, that it made us spend less time together as an actual couple."

She paused to take a breath. There was that silence again. Nothing. She heard nothing.  
The knot in her stomach grew bigger. What if she was just wasting her breath and no-one was actually there? What if Brittany had gone out to dinner with everyone and the only people that could hear her were the people next door? What if they were laughing at her pleas knowing they were futile?

But what if she hadn't? What if that noise was Brittany? It was a small chance, but It was a chance she had to take.

"Brittany, please. I'm sorry. I'm just so sor-" Santana began to choke on her own words as she felt the familiar wave of tears gathering in her eyes. God, she had cried more times in this past week than she had for the first fifteen years of her life. She had felt like she had always been made of stone, something unbreakable, something untouchable, unhuggable, unloveable, but with Brittany, it was never like that. Never with Brittany. Brittany was different to everyone else in this world, and if Santana could only be her friend, well, that was what she going to try her hardest to be.

* * *

_"It's fucked up, you know, how you just left me?" _ _Santana blinked, trying to force her eyes open.  
It was three in the morning, and this Thursday night was like every other.  
For some reason Brittany would stay at home and get drunk off her face, and then she'd dial Santana's number and vent into the phone. She always said the same words every single time. It was like it was rehearsed, or she had written it down on a piece of paper and forgot that she had already read it out to Santana every single week prior for the past three months._

_"I know," Santana said softly. The first few times that Brittany had done this, Santana had been angry.  
'It was hard for me too!' she heard the echo of her previous self echo through her mind.  
But soon she realised that yelling at Brittany, and also consequently feeling the familiar feeling of pain again, was futile.  
Also Berry would usually storm into Santana's room without knocking and chastise her for 'yelling at someone with a fragile heart'. Which would then lead to Santana screaming at Rachel, like who the fuck did she think she was saying that Brittany had a fragile heart?  
Did it ever occur to Rachel that she, Santana Lopez, also had a fragile heart and so swear to god the fact that everytime she heard Brittany's voice, albeit slurry and drunk, she wanted to just die?  
Once she had thrown a book at Rachel's face which had obviously been the last straw for Kurt, who had decided to take away Santana's phone every single Thursday after 6pm so 'no yelling would happen in my house,' to which Rachel would remind him it was 'their' house, to which Santana would remind them that it wasn't even a house.  
Just a tiny studio apartment somewhere in New York._

_But there was something refreshing about the way that Brittany drunk-dialled her in this bizarre routine. Santana was sure that she did it on purpose. That Brittany had no courage to talk to her sober and that the only way to express how she felt was through being drunk and over the phone.  
And Santana let her, because she knew how Brittany was feeling. How the pain and anguish kept her up most nights, as she just wasted away staring at her blank ceiling whilst the busy taxis of New York City rushed along below her._

_So when Kurt had come home saying he had had a stress-filled day complaining that all the other students in his Thursday class had for some reason started harassing him (Santana had totally not paid them to do that) and decided to have a 'very long, stress relieving bath,' Santana had rooted through his room until she had found her phone, leaving one that she had also 'borrowed' from some lady in her extended dance class who also conveniently happened to have the exact same phone._ _Kurt didn't suspect a thing._

_And so every Thursday night Santana listened to Brittany swear and drabble and cry and then snore when she had calmed down and fallen asleep, and it was like some kind of disgusting and twisted medicine to her._ _And the best part was Brittany never remembered anything the next day._

_"It's so fucked up!" Santana flinched when she heard the all too-familiar words as she touched 'answer' on the touch screen of her phone._ _"It is," Santana whispered._ _"You always used to say-," Brittany hiccuped and then paused. "Go away, Lord Tubbington. I know you gave ecstasy to the boy next door."_

_Santana didn't say anything, and just waited for Brittany to continue, which she did. "You always used to say you loved me more. I used to say I love you..you used to say I love you more, and you know what? You're a liar!" Brittany's voice became more high pitched at the end._ _"I am," Santana agreed._  
_"Where are you now? Because I need you," Brittany said, starting the round where she would cry hysterically for awhile and then fall asleep because she seemed to tire herself out by crying._

"I..Sam..I don't want..I saw you singing..you said you'd never give up on me.."

_"I know," Santana said. "I'm a liar though, remember?"_

_There was a silence for awhile and neither Santana nor Brittany could really remember why either of them were talking to each other on the phone like this, though Brittany's mind quickly overrided with thoughts of sleeping, and spooning the pillow as if it were Santana, whereas Santana began to wonder if the Thursday nights that she longed for were really worth it anymore._

_"I think..you should stop calling me, Brittany," she said, calling her by her first name and not 'Britt-Britt.'_ _There was another silence._ _"Maybe," she said, and Santana could hear Lord Tubbington purring on the other end as if he agreed. Stupid fat cat. But the reminder of the cat sitting next to Britt made Santana's heart-ache. She remembered how Brittany would wait up in her room after she knew that her mother had already let Santana in. She would pose seductively like in those magazines for boys, but it was more for a laugh than for anything else, especially since Lord Tubbington would be lying down, his front legs curled under him, looking like some kind of weird furry box._

_Santana glanced at the time. 4:09am. Maybe she should hang up. Maybe she should never answer any calls from Brittany ever again._ _Yes._ _That is what she would do. Whenever she saw Brittany's name, she wouldn't answer it._ _Heck, maybe she'd even give back that weird lady with the toe fungus's phone back and actually let Kurt take her real one. Yeah, maybe she'd be honest with him for once._ _"You couldn't accept the fact that you really loved me," Brittany said softly into the phone. This time, she didn't sound drunk. She sounded sad._ _"Hey, Britt," Santana replied softly, feeling her throat clench and the tears well in her eyes. "I don't think you should call me anymore. Spend your nights doing homework..or something. Stop drinking. Spend your Thursday nights with..Sam."_ _There was a silence and Santana could hear Brittany sniffling on the other end. Her heart broke._ _"Santana..I.."_

_But Santana had hung up. Maybe Brittany was going to say what Santana thought she was going to say and that was why she hung up. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to go back to her high school self. When she realised that everything was going to change, she decided she needed to change, she always needed to be changing._

_"Nothing stays the same," she reminded herself, and quickly decided that Brittany was not going to say the three words that Santana had thought she would. Maybe she was going to say, 'Santana I am not going to call you anymore' and she had only sounded sad and had been heartbreakingly crying because Lord Tubbington may have gotten up and started weirdly biting her hair, which he did sometimes, for no reason whatsoever. Or maybe he had tried to sleep on her stomach, which would hurt, because he was fat._

_And so Santana decided, as she snuggled down into her bed with her phone tightly in her hand, that is what Brittany was going to say, and that was why she was letting go of everything Brittany right in this minute._

* * *

**_Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out.  
_**  
"One word and I'll come back for you. Just one word. Any word."

Santana waited, and looked up at the ceiling. "If there really is a God, you'll do something'" she muttered half threateningly.  
But there was nothing. Nothing. She heard nothing.

She sighed. Maybe Brittany hadn't been home after all. After all, all she'd heard was a small thump. It could have been anything, really. She turned around, deciding to explore this town instead of going back to the apartment. Maybe she'd find a bar and get drunk.  
Yeah, alcohol, she praised herself silently. Best idea you've had for a long time.

But as she walked down the hall, a voice rang out, bouncing off each of the surrounding walls.

"Santana, wait."  
**_  
_**Santana stopped walking, wondering if she had imagined the voice.

Well, there was only one way to find out, wasn't there?

She took a deep breath, and then turned back around.**_  
_**

* * *

AN: NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE HAPPIER THAN THE REST OF THEM! (Talking in caps because even I'm excited for the Brittana fluff coming up haha, this is it for the moment in sad and thoughtful chapters :P)


	7. if its us against the world, we got it

Brittany stood in her doorway. She gripped the rim of her doorway tightly, propping herself up with one hand. The other hand lay uselessly by her side, clutching a wad of tissues. As Santana looked from the tissues to Brittany's face, guilt washed over her as she saw Brittany's blotchy eyes, though she was sure that her own were just as red.

"Brittany?" she ventured cautiously, taking a step towards the door. She took in Santana's facial expression to determine what to do next. She looked like she had just woken up from a dream, though whether it was a good or bad dream, Brittany couldn't tell. She was only a few metres away, though it felt like the entire expanse of the Grand Canyon lay between her and Brittany. Brittany took a deep breath, wondering what she had planned to achieve by opening her door, and thus her life, once again to Santana.

Santana; who had grabbed her fragile state and torn her into tiny, little pieces of nothing.  
Santana; the one she loved the most.

Her eyes felt watery again as Santana's recent babbles echoed through her mind again. Santana had been as unsure and regretful of their break-up as Brittany had. She had been scared. She had just given to all of the actions that she had done that had made Brittany angry and sad. She had maybe not so much justified them, other than the fact she herself had been scared and looking out for her own emotional level, but she had explained them, and that's all Brittany needed right now to continue this.

"Hi," Brittany replied, her voice on an equal level of caution. The two girls stared at each other as if they were facing off. Brittany took a deep breath.

She knew what she wanted from this, what she had wanted ever since she had agreed to let Sam invite _everyone, _including Santana, to her apartment here in Massachusetts. She knew what she wanted from day one.  
She wanted Santana. For the other girl to be there for her, for the other girl to support the things she did, for the other girl to acknowledge to the other that their feelings hadn't died since the moment they had separated.

That one still wanted the other as much and as badly as the other one did.

"Long time no see!" Brittany's voice went about three octaves higher as she broke the silence with her chipper voice. Santana tilted her head slightly to the side in deep confusion. Why was Brittany suddenly so happy? Three seconds ago they had been staring at each other with red-rimmed eyes, and now, it was like they were reuniting for the first time in years.

But that was just it, they were reuniting for the first time in years. The only way Brittany knew how to make it better was to pretend that what had just happened, had never gone down. She had nothing to apologise for, so she couldn't, and Santana was too, well, too Santana-ish to apologise first, especially when she was unsure of Brittany's actions or reactions to what she would say.

And Santana knew what Brittany was doing as she watched a small, though unsure, smile creep across Brittany's face. The two could read each other like open books, no matter how much time had passed. Brittany was pretending that before never happened, Santana realised. She wanted it to not have happened just as bad as Santana did, and this was her way to fix it. The rest would be up to Santana.

Santana dared herself to step closer to Brittany, so close that the two could hold eye contact with each other. Brittany's blue eyes met Santana's almond brown ones almost pleadingly, the look in her eyes betraying the smile on her face. She wanted to start over, they both did.  
A fresh start.

Santana forced a smile, even though she was sure that her smile looked ridiculously fake against her red eyes, similar to the way Brittany's was.

"Yeah," Santana let out a chuckle, though it sounded just as unsure as her actions were making it. She cast her eyes downward shyly. "You're looking good."

Brittany's smile became just a little wider. She was glad that Santana didn't look like she was about to bolt back down the corridor.  
"Thanks, you're not too bad yourself, Santana."

Santana laughed politely and Brittany let go of the rim and stepped into her apartment, beckoning for Santana to come in. "Please come in," she said, trying to keep any tone that sounded like begging out of her voice. Santana stepped into the apartment as if for the first time and looked around. There had been a lot of things that she had missed before; she had been too transfixed on Brittany. But now she would do anything to avoid Brittany's gaze, as she could feel it burning through her as if it were fire.

"You have a nice house," Santana nodded her thanks as Brittany gestured to the couch. She sat on the marshmellow like, maroon coloured sofa, sinking into it slightly.

"Thanks," Brittany said, her voice never losing the polite edge it had taken on since Santana had stepped into her house. She looked at Santana who looked almost as uncomfortable as she felt. "So what brings you to my humble abode?

"Um," Santana took a deep breath. She wanted to do it right this time. Brittany was giving her a second chance, and though she wasn't entirely sure that this was reality, she still wasn't a hundred percent sure why. It wasn't like she deserved it one bit.  
Though this time, she wasn't going to screw it up. She wasn't going to not enjoy today just because she was worrying about tomorrow; about what would come next.

"I heard you had something to tell me," the words hung in the air as Brittany raised an eyebrow and studied Santana's demeanour. Her composure was stiff and she sat at the very end of the couch as if were getting ready to flee at any second. Brittany knew it would take a large toll on Santana to hear her say it again, so she had to want this as badly as Brittany did, maybe more.

She said it as gently as she could.

"I have lung cancer."

Santana nodded straight away, almost before Brittany had even finished her sentence. She told herself internally to just nod, she didn't have to say anything, she didn't have to react in any other way. She slid easily off the couch since she was almost off of it anyway and for a moment Brittany was scared that that wasn't what she had meant and that she was going to leave again, but Santana walked over to Brittany until she stood directly in front of her. Brittany maintained eye contact with her the entire way.

Santana held out her hands to Brittany; her palms facing upwards.  
"May I?" she asked. Brittany nodded calmly.

Santana gently took Brittany's hands in her own. They were still soft, still silky, and they felt the same as they had all those years ago. Santana ran her touch up Brittany's long fingers as she spoke, wondering if she was crossing a line, though she couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry," she said soothingly. "If you need me, I'll be here for you. Friends forever, right?"

Brittany looked up at her, wondering if that was what she had really meant. Santana had never said the words 'friends forever' to her before. At first it had been 'best friends forever' and then later on it had simply become 'forever.' That was the only label they had ever put on their relationship.

She knew, however, that Santana was trying to redeem herself, and she still wanted to be mad at Santana for her actions a few hours prior, but there was something in Santana's eyes, regret, longing, guilt maybe, that made her push it all aside.  
"Thank you," Brittany replied serenely, closing her eyes briefly. She tried to muster up some of the courage inside her and ask, "Will you really? Be here for me, I mean?"

Santana looked at her quizzically. Was Brittany asking what she thought was asking? Did Brittany really want Santana to be here for her? Did she know what she was actually asking?

"I'll be your friend again if you'll let me," she said, releasing Brittany's hands. She was aware of the fine line between them and she didn't want to cross it; not so soon. "I'll come and visit, I mean, if you want me too, but I won't...overdo it. I don't want to piss Sam off."  
In reality, Santana couldn't care less if she pissed Sam off, but it sounded like a good thing to say, and right now, Santana needed to get on Brittany's good side.

The word 'friend' imprinted itself again in Brittany's mind, but she decided not too overthink it. "I have friends over all the time, it wouldn't piss Sam off. I mean, why would it?"

"Um," Santana looked at her awkwardly and she wrung her hands together. "Well, because we dated and stuff I guess. I don't want Sam to think I'm..overstepping my bounds."

Santana had built a wall around herself, but she was trying to climb over it. And all Brittany wanted to do was to give her her hand and help pull her over it, but she wasn't sure how.

"It's none of Sam's business, really, who comes over. Unless it's a murderer or a robber or something. Either way, I'm sure he'd love to catch up with you, too."

Santana didn't say it but she was pretty sure that Sam would rather stab out his eyeballs with a toothpick than 'catch up with Santana.'  
"Well, aren't you guys dating?" Santana tried to act really casual, but she felt like someone's foot was stuck down her throat and she ended up making a really weird noise at the end. Brittany stared at her, and Santana cleared her throat, giving Brittany back a cool gaze and hoping she hadn't noticed.

"No, why would you think that?" Brittany frowned at first, and she couldn't help the giggle the escaped her throat. "Just because he lives here?"

Santana paused, and her eyebrows crinkled together. "What? Aren't you and Sam dating?"

"No," Brittany laughed again. The atmosphere in the room seemed to change, everything became lighter, clearer. "He just lives here. He's my..well, he's my best friend here. He works down the street, but I don't remember what he does. It's a really weird job."

Santana chewed down on her lip, feeling as if a rock had been lifted off her chest. She had assumed that Brittany was dating Sam, and she wasn't sure why. Because they lived together? Those few nights that she had spent wishing that she was in Sam's position felt wasted and silly now. "He isn't a stripper again, is he?"

Brittany giggled again and Santana felt her cheek muscles relax, the sound was revitalising. Santana had missed Brittany's laugh.  
"No," Brittany replied, sticking out her tongue slightly against the edge of her mouth. "He's something else. Something that doesn't involve being naked."

"If you say so," Santana dared to say teasingly. She looked up at the girl that she used to love with all of her heart. Though she seemed the same; she had obviously grown up so much. It was strange to see her after so many years. She wondered if Brittany had thought of her as much as she had thought about her, and wondered that if she had, what she had been thinking about. She didn't seem mad anymore about the break-up, maybe she'd let it go. Maybe she'd moved on. It hurt Santana to imagine Brittany moving on; to think of her kissing someone else, loving someone else, being happy with someone else, but there wasn't any time to think of that now. Brittany was sick and Santana had just said she'd be there for her, and that's what she would do.

"How come you guys live together then?" Santana asked out of genuine curiosity.

"Well, Sam got a job offer as a.." she trailed off, the word she wanted to say escaping her mind for a minute. "An accountant?" It started with A but it was escaping her now. She was too focused on Santana, and how smooth and touchable the skin on her face looked. She blushed momentarily, looking away so Santana couldn't see. Santana was being mature about the situation now, and that's what Brittany had wanted her to do. She needed to get these teenage thoughts about Santana out of her mind now; it wasn't the right time.

"An accountant? Sam?" Santana scratched her jaw, trying to imagine Sam sitting in an office doing complicated maths stuff. Yeah, she couldn't.

Brittany's gaze fell to the ground, hoping the redness that she had felt in her cheeks was gone. "Yeah, he designs house. That's it, I always get it confused with acupuncture."

What was she even talking about? The words were just streaming out of her mouth unstoppably. She began to feel nervous as she felt Santana inch closer to her as the two pieces of fabric that covered their legs brushed briefly against the other.

Santana blinked. She too, felt ecstatic about being so close to Brittany after so long, but she didn't want to make it obvious, so she furrowed her brow deep in thought. "Acupuncture is stabbing people with needles for, well, I don't even know. Accounts do something to do with money and maths? Architects design houses, though, is that what you meant?"

Brittany finally felt herself cool down so she managed to meet Santana's gaze. Santana was suddenly scared. Had she offended Brittany? She knew how sensitive Brittany used to be about confusing information. Was she still like that even though she had proved to everyone that she was really smart? She sighed in relief when she saw Brittany's lips pull up in a smile.

"I knew that," Brittany giggled, her mind finally becoming clear, though she still had to look away from Santana's gaze in order to speak. "Yeah, architect. He works for Goodmans Artichecture Corp on the street down from here. When he found out where the job was located, he asked to move in, purely as friends. It's great, we go half half on everything and he looks after Lord Tubbington when I have weekend trips to places."

Santana's eyes widened. "Lord Tubbington is here? No way! Where is his highness, how come I never saw him before?"

She pointed to further down the living room and Santana followed her gaze, noticing an actual miniature human bed, with canopy and all, placed on an elevated stand in front of a hallway. There, perched as royally as always, was the fattest cat that Santana had even seen in her life, and seeing Lord Tubbington there made her laugh so hard she was sure she would have abs by the time she could catch her breath. Brittany smiled. She felt really light-hearted now, talking with Santana like this.

"He clearly hasn't taken any opportunity to diet, huh?" Santana commented and Brittany shot her a faux-horrified look. "Lord Tubbington doesn't like to discuss his weight," she whispered and gave Santana a reprimanded look as if she should know better. Santana laughed, feeling herself relax.

The more she stared at Brittany, the more she had an urge to kiss her. She wasn't dating Sam, but that didn't necessarily mean she was single. Then again, she hadn't brought it up so maybe she was? She couldn't help but inch closer and she watched as Brittany's gaze dropped down to their legs that were now touching. She took in a deep breath and decided to just say it; there was no point holding back anymore. Even though Brittany could probably shatter her heart once again in this moment, Santana remembered she wasn't even going to be here a full week.

She placed one of her hands on Brittany's, surprised by how warm it was.

"I really missed you, Britt," she whispered. "Things were really different without you in my life."

Brittany nodded. Did this mean that Santana actually did feel the same?  
"I know," was all she said. There was a fleeting silence before she added, "I missed you too, San."

They met each others gaze and held it, Santana's eyes searching Brittany's own as if she were asking for permission. Brittany's lips curved up in an unsure smile as she spoke. "Especially your sweet, sweet lady kisses."

Santana, who had been deep in thought about what she should say next, felt a shock of electricity go up her spine as she absorbed what Brittany had just said. Unsure, she looked up at Brittany's face, who had her lips curved into a wider smile now that she knew Santana had heard her.

Her eyes seemed to nod at Santana's, giving Santana permission to do what she wanted to do, what they both wanted to do.

Santana leaned forward first, her lips pressing hard against Brittany's. They stayed like that for a few moments, and then she leaned back.  
"Was that okay?"

Brittany's eyes twinkled. "It was more than okay."  
Santana grinned at her. "Then this will be better than okay," she said as she leaned forward again. She felt Brittany's soft lips press more hungrily against her own, and she opened her mouth to give Brittany full access. She lifted her hands off the couch, trying to steady herself with her hips instead, and wrapped them around Brittany's neck. Her fingers ran through each patch of bare skin she could find on Brittany's back, and Brittany moaned quietly into the kiss.

The two broke apart, and neither of them could stop smiling.  
"I've dreamt about doing that for a long time," Brittany whispered shyly.  
Santana didn't reply. She knew she had missed Brittany, but she didn't know she had missed her _that much. _It was hard to look at Brittany without wanting to get their 'sweet, sweet lady kisses' on again, or to be honest, all the time.

She leaned forward again, but Brittany held her own finger against her lips, denying Santana access. Santana frowned, wondering what was happening. She looked at Brittany for an explanation.  
"Lord Tubbington is in the corner," she whispered. "He's watching us, isn't that weird?"

Santana stared at her, her forehead crinkling as she turned her head. Sure enough, Lord Tubbington was staring at them through narrowed eyes. She was pretty sure that the cat didn't know what was going on, but to be completely honest, it did weird her out.

"Weird," she whispered back. "Really weird."

The two sat there, unsure of what to do next. Santana shifted slightly, wondering if Brittany would protest if she threw Lord Tubbington into another room so that the two could get their mack on again, but Brittany took Santana's hand in hers.  
"Where are we going?" Santana asked as the two of them stood up. She hoped this didn't mean they were going to join the others at dinner. She wanted more alone time with Brittany, and she still wasn't ready to see the others yet. Especially like this, what was she going to tell them? And what did this even mean? She looked at Brittany. Did this mean they were together again or was it only going to be a one-week thing for the time that she was here?

"To my room," Brittany stopped all Santana's train of thought, and she felt really light-headed. She felt like a horny fourteen year old boy.

Brittany opened the door at the end of the hallway. "This is my room," she whispered, even though Santana was pretty sure that Lord Tubbington couldn't hear them. Santana glanced around briefly. It was almost exactly like Brittany's room back in Lima. She really hadn't changed that much.  
As Brittany guided her towards her bed, she noticed a small black white photo of them on top of Brittany's mirror dresser. It was the same one that she had had on the underside of her desk back at the University of Louisville, the one she had ripped up. She felt a small pang when she realised that she had really liked that photo; there had been so much happiness in their eyes. A simple, yet delicate, happiness.

Her attention was immediately diverted as Brittany grabbed Santana's long arms, pinning her down onto the bed. Her head fell against Brittany's bedsheets, noticing that they were the same pink-and-white stripped ones that Brittany had had all those years ago. Santana briefly wondered why Brittany had kept it but all thoughts were forced out of her mind as Brittany's lips met Santana's hungrily. It felt like a primal instinct, to take Santana right there and then. They had spent so many years apart that they wondered if the other still felt the same, still tasted the same.

Santana let Brittany take over her mouth but a passion builded up inside her and she grabbed the belt loops of Brittany's jeans and forced her onto the bed, flipping their positions. She pressed her chest again Brittany's, and she felt both of their hearts beat simultaneously, faster than they had ever beat before.

She lifted her head for a few seconds to take in Brittany's face, to assure her that this was actually Brittany and she wasn't just imagining it. Once Brittany's beautiful face was imprinted into her mind, she met Brittany's lips again. Brittany could tell that Santana had obviously been kissing other people, because she no longer felt like the teenage Santana she had once knew. She didn't necessarily think it a bad thing, but she also couldn't help wondering how much else had changed between the two of them.

She didn't have much time to think it through though, because her hips involuntarily grinded against Santana's as Santana suddenly moved her hands down to her breasts, cupping each one delicately. She moaned into Santana's mouth and Santana grinned, her lips moving up to show off her pearly white teeth in an almost arrogant smirk. Their lips met again as Santana realised that if this was just an anomaly, a rush of emotions and hormones just because they had seen each other again in such a long time; she wanted to make it last.

* * *

"Where are you going?" Brittany's voice echoed throughout the empty room as Santana sat on the edge of the bed, about to pull her trousers on. She turned around to face Brittany, and she tilted her head towards the window, where the sun was going down and it was getting dark.

"I have to go back to the apartment," she replied, hooking one foot through the black material. "Or Kurt and Rachel will freak out."

"Let them," Brittany said and Santana felt her wrist suddenly encased in an iron-grip, preventing her from moving further. "I want you to stay."

The sentence lay warm in Santana's belly and a small smile came over her face, though she shook her head. "I can't, not yet. I'm sorry."  
Brittany sighed in response. She knew that maybe they were acting too fast, too rash, but she couldn't care less. She wanted Santana so bad and she wasn't even sure why. Santana had once been her everything, and her being back here with her, making out with her, _being _with her, made everything feel right.

"This is sounding a lot like high school all over again," the words left Brittany's mouth before she could stop them. Santana, who had turned away before, now turned back to look at her, her eyebrows creasing together. What had Brittany meant by that? She briefly remembered saying those words to Brittany several times after they had had sex in high school, when Santana had been uncomfortable with her sexuality, and Brittany had wanted her to stay the night. But the words did not particularly match up to this instance. They hadn't had sex; just an intense make out session, and Santana was very much out of the closet.

Santana merely frowned in response. "I swear it's not like that Britt, I promise."

She wasn't exactly sure what 'this' was but she was also pretty sure that Brittany didn't know either; so she wouldn't be questioned further.

"If it really isn't like that, you'll stay the night," Brittany replied promptly. Santana stared at her. They had spent three years separated and Santana wanted nothing more than to stay the night. In fact, if she was given the opportunity, she wanted to stay with Brittany every single night from now on. She was assuming that Brittany felt the same; but this all felt too soon, too sudden, to much like a fantasy that had played through Santana's mind one too many times.

Santana paused, wanting to protest, but she realised Brittany was right. She was starting to sound like she did in high school. Too scared of other people to do what she wanted to do.

"Fine," she said, in a half-exasperated, half-playful tone. She collapsed back on the bed next to Brittany. "I'll stay."

"Yay," Brittany was smiling the biggest smile that Santana had ever seen, and Santana breathed a sigh of relief. That smile was worth whatever shit she'd have to face later. She fell back onto the bed and was instantly covered in Brittany. She inhaled Brittany's thick vanilla scent and sighed in content. Even if this was a dream, it was perfect; absolutely perfect.

"What about Sam though?" she asked, fingering Brittany's bedsheets absent-mindedly.

"Mmm," Brittany said, wrapping her bare legs around Santana's. The two girls were only in their underwear, and Santana felt a shiver run through her as their skin touched. They knew each other all too well, what was three years of missing out on each other now that they were with each other again?  
"I'll sneak you out early in the morning before he wakes up. He usually doesn't wake up until ten."

"Alright," Santana seemed content. At least everything wasn't going to unload on her tomorrow. She bit back the urge to ask Brittany what was happening now, but she didn't want Brittany to shoot the question back at her, because she didn't know what was going on now. They hadn't seen each other for so long, and then they'd argued, then they'd make up, and out. It was better to leave things unsettled for now, Santana decided. She didn't want Brittany to back out of this just because Santana wanted to put a label on them. She smiled at the irony of it, it had been the other way back in high school.

"I still better call the other idiots. Let them know I'm somewhere safe."  
She picked up her phone and called Rachel, who picked up after a few rings.

"Sorry Santana," Rachel apologised on the other end. "We're still at the restaurant, but we're almost done. What's up?"

Santana stared blankly at Brittany and both of them suddenly realised that they hadn't decided what to say.  
"I'm uh, staying at a friends house tonight," she said, clawing desperately for a reason as to why she wouldn't be home tonight.  
"Oh, Santana, you aren't drunk somewhere are you? Please don't go home with a stranger, I-"

"No! Rachel! God!" Santana exclaimed and Brittany stifled a giggle. "Is that what you think of me? No! I have a friend here, as hard as that may be to believe."

Rachel sighed. She obviously didn't believe Santana, so Santana decided to try a different approach.  
"Look, Rachel, if we're being completely honest here, the room that I'm staying in has a really weird vibe to it, like, I feel like someone died there, and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm at the motel we originally booked. Completely alone and completely safe, I swear."

"Did someone die in our apartment?" Rachel squeaked, completely ignoring everything that Santana had said. "Sam didn't tell us!"

Santana looked at Brittany and shrugged, a grin creeping over her face. "I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I heard a ghost before. Swear."

Rachel let out another squeak. "I'm going to yell at Sam. I'll see you tomorrow when I join you at the motel! Stay safe, Santana, please. Lock your doors and don't let anyone in."

"Same to you," Santana said solemnly. "Except I think that ghosts can walk through walls."  
Santana hung up quickly in the midst of Rachel squealing again, and the two girls quickly broke out into laughter.

"And people used to say I was gullible," Brittany said, through her tears. She buried her face in Santana's stomach, wiping her tears on Santana's singlet. "Oh my god."

The two girls laughter was interupted by Brittany's phone going off. Brittany answered it and put it on loudspeaker, holding a finger to her lips to make sure Santana stayed silent. Santana winked at her cheekily.

"Sam? What's up?"

"Hey Britt," Sam sounded pissed off. "Are you feeling better? Do you want me to drop off some leftovers?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Brittany said, steadying herself so she didn't sound too happy. "Drop off? Aren't you coming home?"

"No," Sam's tone was really irritated. "_Someone_ told Rachel that someone died in the apartment that Fawad lives in, the one he offered to let them stay in, and she won't shut up about it. The only way to calm her down was to tell her I'd stay there tonight to ensure that I had let them stay in a completely safe place."

Brittany let out another giggle, and buried her face in her pillow to stop herself from laughing too loud. "That's okay, really Sam. I know how Rachel is."

"If you need me there, I'll come back home," he sounded concerned and Santana couldn't help smiling. She really liked Sam at this moment. He cared about Brittany a lot. But she was also more happy that he wasn't _with _Brittany, either.  
"Kurt and Blaine can sort Rachel out."

"Nah," Brittany said hastily. "Maybe it'll be good for me to be alone for a bit. Sing some stuff, watch some of those movies you hate to cheer me up, you know?"

Sam let out a little laugh. "Alright, Britt," he said. "But seriously if you need something, at any time of the night, call me. I'll be there in two seconds, swear it."

"Thanks Sam," Brittany said softly. "I'll be alright though. I'll see you and everyone tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, will you be okay for that?" Sam asked and Brittany knew he was referring to her telling everyone what she had.  
"Yeah," she said. "We're all going out for lunch right? What time?"

"Two in the afternoon. I'll be home around eleven in the morning, alright?"

"Yeah, night Sam. Have fun with Rachel!"

"I won't, stay safe Britt."

Brittany hung up the phone and placed it gently on her bedside table. She wiggled herself closer to Santana until they were face to face, nose to nose.  
"That worked out well," she breathed gently. Santana laughed, careful not to be too loud either. "Yeah, it really did."

The two stayed like that for a few minutes, just marvelling in the others presence. No words needed to be said between them.

"Well," Brittany's voice cut through the silence. "I'm tired after all that making out so I'm going to get some sleep," she said. "Since I know you'll be here in the morning." Santana raised an eyebrow but Brittany smiled to let her know she wasn't being mean about it. "My alarm is set for ten, so you have an hour to do the walk of shame until Sam comes home."  
Santana reached up and smacked Brittany's arm gently. "Walk of shame huh? We didn't even..you know," she said, blushing. Santana had never been one to be ashamed of saying the word 'sex', like hey, she said it about twenty times on a daily basis, if not more, but there was something in Brittany's eyes that made her strangely shy of saying anything..intimate.

Brittany winked at her, which increased the feeling. Santana crushed her thighs together nervously. "Soon," was all Brittany replied as she suddenly turned around so her back was to Santana. "Spoon me," she simply said. Santana's blood that had rushed to her cheeks quickly settled back down and she was sure her face was its normal colour as she hesitantly wrapped one arm around Brittany's torso. She had missed this so much. Her fingers curled around Brittany's arm and she let out a sigh of relief.

Things were getting better, and as she rested her own head on Brittany's feathery pillow, she realised that though she had felt like a mouse running on a non-stop exercise wheel just the previous week, she was pretty sure that Brittany was about to help her off it, if she hadn't already.

She felt Brittany's chest heave and then relax as she breathed quietly, and a small pang of an emotion Santana couldn't quite put a name on yet hit somewhere deep inside of her. She rested her mouth near Brittany's ear, wanting to tell her how much she really had missed her, how her days seemed empty and unfulfilling, how much she...loved her, but she knew this wasn't the time. Brittany probably didn't need Santana barging in on her life full-force, so Santana would wait, because that's what you do to people you love.

Santana reached up and turned off the light, though as she closed her eyes, they seemed to spring back open. A thousand lyrics swirled around in her head and she realised there was so much more that she wanted to say to Brittany. She didn't want to sleep yet.

"_You can't just give up now, there's still so much to say," _Santana began to sing softly. She felt Brittany lift up her head and she could still see her blue eyes shining in the dark. Brittany gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek before turning around again.  
"Santana, if you're going to sing, sing something happy," she chided. "You know I don't like sad songs."

Santana gave her a coy look, her mouth twisted to the side of her face. All the pressure that seemed to have build up on her eased itself away when she heard Brittany's light tone.  
"Aw come on, Britt," she teased. "You know it's the Glee club's way to sing away our feelings. Also, it's not really a sad song when you think about it."

Brittany rolled her eyes playfully. "Yeah, but this is a Glee club _reunion,"_ she pointed out. "Not the Glee club itself."

"What's the difference?" Santana shrugged, running her finger along Brittany's pale blue singlet.  
"_Wanna tell you, show you, what you mean to me without walking away."_

Brittany giggled, and she turned around to face Santana. "I'm too tired to walk away," she stuck out her tongue sarcastically. But she couldn't deny that she had really missed Santana's singing.

Santana gave her a small smack. "Shush," she replied before she continued.  
"_I know it's been so rocky. What kind of struggle today? But girl you've been my sunshine when all my clouds were grey." _She leaned forward until her nose was touching Brittany's, and Brittany let out another giggle, she just felt so happy that Santana was here with her. "_This__ hearts been through tornadoes, earthquakes and hurricanes, but my worst __disaster was knowing that it was me to blame."_

"Since you're obviously not going to let me sleep," Brittany sighed dramatically. "I'll join in."  
Santana raised an eyebrow as Brittany sang the next verse. "_Your feelings now are mixed, your hearts in constant strain, but now I'm changing my ways, because without you babe I'll go insane."_  
_  
_"Impressive," Santana said, genuinely surprised that Brittany knew the song. Brittany scoffed as if she knew what Santana had been thinking, and the two locked eyes mischeviously.  
_"Can you hear the melody, can you see the sounds?" _both of them suddenly sung at the same time. "_Enter your body and travel up and down. Baby don't be frightened, let it free your soul. Take my hand, once again, we're unstoppable." _The two girls laughed softly and Santana's heart thudded so hard against her chest she knew Brittany could hear it, but she wasn't ashamed.  
She reached for Brittany's hand underneath the covers and found her pinky, intertwining hers and Britt's together. Just like the way they used too. Just the way it should be.

"_If it's us against the world, we got it_," Santana whispered in Brittany's ear as she kissed her cheek goodnight. Brittany murmured something that sounded a lot like, "I love you, Santana," but Santana wasn't sure and she wasn't going to ask. It didn't matter what Brittany had said, because in this moment, she was perfectly content.

* * *

"Wakey wakeyy!"

It was like every other Rachel Berry morning call, and Santana groggily reached over to grab her alarm clock (which was rendered useless when Berry was in the house) to throw it at her, having no doubt that Rachel was standing in her doorway. Her hands ran over the bedside table but she couldn't find the alarm. She blinked her eyes until her bleary vision became clear and stared blankly at the bedside table which was supposed to be a dark brown, but was now white.

She stared at it for a few moments wondering how the hell her bedside table had changed colours, when it suddenly occurred to her.  
It wasn't her bedside table.  
Which meant..

She looked over to her left. There, tangled in the bedsheets, and around Santana's torso, was Brittany.  
Santana stared at Brittany's sleeping body for a few moments, a warm smile spreading over her lips when she realised last night hadn't been a dream.  
It had been real.  
_Yes._

But if this was all real and she was in Brittany's bed, then why was Rachel…

"Brittany!" Rachel's voice called again, and Santana heard Brittany's front door slam, and then a group of voices. "Everyone's here to see you! Are you awake? Sam let us in so don't freak out. The whole gang is here!"

Santana's happy face turned into one of horror. _No. No. No. No. No. This can't be happening. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.  
_She looked down at Brittany, who was definitely not awake. Her lips were parted softly and she was drooling slightly on the end of Santana's singlet. Santana's eyes darted to her own body, other than the singlet, she was only in her black lacy underwear.  
_No. No. No No.  
_"Brittany!" she hissed, and tried to unwrap herself from the other girls grasp, but Brittany had a tight grip. "Fuck!" she whispered. "Brittany!"  
Brittany murmured something incomprehensible, but she let Santana go. She rolled over, mumbling something as she went, and then slumped over on her own on the other side of the bed, dangerously close to the edge.  
Santana looked to the door and felt mildly relieved when she saw it was locked. Someone knocked and a low voice came. "Brittany? Hey, it's Sam. Sorry to wake you like this, but Rachel insisted on coming over with breakfast and now everyone else is here too. And I literally mean everyone else."

Santana was pretty sure that if she could see her own face right now, she'd look like something out of a horror movie. She couldn't even comprehend how her face looked right now. She was horrified. Absolutely horrified.

Sam tried to turn the knob and Santana let out an audible sigh when it made a 'click' noise and didn't open. Thank fuck Brittany had locked the door. She silently thanked Jesus, or whoever, and then she began to tap on Brittany's shoulder repeatedly.

"Brittany!" she hissed again. Finally, the other girls eyes opened, and when she saw Santana hovering over her, she smiled, which made Santana smile too, and she momentarily forgot about the danger on the other side of the door.  
"Oh, hey, San-" Brittany began really loudly, so Santana's hand quickly covered Brittany's mouth. Brittany exclaimed the rest of the sentence in Santana's hand and shot her a dirty look.

"Brittany, is that you? Are you okay?" Sam's voice floated in front the other side of the door. Brittany's eyes widened and Santana nodded at her fervently. 'Say yes!' she mouthed.  
"Yeah, uh, yeah, sorry. I'll be out soon," she called back. "You're home early."

"Yea-" Sam began but he was cut off by Rachel. "Brittany hurry up and come out!" she said impatiently. "Everybody here is really excited to see you!"

Brittany, who like Santana, obviously hadn't expected to hear Rachel, let out a little scream which made her fall off the bed with a loud 'thump'.  
Santana buried her head in her pillow and threw the sheets over her head as she began to laugh uncontrollably. They were like teenagers who had been caught out, and instead of it hurting, it was hilarious.

"Shut up!" Brittany whispered at her good-naturedly, letting out a little giggle.  
"Brittany? Brittany! It's Quinn, hurry up and get dressed!" a bossy voice came from the other side of the door. Santana's eyes widened. How awkward. The last time she had seen Quinn was when..

"Brittany, is everything alright in there?" It was Kurt speaking now. Brittany's jaw dropped and Santana let out a groan.

Fucking hell, was everyone in the Glee club just standing outside Brittany's door? Hadn't they ever heard of privacy?

"Yeah," Brittany called. "My pillow just fell off my bed."

Santana could practically hear everyone's confused looks.

"A pillow wouldn't make that much noise!" a much dreaded voice came from the other side. "Hi, Brittany!"

"Mr. Schuester?" Brittany exclaimed in a high pitched squeal.

"Yep!" the cheery voice came back. "Emma's here too! But she's washing her hands in the kitchen at the moment. We're all ready for you to come out!"

Brittany and Santana exchanged a look.

They were so definitely fucked.

* * *

AN: Hope you guys liked this much happier chapter :) I had heaps of fun writing it so get ready for more like this! The song in the title and the song Santana sings to Brittany is 'Unstoppable' by Ryan Bandong (really good song) the next chapter will come a little slower than the others have because unfortunately now i'm being bogged down by assignments :( but hey, at least brittana's in trouble together, right? ;)


	8. ill keep you like a dirty little secret

"What do we do?" Brittany asked, looking around the room wildly. Santana's heart sank. "Maybe I can just come out," she shrugged.  
"You've already come out," Brittany said, confused. Santana laughed softly. "I mean of your room, with you. Maybe we can just be honest this time."

Brittany's expression softened and she walked over to Santana, kissing her lightly on the nose and taking her hand in hers. "I appreciate that," she said. "But I know you don't want that to happen. We both know. Also to be honest," she added. "After all that whining yesterday, if I came out of my room holding your hand, I'm pretty sure Sam would have my head on a stick."

Santana smiled, but still felt slightly ashamed at the mention of the day prior. She wished she could have changed her reaction the first time around, but she decided, with a fierce determination, she would still make it up to Brittany the way she deserved.  
"Okay, so where should we hide you?" Brittany said in a teasing voice.  
"Under your bed?" Santana suggested.

"So later on when I come home we can both be on top of my bed?" Brittany joked with a wink.

"Wanky," Santana smirked. But she looked to Brittany's bed, actually considering the idea. She frowned once she realised Brittany's bed was literally five inches off the ground.

"What the hell?" she said. "Why is your bed so low?"  
"Well," Brittany began. "I had a normal bed, but then Lord Tubbington kept getting stuck underneath it. Like, he'd crawl under but then he couldn't come out because he was too..because the bed was too low," she reprimanded herself after a second thought. "So I bought a bed that he couldn't get under at all."

Santana looked at her, exasperated, and her eyes darted to the bathroom. Brittany followed her gaze as if she knew what she was thinking.

"Maybe you can hide in there until everyone leaves," she said. "There's another bathroom anyway, and I'll try and get everyone out really fast. Just lock the door behind you, okay?"

Before Santana could even nod, Rachel's voice came from the other side of the wall. "Brittany? Can I use your bathroom to do my mascara? _Blaine,"_ she said, irritation ripe in her voice, "dragged me out of our bathroom before I had a chance to do it. Also, Puck is using your other bathroom and something tells me I don't want to use it after he's been in it."

Santana would probably have burst out laughing at Brittany's disgusted face if it had not been for the fact that it began to dawn on her that she was running out of places to hide.  
She turned around in a blind panic, and heaved a sigh of relief when she saw Brittany's closet on the far end. Brittany visibly relaxed when she saw it too, but her nose was still wrinkled at the thought of Puck.  
"Yeah, just a sec," she called to Rachel as she shooed Santana towards the closet.

"How ironic, I'm going back into the closet," Santana joked as she followed Brittany to the closet. Brittany suddenly turned around and pressed her lips against Santana's urgently.  
She pulled away after a few seconds.  
"Whoa, not that I'm complaining, but what was that?" Santana asked through her grin.  
"Just in case Rachel bores me to death later," Brittany teased lightly. "Wouldn't wanna leave without saying goodbye."  
Santana's stomach turned lightly at the thought of death but she pushed it away when she looked at Brittany's smiling face.  
"Well then," Santana said as Brittany began to take out more piles of clothes out of her closet and started to dump them on the floor. She grabbed Brittany's shoulders and turned her around and planted her lips back onto Brittany's.

Brittany, who had been crouching down, toppled over, dragging Santana on top of her. They both giggled and Brittany gave her another kiss on her nose. And as much as Santana loved Brittany's cute little kisses, she wanted something more, something deeper, something more, well, hot and heavy.

She shifted herself until she parted Brittany's legs with her knees. Her tongue met Brittany's in a quick frenzy, and she felt Brittany's back arch under her, begging Santana to kiss all down her body, to which Santana complied too.  
"Hiding you in my room is really hot," Brittany whispered to her.  
Santana made a little groan at the back of her throat as she tasted Brittany's neck, and trailed kisses around it, loving the way that she moaned each time that she stayed a little longer on each part than she was supposed too. She reached down to the top of Brittany's breast, and began to suck, leaving a small purple mark.  
"Santana!" Brittany moaned quietly into Santana's shoulder. She kissed the top of Brittany's head. "I know, baby," she said back with a wink. She tugged on Brittany's singlet strap when suddenly a loud knock on the door made Santana roll off Brittany so fast that Brittany didn't even see it happen.

"Mercedes in the house!" a loud voice came. "Why is everyone gathered outside of Brittany's door? Is she okay?"

The two girls inside groaned collectively and Brittany giggled as she pushed Santana into the closet.

Santana glanced frowningly at Brittany's mess. "You should really clean up your stuff," she commented.

"I did," Brittany threw her arms in the air in exasperation. "But then I lost Lord Tubbington so I had to go through every drawer and every cupboard to find him."

"Where was he?" Santana asked, sitting cross-legged on the closet floor, allowing Brittany to dump some of her clothes on her just in case some nosy Glee club member decided to snoop through Brittany's closet.

"In the pots and pans cupboard. Sam accidentally shut him in," she shrugged nonchalantly, throwing the last of her clothes on top of Santana.

Brittany held her hand over her mouth as she giggled at the sight of Santana draped in her clothes. "Can you breathe?" she snorted.  
"Yeah," came back the muffled reply, though Brittany could tell Santana was laughing too.  
Though honestly, under all of Brittany's clothes, Santana was probably at one of the happiest stages of her life. She could smell Brittany from every angle that she turned her head, and it was honestly the best feeling. "I'll probably just nap until I hear everyone leave."

"Alright," Brittany giggled again, scanning through all the clothes strewn on her floor and picking up the nearest pair of black trousers. She shut the closet door after finding a t-shirt and wriggled them on her long legs, ready to face everyone.

* * *

"Brittany!" an entire chorus of voices screamed, and Brittany could feel everyone trying to grab a piece of her from every single direction. All she could see was flashes of blonde, a mohawk, someone really tanned, someone with red hair before her world finally stopped spinning and she was in Rachel's arms. She looked at the brunette in bewilderment and she heard Sam exclaim, "Guys be careful!" since ever since he had found out she was sick, he was treating her like a glass ornament. He tried to rescue her from Rachel's surprisingly tight hug, but she batted him off.

"It's okay," she told him gently, which made everyone else look at her concerned. She groaned internally. She was going to have to break the news again. She glared witheringly at Sam, suddenly regretting letting him do this, even if he _had _brought back Santana.

She turned to the others and the regret lifted. She had really missed her friends, and since Santana was in the general vicinity, she felt like everything was perfect. She hugged Rachel back. "Hey," Brittany said softly, and Rachel stepped back at her beaming. "So I can use your bathroom?" Rachel's adoring expression quickly turned to one of embarassment. "My mascara.."

Brittany turned to look in the crowd and spotted Puck, who still had his mohawk. She had intended on scowling at him, but when she saw his familiar 'do, she grinned instead. He smiled sheepishly back and took her into his arms as Rachel scurried off. "We all really missed you, Britt," he said.  
"Same," Brittany said. "I miss the Glee club, all you guys, even you, Mr. Schue," she grinned at her old teacher, who quickly enveloped her in a hug after Puck had let her go.  
"Good to see you, Brittany," he said softly.  
She then hugged everyone, even Emma, who had kind of given her more of a pat on the back, and Sugar, who had found Lord Tubbington by the door and was now carrying him around. "I've never had a cat before," she went around telling everyone. "That's not a cat," she heard Mercedes mutter. "That's some kind of obese.."

"Mercedes!" Brittany interrupted quickly before Lord Tubbington overheard her. "Ey, Brittany," she grinned at her. "How's the nerd life treating you?"  
Brittany pulled a face, though deep down, she secretly liked being called a nerd. It meant she was smart, and even after all those years, even a tiny reminder such as being called a 'nerd' made her forget how dumb everyone had made her feel in high school.  
"Good," she said. "Obviously," Mercedes said, nodding at Brittany's apartment. "You're almost doing as good as me."

Brittany grinned at her and tugged uncomfortably on her trousers. She looked down at them and noticed how they hung awkwardly around her ankles and suddenly realised she must have grabbed the ones that belonged to none other than Santana, who threw them off in a frenzied hurry the night before. Dammit, she cursed herself. Out of all the clothes on the floor she had to grab _Santana's.  
_  
Mercedes gave her a questioning look at her silence.

"Ooooh," Brittany suddenly said, bouncing up. "How's your new single going? I bought it on iTunes already, and I made everyone in my seminar buy it too."  
Mercedes smiled at Brittany's enthusiasm. "You're the best," she said, playfully punching Brittany's arm, "I should pay you for advertisement."  
"Brittany!" another voice interupted them, and she felt arms wrap around the back of her neck. "How's my other favourite blonde doing?" Quinn asked in her ear.  
Brittany turned to face her, feeling warm in her stomach as she remembered the good times that the 'Unholy Trinity' shared. She never really realised how much she had missed Quinn, who just kept getting into shit all the time but still managed to maintain her perfect demeanour all the time. Brittany envied her.  
"Good," she said again. "How's Yale?"  
"Almost finished," Quinn said chipperly, letting go of Brittany's neck and standing next to Mercedes, who also gave the other blonde a playful punch. Brittany smiled.  
"I'm going to leave this nerd conversation," Mercedes said, sticking her tongue out at the two girls. "Yale, MIT, seriously, what's next? Sam at Harvard?"  
Sam frowned at her from the other side of the room but then grinned when she came over to talk to him instead.  
"Oh, really?" Brittany said, suddenly curious. "What are you going to do when you finish? You went to the Law School, didn't you?"  
Quinn giggled. "Yeah, so that means I'm going to be a lawyer. Or at least, try too."  
Brittany felt a surprising warmth to Quinn. Maybe it was because of the memories that she remembered from before, and how Santana was basically in each one of them. "You'll be great," she said, squeezing Quinn's arm.

* * *

Rachel smiled as she listened to all the talk that was happening outside the room. Everyone had really missed Brittany, and each other, of course, so this week was going to be amazing.  
She suddenly frowned. If Santana came around, of course. She'd have to swing by the motel later and drag Santana out. No way was she letting her get away with not spending time with the Glee club, or Brittany for that matter. Even if she had to personally blackmail with some of the videos she had taken of Santana singing in the shower..

Her train of thought quickly broke off as her eyes suddenly fell on a specific white blouse sitting between the bed and the entrance to the bathroom. It looked familiar, strangely so, and as Rachel subtlely walked over to it and looked at it, she saw the _Prada _label on it.  
She frowned, wondering when Brittany had gotten into designer labels or why this specific shirt was bothering her so much when there was countless other clothes on the floor. She didn't have to think long (mainly because she was Rachel Berry) until she put it together.

Santana had the exact same shirt.  
She remembered how happy Santana had been when Kurt had given it to her, after someone at his work offered it to him to give to 'his hot Spanish girlfriend' after seeing Santana and him together once. Kurt had then kindly told them that he was gay, but regardless, 'the hot Spanish' would love the shirt. And she did.

Rachel stared at it a moment longer before heading back to the bathroom. Maybe she was reading into it a little bit too much. Maybe Brittany had just gotten into fashion and designer labels, and the reason why she didn't look like a major fashionista at the moment was because she had just woken up. And nobody looked perfect when they woke up.  
Except herself.

She glanced once more at Brittany, who was in a really enthusiastic conversation with Mr. Schue, Emma and Blaine and decided that she should double check on Brittany's fashion standards before she drove herself crazy by overthinking things, when her eyes fell on Brittany's ankle-bashing trousers that didn't even fit her.

How come she could afford a _Prada _shirt but not pants that fit properly? Her eyes darted back to the shirt on the floor, and then to Brittany, attempting to create the mental image of her wearing the shirt, when something in her mind clicked.

The white _Prada _shirt. Black trousers.

Hadn't Santana been wearing that exact outfit yesterday?  
Her eyes trailed back to the mirror as Brittany walked back into her room. She glanced at Brittany suspiciously, wondering what was going on. Brittany noticed the look and swallowed hard.  
"Hey Rach! Sorry Rach! Just gotta brush my hair!" she said as enthusiastically as she could. "Are you done in here yet?"

Rachel looked up at her quizzically. "Yeah," she said, and gave Brittany an overenthusiastic smile which made Brittany feel more uneasy than she had before.

Brittany watched Rachel leave and her eyes darted to the closet, feeling a little fuzzy inside knowing that _Santana _of all people was inside of it. She smiled at herself in the mirror as she brushed her long blonde hair.

After Brittany had changed into a pair of similar pants that were actually hers, she hoped nobody would notice. Rachel did, though, and stared at them for a good five minutes before she said out loud, "Santana's still at Nazerre Motel, shouldn't she be here?"

Sam shot her a death glare, but Brittany just shrugged casually. "Maybe she'll catch up with us later," she said. "Santana always liked to sleep in."

The others felt the awkward tension so they dragged Brittany to her large dining table and they all gathered around the breakfast that Kurt and Blaine had set out.

"There's fruit here; bananas, blueberries, raspberries, pears, apples and oranges, and then here there's four different types of cereal and here's some bacon, no offense Puck or Rachel, but everyone else here loves bacon, here's some eggs.." Kurt trailed off, pointing to each piece of food in turn as if Brittany was some kind of moron who didn't know what the foods were, or as if she were blind and she couldn't see them in front of her.

She shrugged it off and quickly joined in the chatter of the others, wishing that it would be alright with everyone if she could just walk into her room and bring Santana out of the closet. Everyone continued to chatter about how much their lives had changed since last year. Quinn was about to graduate from Yale Law School, though Brittany knew that. Mike was a professional dancer and starred in several plays and performances, Tina was at UCLA (they both lived together) and Artie was at the Brooklyn Film Academy. Kurt had almost finished his drama program at NYADA as well, and was starring in some kind of musical theatre performance thing at the end of the month, to which he invited everyone too, and they all agreed to meet up again in New York to support him. Blaine was in his second year at NYU, studying..something. Brittany had accidentally zoned out.

"I'd show you some of my performance," Kurt cut off Puck as he was about to talk. "But my laptop was playing up last night, so I let it with the technicians down the road that said they'll have it ready for me before I leave."  
"It sucks because it had all our movies on it," Blaine said, only really being half relevant to what Kurt said. "And I left mine at home because I didn't want to look at all the schoolwork I have to catch up on."

"You can borrow my old one," Brittany shrugged. "There's nothing on it, except movies I think. I don't know if you'll like them though..there's.."  
"Perfect!" Blaine and Kurt said at the same time. She wondered why they were so enthusiastic about having movies to watch, but then she glanced at Rachel, and could only assume what she liked to do in her spare time.

"Anyway," Puck said, looking annoyed at being cut off, and everyone laughed. Puck then said that he had a full-time job working at the Air Force, and was the only one who couldn't come to Kurt's performance because of the very limited time he had off. Everyone then decided to spend as much time with Puck as possible. Mercedes was working in Los Angeles, producing music, becoming more famous than she had been the year before.

"So, Mr. Schue, what about you?"

"Well, we were hoping you guys would be the first to know, so we're really glad you're all here. Except for Santana, of course."  
An uneasy tension settled over the room and Brittany really hoped that Santana could hear whatever he was going to say from the closet.

"Well," Mr. Schue grinned really wide. "We, me and Emma, are-"

"Pregnant," Emma finished.

Everyone began to clap, and Rachel sprung up and kissed Emma on the cheek. "Congratulations!" everyone yelled from around the table. Emma blushed a deep red but Mr. Schue just looked really proud. Brittany smiled. Everyone was so happy. Kurt decided this was the best moment to bring the ice-cream cake from the fridge (when had that even gotten there?) and everyone eagerly grabbed a slice despite having the biggest breakfast of all time.

Everyone soon wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl, but they said they wanted it to be a surprise, and if they had any names thought of, to which Mr. Schue said they would name the baby after one of them (to which Emma stared at him until he said he was joking) and if they were still planning to teach at McKinley after the birth of their child, which was, of course, a yes.

* * *

Everyone soon finished breakfast and began forming little 'catch-up' groups again. Brittany was talking to Artie, Tina and Mike about Mike's career as a professional dancer when a high-pitched voice suddenly interrupted them.

"What are you sick with?'

A loud voice interrupted the silence and Brittany turned in surprise. Everyone's eyes darted between Sugar and Brittany in horror.  
"Aspergers," Sugar said in a horrified whisper, as if she couldn't believe she had blurted it out.  
"I, well, all of us, we really need to know. It's been killing us ever since Sam mentioned it," Kurt quickly cut in, sensing Brittany's sudden hostility towards her friend. "We all want to be here for you, but we need to know.."

"I didn't want to ruin the mood after such good news," Brittany said sharply. She turned to Sam, suddenly irritated. Did he have to mention it to everyone? Couldn't he have just asked everyone to catch up without all these details? She looked at everyone else, who all looked immediately awkward and tried to avoid her gaze, but then she decided to place herself in their shoes, she looked at Quinn. What if Quinn had been the one 'sick'? Wouldn't she want to know what Quinn was sick with? Wouldn't it have been on her mind for ages until she knew?

"Fine," she sighed, sitting down on the armrest of her chair. She looked at the people who had gathered around her, concerned, and she felt herself relax. "It's nothing really, just-"  
"Brittany," Sam said sharply. Brittany sighed, wondering who she should look at when she said this. After all, when she'd told Santana, she'd looked her in the eyes.  
She decided that none of them were right and instead looked at the wall between Quinn and Mike.  
"I have cancer, lung cancer," she muttered more to herself than the people she loved in front of her. It was silent, and she'd wondered if they'd heard her when she looked up, meeting a dozen teary faces. She felt moved by the fact they all cared for her, but she hated being the centre of attention like this.

"It's small-cell," she elaborated as Quinn hugged her around the neck again. "There's different treatments that I'll undergo this year, so it's not _too _bad," she said, ignoring Sam's look that he was shooting her because she was downplaying her sickness.

"Brittany, I'm so sorry," Emma said and began to stroke her arm. "We're all here for you, you know that, right?"  
Brittany nodded, suddenly feeling the tears well up in her eyes. "Yeah, thanks."  
"Aw, Britt-Britt," Kurt said, shoving Quinn out of the way to hug Brittany as well. "We'll do everything we can for you, don't cry." Brittany nodded, wiping the tears out of her eyes, even though everyone else in the room was crying as well. Mike walked around, offering everyone tissues even though he was wailing himself.

"I don't like being sad," Brittany interjected with a child-like simplicity. "Let's all go to the park and get ice-cream. Oh, and we can feed the ducks!"  
"Yes, let's," Rachel nodded at everyone else as she whipped out her phone. There was nothing from Santana, so Rachel sent her a text. _'You missed Brittany's announcement' _she typed. '_Also there was no ghost, you're such a liar, Santana. We're going to the park down the street. I hope for your sake that you join us.'_

"Of course, Brittany," Mr. Schue said. Brittany smiled through her tears. "I'll just get my jacket."

She walked towards her room until she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Hey," Sam said quietly so no-one could overhear them. "I'm really proud of you for this, and I know you might hate me for making you tell them, but everyone here loves you and wants to support you in every way possible, I hope you know that."  
Brittany smiled at him as Sam wiped away the rest of her tears. "Yeah, I do. Thanks."  
He smiled back at her, happy she wasn't too angry. "Hey, uh, I'll catch up with you guys okay? I just have to finish this plan I'm working on. It will only take about twenty or so minutes, and I know it takes you a long time to feed the ducks, so is that alright?"  
Brittany nodded. "Yeah sure, we'll be at our spot in the park. Don't be too long!"  
"I won't," Sam said, quickly disappearing into his room, keen to get his project out of the way so he could spend more time with the members in Glee club.

Brittany walked into her room and opened her closet, selecting a black jacket from the rail. She looked behind her to make sure no-one was there, before she ruffled the little bundle on the floor.  
"Santana!" she hissed quietly. Santana gave a little snore in return, and Brittany rolled her eyes though she was smiling. So Santana actually had taken a nap. She closed her closet door quietly and walked outside, everyone holding her as they went.

* * *

Santana's eyes fluttered open. She took a deep breath and felt suddenly surprised when she took in a familiar vanilla scent. Her eyes widened in surprise until she remembered that the reason she could smell Brittany was because she was covered in her clothes. She cocked her head to the side, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness, but she couldn't. She shifted slightly, feeling a leg cramp coming on, but there was no room.

She sighed, irritated, and made a mental note to tell Brittany off for being such a slob later. She held her breath and tried to listen to the sounds of people chatting that she had heard earlier, but she heard nothing. She cautiously pushed open the cupboard door to reveal Brittany's empty room. She got up, stretched, and quickly located her white blouse and black trousers and slipped them on.

She held her head to the door for awhile just to ensure that there were no voices. After about two minutes of silence, she opened the door and stepped out. She let out a giant sigh of relief as she noticed that no-one was there and she began to walk to the door when she suddenly collided with someone coming out from the hallway. She let out a little scream at the same time the other person let out a little yelp.

"_Santana!? _What the _hell _are you doing here!?"  
There was no mistaking whose angry tone it was.  
"Sam," she replied.

* * *

AN: Title/lyrics from 'Like I always do' by Varsity/'Dirty Little Secret' – American Rejects. I had a little break between assignments so I wrote this up, it was originally supposed to be one long chapter but i realised it was waaaay too long so I split the chapter into two. This is the first part :) (so its a bit of a filler chapter, sorry if anyone found it boring)  
and please keep reviewing, it makes me feel fuzzy inside! ;P


	9. when you took my heart, you took it all

"What the _hell _are you doing here?" Sam stared at her gobsmacked, unsure if he was imagining the Latina standing in front of him or if she was actually there. He held out a finger and prodded her bare forearm for good measure, only to be smacked away, quite brutally, by her arm. Yep, she was real.

He held his hand until the pain faded away, while Santana quickly glanced from wall to wall, wondering what excuse she could possibly come up with that would excuse her actions for just casually happening to be here in Brittany's apartment while she wasn't home. Yeah, she couldn't really think of one.

"So?" Sam regained his composure, remembering Brittany crying the day prior, because of the girl who stood in front of him. "Did you know Brittany didn't show up at the dinner last night because you upset her so much? All our friends came here to be with her and she didn't even see them because of you."

Santana felt irritation build up inside her but she tried to push it away because she still didn't really have a good excuse as to why she was here.  
However, Sam took Santana's silence as insolence and he began to turn red with anger. Santana looked at him, narrowing her eyes, not sure whether she should be amused or scared. She'd only seen him this red when she'd sung 'Trouty Mouth' to him, and when she'd come back for Brittany when she'd been with Sam. The thought made her soften a little bit. Sam must really care for Brittany.

"I was actually just leaving," she tried to say as casually as possible. She tried to push past him but Sam stood firmly in the doorway. "No Santana, not until you answer my two questions. How did you get in here, and why?"

She sighed. "Look, trou- Sam, I don't have time for this. Kurt and Rachel are expecting me at any moment," even though they probably weren't.

Sam frowned, his blue eyes hardening with annoyance. "You're the one who told Rachel that there was a ghost! Which there wasn't! I had to spend the night away from Brittany just to convince her that everything was fine. Who knew _the _Rachel Berry would freak out over paranormal things?"

"Actually Rachel's freaked out about paranormal stuff," Santana shrugged. "She made some specialist guy come in to make sure there wasn't any devils possessing our house. I'm pretty sure her fathers made her watch horror movies or something as a kid and it's scarred her for life."

Sam nodded, realising it made sense, when he suddenly remembered what he was talking about prior to Santana going off topic. "_Santana, _if I have to ask you again, I'm going to call the rest of the Glee club and make you answer to all of us."

Santana rolled her eyes because that was barely even a threat. What were they gonna do? Sing her to death? When she suddenly realised that if the rest of the Glee club came and she had to 'answer' to all of them, then whatever little thing her and Brittany had sprung up again, may disappear if they were both suddenly outed to a crowd.

"Fine," she huffed and Sam smiled in his dopey content way once he realised he was getting his way. "While you were off spending your night warding off potential ghosts, I was here with Brittany."

She watched as Sam's face went from expecting, to confused, to angry, back to confused, then after a few more switches, finally rested at confused.  
"What?"

"You heard me," she said, trying not to let her voice falter. "I spent the night with Brittany. I came back and apologised to her for upsetting her, because you're right, she doesn't deserve that, and maybe I didn't deserve her forgiveness after being a bitch, but she forgave me and I just spent the night because we needed to catch up on..stuff."

Though he wasn't terribly sharp, Sam caught on to the 'stuff' part where Santana had hesitated. "You guys did stuff," was all he said. His voice was flat and Santana wasn't sure what to say next.

She opened her mouth to say something, anything, to fill the void that was this very awkward silence but Sam waved her off. He looked kind of upset.  
"Look Santana, I know you must've missed Brittany, trust me, she missed you too. But I don't want you guys..falling back into old..habits just because you're both upset about what's going on."

* * *

**_I won't do what you told me. I won't do what you said. No, I'm not going to stop feeling. I'm not going to forget it._**

_"What the hell are you doing?" Santana snapped at Brittany. They were in the hallway and Brittany had her arms wrapped around Santana's neck. She was so close to Santana that everytime she inhaled, all she could smell was Brittany's vanilla scent._

_"Just hugging you," Brittany said surprised. She let go of Santana as fast as she had clung on. "What's wrong?"_

_Santana caught her breath as soon as she made sure that no-one else had noticed. "Nothing, it's nothing."_

_"I know it's not nothing," Brittany said quietly. "I'm not stu-"_  
_"I know, Britt," Santana knew how much Brittany hated the word stupid so she cut her off before she could say it. "I know you aren't," she said softer._

_"It's about the ad campaign that's airing tonight, right?" Brittany said, turning Santana around so she could face her instead. "And you haven't told your parents?"_  
_Santana nodded to both questions._  
_"Are you really going too?" she asked. "I guess if you want, you could just deny it, really."_  
_Santana looked up at Brittany and gave a small smile. Brittany smiled back at her and Santana really wanted to kiss her._

_"Nah," she said. "I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell them. They deserve to know the truth about me, from me."_  
_Brittany's smile widened slightly. "Hey Britt.." Santana whispered. Brittany tilted her head to the side allowing Santana to continue._  
_"I really want to hold your hand," she said softly to the other girl as the bell signalling the end of the day rang._

_"Well," Brittany said cheerfully. "Why don't you?"_  
_Santana bit her lip and looked around one last time at all the kids rushing out of the classrooms and pooling into the hallway._  
_Tomorrow everything would be different. Tomorrow there would be weird looks, tomorrow there would be rumours, whispers, people talking behind her back and calling her names, but when she looked into Brittany's beautiful blue eyes, she found herself not really caring._

_Brittany was beautiful. Brittany was what she wanted. And right now, though it might change later, she did not give one single fuck about anyone else. Brittany was who made her happy, who made her feel, well whole. She made her feel loved, and special, in only a way that a lover could._

_She held out her hand timidly. It was no longer holding pinkies. They were holding hands. Holding hands was romantic, and maybe people would guess before tomorrow came around._

_But still, Santana, as Santana continued to look at Brittany, she did not care._

_Brittany looked at it for a few seconds before she realised that Santana was not going to chicken out and withdraw it. She placed her own pale hand on top and felt Santana's fingers clasp around hers._

_"We're going to walk like this all through the hallway," Brittany told her as she turned both of them around. "We're going to walk like this out of the doors of McKinley High, down the street, down another street, and another, until we reach your house. Is that okay?"_

_"It's more than okay," Santana smiled warmly at her, and Brittany returned the look._

_And so they did. They walked down the hallway of their school holding hands, not caring if someone gave them a second glance or not, they walked out of the door, and down all the streets, holdings hands. They both remained silent the entire way, instead just basking in the warmth of each others grasp._

**I don't want to start over. I don't want to pretend that you are not my lover; that you're only my friend.**

_Santana looked up at the large white concrete house that she called home. "Guess I should be ready to be kicked out."  
"Santana don't say things like that," Brittany sighed. She didn't know what else she could do for Santana now. "Are really sure you don't want me to come in with you?"  
"Yeah," Santana nodded. "I don't know how my parents are going to react. I don't want you around to see it if things go bad."_

_"But then I can help you if it does," Brittany said, her eyes roaming over Santana's perfectly manicured front garden which had probably been done by her mum. Her own mum was too busy taking care of her and Lillian to worry about things like gardening.  
_  
_"I mean, just in case."_ _She chewed on her lower lip. She honestly didn't think Santana's parents would go ballistic, if she think they would've, she definitely wouldn't have let Santana do this on her own. But Santana's parents had always been nice and accommodating to her and she had never seen them mad._

_Santana gave their entangled hands a squeeze. "I'll be okay," she said in the most cheerful voice she could muster, though she was honestly considering turning around and running far far away from here, from Lima._

_She wanted to run away and hold Brittany's hand the entire time. She wanted them to be together in a place where no one would judge them, but right now she was going to have to suck this up. She wanted to tell her parents, because they were her parents and well, she loved them the most after Brittany._

_She looked at Brittany. Was it bad to love someone this much? Too love them to a point where you would just abandon everything for them? To be with them?_

_Brittany caught the doubtful look in Santana's eyes, and __wrapped her free hand around her and Santana's other hand, until Santana's hands were both in Brittany's grip._

_She leaned close to Santana and kissed her gently on the nose. "Santana, I want you to remember something."  
"Anything," Santana promised. She meant it.  
"If you get scared in there," Brittany gestured towards Santana's house. "And you feel like this isn't something you want to go through with.."  
"No, I do," Santana said firmly. "I said I love you, and I meant it. If this is something I have to do to prove it, then.."  
"Santana you don't have to prove anything," Brittany pushed a loose strand of Santana's hair back. "There's just a question I want you to ask yourself if you ever feel like you can't do this."  
Santana looked up at her questioningly._

_"Who do you want to make happy, Santana?" Brittany took a deep breath as she spoke. "Me? Or the rest of the world?"_

_Santana knew the answer. She knew that she had now encountered a fork in the road.  
One road led to Brittany.  
And the other led to conforming to what the rest of the world wanted her to be._

_Whatever happened after this, it was all on her._  
_She knew the answer, and she knew that Brittany also knew her answer, so she remained silent._  
_"I'll remember it," she promised. Brittany gave her hand a tight squeeze. "Thanks, Santana."_

_The two of them stayed like that for awhile. It was as if when Brittany left or Santana went inside, neither of them would see each other again._

_Santana lifted her and Brittany's arm up as she checked her watch. "Guess I better go. My parents will be home in an hour."_

_"Okay," Brittany said softly, and she let go of Santana's hand even though that was the last thing on Earth she wanted to do._  
_"Good luck."_

_"Thanks," Santana said and Brittany gave her a sweet smile as she descended down the driveway._

* * *

_**Cause when you took my heart, you took it all and when you gave it back, it fell apart.**_

_Everyone was sitting around their dining table, which was an eight seater even though only three people ever ate on it. But Santana knew why that was, it was just like their ridiculously large house. They really only needed two or three rooms, but they had six. She used to wonder why, but as she grew up she realised._

_It was all for appearances._

_Santana's mother would spend her days when she wasn't at work making sure their giant house looked perfect, as if the mayor or someone really important was going to visit that day. Santana's father would make sure that he always looked like the perfect husband when he wasn't at his shifts at the hospital, and it was both of their jobs to make sure that as Santana grew up, she grew up just the way they wanted her too._

_And luckily for them, she had. She was a fiery, strong-willed girl, but she had gotten that from her abuela, and her father, but at the same time she had grown up to be beautiful, popular with many friends and one best friend, part of the Cheerios, and though her grades could improve, they weren't terrible._

_Santana peeked at her parents over her food, wondering if what she was about to say would ruin their 'perfect' appearance. If they would rather they not have a daughter at all as opposed to having a gay one. But were things really all that different just because she liked girls?_

_Every time she forced herself to swallow a piece of food, she was prepared to tell them, but she couldn't. Fear was very deep in the girls heart and she found herself not wanting to break up this 'perfect' charade they had going on either._

_But her eyes drifted to the mantelpiece behind her mother, where her eyes fell on a mahogany picture frame of her and Brittany when they were slightly younger, with their arms around each other, grinning brightly into the camera because they had no idea what their future was going to be like._

_"Well, I'm excused," Santana's father said as he stood up. Santana's eyes fell on his empty place._  
_"Wait!" she exclaimed, and Santana's parents stared at her. She had been unusually quiet all dinner, usually she would tell them about her day (leaving out the bad things that she'd done) and they would feel closer to their daughter, but today had been different, and Santana's parents began to feel like something terrible had happened._

_"Santana? What is it?"_

_"I've done __something, I need to tell you, I, I-"_

_Santana's mother got up from her seat and rushed to her baby girl. "Sweetie what is it? What have you done?" she asked, feeling a panic rise inside her. Santana's father remained cool on the exterior although he was feeling his own panic build up._

_"That's the thing," Santana began to wail. Her father took her in his arms so that she could only look her mother in the eyes. "It's, it's, I, I-"_

_"Santana, honey, please calm down, it can't possibly be that bad," her mother said, wiping her tears away with a tissue. "If somethings happened we can fix it." Santana shook her head. "I, I-" she continued to stutter and she began to hate herself. Why couldn't she bring herself to say it?_

_She knew why. It would reaffirm everything that she had ever thought. It would make it so much more real if she told her parents. They were adults, they were worldly, and soon, everyone in the entire world would know. It made it real. She loved Brittany, she knew, but to tell her parents, for other people to know, it made it all seem so surreal. But she swallowed, and she thought of the conversation she had had with Brittany just before, and then she thought of Brittany. Brittany, who was everything good in the world._  
_Sweet, pure, (somewhat) innocent, loving Brittany. She took a deep breath.  
_  
_"I, I- I love her," she choked out. She willed herself not to cry in front of her parents, because that would be embarrassing, but she was starting to not be able to help it._

_Her mother tilted her head to the side and looked questioningly at Santana's father behind her._  
_"Santana, sweetie, what?" her mum's voice hadn't changed from the cooing tone she had used earlier, but Santana realised it was because her mother didn't understand._  
_"Brittany. Brittany, my best friend. I love her, I'm..in love with her, and the entire Ohio is going to find out about it!"_

_Santana felt her father release her from his grip and she felt fear shoot through her. Was he going to reject her? Throw her out of the house?_  
_She looked at him, terrified, and then suddenly relaxed when his expression remained complexed._

_"Santana, I don't understand," he said. "I mean, I understand what you're trying to say about..Brittany," he added awkwardly. "But what do you mean the whole of Ohio will know? What do they have to do with you?"_

_Santana dared to look at her mum, who still looked mildly confused. "Fi-..I..I was outed, at school, and some chick overheard and her uncle or dad or someone is running for congress and he's using my..sexuality to take Sue down."_

_It was quiet for awhile, until a loud roar from Santana's father interrupted the silence. He stood up, almost knocking Santana over.  
"This is bullshit!"  
Santana stared at him through wide eyes. "Not you, sweetie," he clarified, patting his daughter on the shoulder._

_"I'm going to stop this campaign running. This is ridiculous." Santana's mother tried to stop him as he bounded towards the door but he shrugged her off. "No-one is going to do this bullshit to our family," he roared, and Santana couldn't help feeling a little thrilled. Her father was a strictly no-swearing person, so to hear him swear, and so passionately, made her feel a little more relaxed._

_Her dad stopped at the front door and turned around to face his wife and daughter. "And, Santana, it's okay, you know. You don't have to cry, it's alright that you know, that you love Brittany."_

_And with that he left._

_Santana turned to face her mother, who was still awkwardly wiping the tears from Santana's face, as if if she pressed down on the wrong spot, Santana would bite her._

_"Mum?" she chewed down on her lower lip. "Are you okay?"_  
_Her mum was crying too but Santana wasn't sure if she wanted her daughter to comfort her, so she didn't. Instead she just sat there uncomfortably at the end of the couch._

_After a few painful minutes of silence, her mum eventually nodded. "Is this really what you want Santana? This thing you have with Brittany?"_

_"It's not a thing," she said, a small passion arising in her voice. "It's a relationship..maybe, if Brittany accepts."_

_Her mother stared at her for awhile and then she smiled a tiny smile. "Then that's okay, Santana. You know me and your father will support you with what you want, as long as Brittany is what you really want."_

* * *

"_To be with me? Is that what you really want?"_

_Santana took Brittany's hand in hers the way that Brittany had taken hers that day._

_"No matter how much we have failed to understand each other, I have never once considered abandoning the idea of 'us' and even if we don't aim for the same things, I always want to be there to support you with whatever you're trying to achieve."_

_She took a deep breath before she continued. "No matter how far away we live from each other in the future, I will always want to be in your life._

_Always._  
_I love you, no matter what, Brittany S Pierce. I love you now, and I loved you yesterday, I'll love you tomorrow and I'll love you in a hundred years time."_

_Brittany let out a soft laugh as she wiped her tears away. "A hundred years is a long time."_  
_"Forever's a long time," Santana responded. "But that's how much I'll love you."_

* * *

"Old habits?" she echoed. Sam nodded, still avoiding eye contact.  
Santana's didn't know what Sam meant by that, but Santana knew her own _'old habit' _was denying what she felt for Brittany, but not this time around.  
Bit by bit she was going to re-do everything, everything that they had shared, but this time she was going to do it properly.

"I, I- I love her," she choked out. She couldn't believe she'd said it out loud, but it was true. She wasn't ready to tell Brittany yet, she didn't want to scare her off, but she could tell Sam, right? He had been there for Brittany and once upon a time he'd been there for Santana too.  
She willed herself not to cry in front of Sam, because that would be embarrassing, but she was starting to not be able to help it.

Why was it that every time she tried to tell somebody that she was in love with Brittany, everyone seemed to be against her?  
"We all do, Santana, that's why we're here for her," he said gently.

Santana gritted her teeth. "I love her as more than a friend. She's _my _Brittany. _My _soulmate. _Mine_."

Sam grinded his jaw, knowing that Santana was about to get difficult. He briefly considered just letting her leave, but his gaze drifted past her and landed on a photo of him and Brittany that lay perched on one of the display cabinets. He had been there for Brittany when Santana was off living her life and doing whatever and he couldn't help but feel annoyed about how possessive Santana was. But he pushed his own feelings aside and considered Brittany, who was now living life with lung cancer, and he turned back to Santana. "Look, I understand where you're coming from, and I understand you regret what you did in the past, so do I at times, it's human nature. But Santana, Brittany's sick, if she wasn't, sure you could pursue her and maybe get back what you had, but she's going to get weaker and weaker and I don't know Santana, you're kind of like a fire ball rolling through the snow when you compare you and Brittany."

Santana's brow furrowed as she tried to make sense of what Sam had said. Her hands had rolled into a fist but she forced them to her side. "I can be there for her, I can comfort her, I can do what you do."

"I'm sure you could," Sam said levelly, looking at Santana's hands sadly. She was already reacting violently. "But maybe not now, okay?"

She stared at him, wondering what Sam was trying to say now. Did he want Santana to back off? She had felt like she had suddenly become close again to Brittany and now Sam was telling her no?

"No," she replied firmly, releasing her hands. She wasn't going to listen to what Sam said, she didn't care. She cared about Brittany, and Brittany wanted for her to be there, she was sure of it. She would ask her later and make sure of it, because she wanted Brittany to be happy. "Now get out of my way."

Sam shook his head sadly but did as she said, as she turned to leave she heard him say one last thing, "If you won't bend, then neither will I."

* * *

Santana slammed the door behind her for good measure, and decided to have a nice and thoughtful lunch by herself. When she was finished, she walked around the lobby of the apartment, silently ooh-ing and aah-ing over the cool facilities, then she returned back to her apartment where everybody else, except Brittany who had gone to her own room and Will and Emma, had gathered.

"How bad is it?" she heard a low whisper as she turned the knob. "I hope Britt will be o-"  
The voices stopped as she poked her head through the door. A few people looked at her wide-eyed, hoping she hadn't overhead their conversation, after all, this was Santana and they were just discussing Brittany..

It was Quinn that spoke first. "Santana!" she exclaimed, bouncing up off the ground and wrapping her arms around the Latina.  
"Heeey," she said only in the way that Santana could. She wrapped her free arm around Quinn's waist, pulling her closer, and used her other hand to drop her key on the cupboard next to the door.

Soon, everyone else had joined Quinn and Santana was pretty sure that she was suffocating.

"Okay, guys, seriously, off," she said, prying whoever else was clinging to her shirt off her. "Seriously guys."

"Santana we haven't seen you for like two years," Quinn said, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes. Santana winked at her subtlely and Quinn huffed.

"So what are you guys planning?" Santana asked, deciding the best route to go would be to pretend she hadn't overheard their conversation. Everyone was still looking at her as if they were dogs and she was a bone. She suddenly felt self-conscious.

"We're planning to go to the bar in the next town over," Rachel eventually spoke up. "With Sam..and Brittany."

"Were you planning to invite me?" Santana asked good-naturedly, trying to hide the sarcasm in her voice.

"Of course," Kurt said indignantly. "We were waiting for you to come home."

"So, Santana, how have you been?" Artie wheeled himself closer to her. She came and sat in their little circle and began.

"Well guys.."

* * *

As Santana had presumed earlier, Sam made no attempt to 'stop her' from going out with the rest of them, including Brittany. He did however, make sure that Brittany was sitting diagonally to Santana in a rather failed attempt to hide her, and he also made Mike sit on her other side despite Mike's protest to sit next to Tina, or rather, where Santana herself was sitting. He also made sure to give her dirty looks every time she tried to look over in their direction.

So far they had done three rounds of shots, and everyone was now just sipping random drinks. A waiter came past and _Rachel_ of all people, ordered more shots. "I wanna keep playing," she whined. "I'm good at this game."  
"The cards have had more of your drink than you have," Santana snapped at her, gesturing wildly to the pack of cards that had some kind of sticky liquid spilt on them. Rachel opened her mouth to respond but Tina covered it, giving her a sheepish look.

Santana dared to look over at Brittany again, who looked slightly uncomfortable being wedged in by Sam and Mike. She looked mildly disinterested in well..everything, but her lips had curved up into a smile when Santana had spoke.

Santana stared at her for a moment longer and felt a chill go down her back when Brittany caught her gaze. Her sweet smile suddenly turned into a smirk, and since Santana was more than slightly intoxicated, she began to feel really hot.

"I'm going to the to-toilet," she stammered, ripping her gaze away from Brittany's.  
"Too many shots already?" Quinn teased her as she slipped out of the booth. "Shut it, Fabray," she responded, giving her a light punch as she walked out. Quinn giggled.

_**Maybe you're not right for me. Maybe this is hard to see. I get lost in your beauty, and I just stop questioning.**_

Santana made her way across the dance floor and when she felt she was at a safe distance, she dared herself to look back.  
"Don't look back, keep going," a hot breath said against her ear. Normally Santana would have said some kind of retort if a stranger started talking to her on the dance floor, but she instantly recognised the voice, and the familiar scent, and knew it was no stranger. A smirk played over her lips as she headed into the disabled bathroom, leaving it unlocked, so that the girl behind her could follow her in.

_**You say it's easier to burn than to build.  
**__**You say it's easier to hurt than to heal.  
**__**But I say you lose when you give up what you love.**_

The two girls stared at each other in the dim bathroom light. "What if a disabled person wants to go toilet?" Brittany asked as she moved closer to Santana. Santana swallowed. "There are no disabled people here."

"Um, Artie?" Brittany said.

"Oh, well, he can wait," Santana said shrugging. "Because I want me some Britts."

* * *

"I have a bucket list," Brittany told Santana as she trailed kisses down her neck. "Oh yeah?" Santana asked, rocking her body closer to Brittany's as she spoke. "What's number one?"

"Number one is ah-number one is to spend as much time with you as I can."

"I like this bucket list," Santana said, tugging down on Brittany's sleeveless dress so she could free up more skin. "What's number two?"

"Number two is to get a job in New York so I'm closer to you," Brittany rasped as she felt Santana's tongue flicker around her collarbone.

"Sounds perfect," Santana murmured, and Brittany could feel her hot breath on her chest. Santana began to suck lightly and Brittany knew there would be reminders of their little escapade the next day in the form of a bruise.

"Number three is to move in with you," she continued and Santana smirked before she bit Brittany softly on the chest.  
"So we can do more of this?" Santana questioned. Brittany nodded, her lips parted.

**_And I've lived my life without you long enough._**

"Number four is to..ah, Santana not there," she moaned as Santana began to pull down her bra. Santana pouted. "Why not?" she questioned. "We're in a locked disabled bathroom and everyone outside is smashed."

Brittany nodded slowly. "Alright," she said. "But I want to do this first." She grabbed Santana's soft cheek in her hand and felt her lips meet Santana's. They kissed slowly for a minute and when she pulled away, she smiled at Santana's grin. Santana felt heat in her cheeks and she stumbled back into Brittany's grasp, fumbling around the other girls back and unzipping her dress.

"Number four is to get a puppy," she continued as Santana unbuckled her bra.

Santana paused, taking a step back. "Excuse you?" she blurted out laughing. "You want a puppy?"  
"Yes," Brittany pouted, crossing her arms over her chest, feeling her bra fall down. "Don't you want one?"

Santana held her face in her hands for a minute as she laughed, and then she quickly resumed what she was doing, drawing circles with her tongue on Brittany's breast. Both girls slipped down the wall onto the floor, and Santana hovered above Brittany, smirking at her.

"You're not getting a puppy," she murmured as she separated Brittany's legs with her knee. Brittany pouted, leaning forward to unzip Santana's dress. "I am," she breathed into Santana's ear, making her feel Brittany's hot breath on her cheek.

If Santana could have somehow been able to think straight before, she definitely couldn't now.

"What would Lord Tubbington think?" she said hoarsely and then let out a little moan as Brittany slipped Santana's dress over her head and began to place kisses on any bare piece of skin she could find.

"I don't think he'd-" she began as Santana began to head down lower.

Suddenly a loud noise startled them. _If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad todaaaaay._

Santana pulled back instantly and giggled into her hand. "You have such a corny ringtone," she teased Brittany. Brittany sat up, feeling annoyed, and it wasn't long until Santana forgot about the corny ringtone and felt irritated too.  
"Who's interrupting us now? So help if it's Mercedes again, because I will _ends-"  
_  
_Won't tell anybody how you turned my world around. I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound._

Brittany smirked back at Santana. "Talk about corny ringtones."  
Santana picked up her purse and threw it at Brittany in response after she'd taken out her phone.  
"What?" Brittany and Santana said into their phones at the same time. Brittany giggled and shielded her phone with her hand.  
"Rachel, what the fuck do you want?" Santana growled after she recognised the voice.  
"Sam, what's wrong?" Brittany asked, trying to clear her head. She was still very much high off of Santana.

Both of them hung up their phones at around the same time. Santana fixed her dress and then helped Brittany fix hers. She kissed the back of Brittany's neck softly.  
"What did Sam want?"  
"To know where I went," she shrugged. "I told him I ate something bad and I was in the bathroom. What'd you tell Rachel?"  
"I didn't actually tell her anything, except that the tequila shots here are better than the ones in our bar back in New York."

"Oh, Santana," she giggled. "Should we head back?"

"No," Santana pouted. "I want you."

"On a disabled bathroom floor?" Brittany raised an eyebrow. "What happened to class, Santana?"

"Psh, you were keen for it five minutes ago."

"I was," Brittany admitted, sticking her tongue out at Santana. "But we still have plenty of time, Santana, don't worry."

Santana looked up at her, wondering what that meant. Plenty of time as in the rest of the week? Because that didn't seem long at all. Or when they were going to visit each other? Because that didn't seem like it would happen too often with their busy schedules..

Or had she meant plenty of time as in the rest of their lives? Her life? Santana stared at her, trying to figure this one out without asking, and Brittany smiled at her as if she knew, but she said nothing as she walked out of the bathroom and back to the others.

* * *

AN: Poor Britt and Santana, interrupted again :(  
The title/song that plays over the chapter is I won't - Colbie Caillat  
If You're Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield is Brittany's ringtone, and Parachute - Cheryl Cole is Santana's :)


	10. you remain my most favourite thing

Santana's eyes fluttered open as a sudden burst of light sprung into the room. Her vision was blurry from waking up so early, and probably because she was about to have a killer hangover when she fully awoke.

She felt her cheek against something that was warm and smooth, but hard. She blinked a couple of times before her eyes managed to slightly adjust to the light, and she noticed that whatever she was lying against, was a pale shade of cream.  
"Ugh," she let out a groan as she tried to prop herself up on her elbows. Her head went heavy as she balanced herself.

"Mornin', Princess," a voice very close to her ear said, and she could hear the smirk in their tone. Santana slowly turned her head, which was a mistake, because thats where the light was coming from. She wrapped her hand around her eyes, trying to protect them from the terribly bright glare, and managed to make out a blur of pale skin and blonde hair.

She turned the other way, away from the light, and her eyes adjusted easily to the darkness. She was in that room in Sam's friends apartment, which meant that Rachel, Kurt and Blaine were in the next rooms over.

A panic quickly flew threw her. Why was she in bed with..?

Her eyes snapped back to the figure she was tangled up in bed with, her heart thumping loudly as she began to freak out.

"Wha-What, why are you here?" she whispered half-angrily, wishing that the room would stop spinning and her vision would clear up.  
"What did we do?"  
Why was Brittany in her bed? What if she'd taken her home last night from the club? She had been terribly drunk, and so had Brittany. Had the others been so drunk that they hadn't noticed? Or hadn't they cared?"

"You can't be here Brittany!" she continued. "Rachel, Kurt and Blaine are here too, they can't find out about us yet," she hissed, and suddenly the room started spinning slower and her vision became less foggy. There was something..off about Brittany but she couldn't put her finger on it. She rubbed her eyes at the same time that Brittany spoke.

"Whoa, relax, we didn't do anything," the voice said and Santana tilted her head slowly to the side. That voice wasn't Brittany's..that voice was ..

Quinn's?

"Quinn! What the fuck?!" Santana squealed, suddenly grabbing the covers and pulling them up to cover her body, which, as her vision fully cleared up, was actually clothed.  
Quinn smirked at her, clearly amused. "Relax, you're not even naked, and if you were, it's not like I haven't seen all of that before," her lips were curved in a very particular smile, and Santana didn't know whether she wanted to smack Quinn, or herself.

"We didn't do anything. You were too drunk to even move so I carried you to your bed, and you begged me to stay. And hey," she yawned. "Rooming with you is a _lot _better than rooming with Mike and Tina, trust me, they make look innocent on the outside but they ca-"

"Whoa, okay," Santana said, cutting her off. "Don't want to know about Tina and Mike's sex life."

Quinn laughed, looking around the room. "This is a nice place. You guys were lucky to be invited to stay here. Me, Tina and Mike are all rooming at this kinda weird motel a few streets away, it's definitely not as cosy as this."  
Santana shrugged, there were other places she wished she could stay, also, she was still stunned from before so she was still gaping at Quinn. "I guess. Smells weird in here, though."  
Quinn grinned, her tongue sticking out slightly between her teeth as she did so, as a silence passed between them. She then leaned over the bed and threw a pair of denim shorts at Santana.

"Come with me for a walk in the park across the street?" she asked, slipping out of bed. "We can have breakfast there too."  
Santana couldn't help running her eyes down Quinn's body. She was still as annoyingly perfect as before. She rolled her eyes.  
"No, why the fuck would I want to go for a walk in _nature _when I have the queen of hangovers?" she asked, grabbing Quinn's pillow and pulling it over her face so she could block Quinn out.

Quinn didn't reply, but instead, Santana could feel her throwing her clothes at her. "Because you should probably tell me why you thought I was Brittany before I ask someone else?" she asked teasingly and Santana tensed underneath the bedsheets. She lifted her head, throwing the pillow across the room in the process and stared dagger-eyed at Quinn.

"You wouldn't dare," she growled and Quinn's hazel eyes lit up cheekily. "Try me," she replied, slipping a pale blue dress over herself and throwing a pair of flats at Santana. Santana dashed out of the bed and Quinn's eyes widened, but her reaction time was a lot faster than Santana had expected and she bet her out the door. "Get dressed and put your shoes on!" Quinn called. "Better hurry or I'll-"

"Shut up!" Santana hissed, sticking her head out the door as she slipped off her white cotton shorts and slipped on the denim that Quinn had thrown at her. "You'll wake them up!"

"It'll be your problem not mine," Quinn sing-songed back and Santana made a mental note to throttle her later when no-one was around.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she grumbled as she slipped her flats on. God, she hated Quinn.  
Quinn unlocked the front door and stepped out, holding it after Santana. "After you, princess," she teased and Santana glared daggers at her. "Go fuck yourself," she replied irritated, wishing she had taken an aspirin before they'd left.

"Still polite as ever," Quinn's irritatingly happy tone hadn't died out. When Santana didn't reply she added. "My dorm at Yale is nothing like these apartments."

Santana raised an eyebrow at her, wondering why out of all the things in the world she could've said, she had said that. She shrugged. "Yeah, our apartment back in New York is no looker either," she slipped her black leather jacket around her shoulders.  
"At least it's in New York," Quinn turned back to look at her.

Santana looked at her questioningly because she wasn't sure what Quinn had exactly meant by that, but Quinn had already slipped into the elevator.

They headed to the park which was a good twenty minute walk. It sort of reminded Santana of a slightly smaller Central Park, with its lush trees, beautiful ponds and fresh green grass, but the place was mostly deserted. She checked her watch. Maybe it was because it was eight in the morning. Maybe the people here liked to sleep in. Maybe they were _normal._

Quinn walked up to a small stall and ordered two bagels while Santana stayed on the sidewalk, her arms crossed. She tapped her left foot until Quinn returned, handing her a bagel.

"Thanks, I guess," Santana muttered as she turned around and headed further into the park, wishing this little 'picnic' was over because she didn't want to face Quinn and her judgement. Maybe she could lie and say she was still drunk? She side-glanced Quinn, who was humming something. She had a little skip in her step, and Santana knew she wouldn't be fooled. Despite some bad choices, Quinn was obnoxiously smart.

"So, you and Brittany again, huh?" Quinn asked lightly. She really wanted to know what was going down between her previous best friends, but she also knew how defensive Santana used to be about the subject, so she decided to tread lightly on these troubled waters.

Santana frowned. She didn't want a repeat of what happened in high school. Telling people and then having it all blow up in her face.  
But this wasn't high school, so she shrugged in response and decided to man up.  
"Yeah, I guess," she tried to make her voice sound as casual as possible, but as Quinn raised an eyebrow, she didn't think she succeeded all too well.

"You guess?" Quinn echoed. "Why weren't you at her house yesterday morning when she..told everyone? Do you know?"

Santana smiled, but then it turned into a frown as Quinn mentioned Brittany telling everyone..that.

"I was at her house," she shrugged. "Long story, but yeah, I know. I know about her being sick."

"Do you know what it means for her?" Quinn asked, gently taking Santana's hand in her own. Santana glanced at her, surprisingly warmed by the gesture. She'd always kind of, well, like-liked Quinn, but those feelings had disappeared the moment she had met Brittany.  
They had kind of returned that night of the day that Mr. Schuester and Emma were supposed to be married, but they had gone again by the time she'd gotten to New York.

She sighed. "No, I don't. I honestly don't even think that she knows what it means for herself. To live with cancer, I don't think she knows." Santana swallowed the lump in her throat, because her words were true. She knew Brittany wasn't really acknowledging it. She could say it out loud, but it was like she didn't really know what it meant for her, or the people around her. One day it was going to hit her, and she was going to break.

Santana knew that somehow, she had to be there for her when it did.

"Yeah," Quinn said softly. "But what about you? How do you feel about it?"

Santana was surprised to say the least, to be asked that by someone. When she'd gotten home that night from Brittany's apartment, Sam had already called Kurt and told him that Santana had greatly upset Brittany, which resulted in a chiding from not just Kurt, but Blaine and Rachel too. Like, why did she have to be such a bitch to Brittany when she was in this kind of condition? How could Brittany tell her something so serious, only for Santana to blow up in her face?

Santana had just told them all to fuck off then she'd locked herself in her room.

She looked up and met Quinn's clear hazel eyes, which were a very bright green now that the sun was reflecting off them.

"Thanks," she said, her voice softer than it had ever been with Quinn. "For asking that."

Quinn looked mildly surprised but she shrugged it off. "It's just a normal question coming from a best friend," and Santana gave her hand a small squeeze because she appreciated that after all these years, Quinn could still call her a best friend.  
She missed the shit that the Unholy Trinity got up too. She really did.

The two of them talked for awhile. Santana started crying at one point so Quinn held her, and just listened. It was all she could do, listen. She wished she could help Brittany, or she wished she could help Santana cope with it better, but she could do neither, and she felt utterly helpless. Santana eventually moved on from talking about Brittany's sickness to their now unnamed relationship.

"I think you should just go for it, Santana," Quinn gave her hand a tight squeeze. "Life's too short to be pondering about these kinds of things. You love her, you always have, just give it a shot. She obviously still loves you too, so just go for it." Her smile widened and she let out a small laugh as she said, "Go get the girl!"

Santana blinked her slightly puffy eyes. She laughed as well and pushed Quinn away lightly, letting go of her hand. "I really missed you, Q," she smiled sweetly and gave Quinn a tight hug. Quinn rolled her eyes. "Get off me and go suffocate Brittany instead."

As she spoke, Santana was already prancing away. A little thrill ran up her as she nodded back at Quinn, who was getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

"I will!" she called back, waving.

* * *

"Are you going to cook another spread for breakfast like you did yesterday? Because if you are, I won't go and buy Maccas," Blaine said, leaning over Kurt as they lay in the double bed that wasn't theirs.  
"Blaine, we're meeting everyone in the apartment restaurant," Kurt sighed as he scolded him for forgetting. "You should remember this from last night. Do you remember anything?"

"I remember kissing you," Blaine replied, leaning over Kurt, his lips slightly puckered.

"Not now," Kurt said, pushing Blaine off of him and slipping out of bed. "We should wake up Rachel and Santana. And didn't Quinn stay here last night as well? They won't wake up if we don't wake them up."

Blaine frowned at him. "Wow thanks for the rejection," he muttered sarcastically. Kurt turned around and gave him a light smile. "Later," he said. "I promise."

"Fine," Blaine sighed, slipping on a pair of jeans. "Fine."

Fully dressed, Kurt walked down into the hall. He passed Santana's room first. The door was wide open, and the bedsheets were all over the place, and so were their pyjamas. There was no sign of the two girls anywhere. Kurt sighed. If they'd gone for breakfast, they could have at least invited the rest of them down with them. He walked further down the hall to Rachel's room, and knocked gently on the closed door.

"Rachel?" he said softly in case she was just waking up. He checked the time. Eight o'clock. "Rachel Berry?"

There was no reply so he knocked again. "Rach?"

He slowly turned the knob and pushed open the door. The blinds were open and the bright sun was shining through them, illuminating the perfectly clean room. The bed had already been made, and a small folded pile of clothes suggested that Rachel had left already.

Kurt retreated out of the room and headed to the loungeroom, where Blaine was sitting on the couch and tying his shoelaces. He kissed him on the forehead. "Rachel's not in her room. Any idea where she could have gone?"  
Blaine shrugged. "She might be out with Quinn and Santana, though I think if they bothered to wake Rachel they might have bothered to wake us up as well."

Kurt hmm-ed. "I hope she's okay."  
"Don't put too much thought into it," Blaine said, switching shoelaces. "Just text her or something. She's a grown woman, after all."

* * *

_"Well, when I first joined I thought you were kinda insane. You talked a lot more than you should and to be honest with you, I looked under the bed and made sure that you weren't hanging out under there."_

Rachel sat on a painted green bench, staring at the playground, where a mother and a father played with their young daughter and son on the swings. She felt like a tight hand was inside her, gripping and stretching out her stomach as she watched them.

She ran her hand down her thigh, her fingernails digging into her skin.  
Today was the anniversary of the day he had first told her that he loved her. The others didn't know that of course, and she wasn't going to bring it up. Nobody was over Finn's death, and it was an unspoken rule that you tried not to mention him unless you were having trouble coping with it, otherwise, it was a subject considered almost taboo. She ran her hand down her thigh, her fingernails digging into her skin.

_Finn._

She looked back to the happy family. She had always imagined her future life to be something like that. To be a mother, Finn a father, to their perfect young children. It was what she had secretly planned after she had lived out her Broadway dreams. She would come back to Lima, to Finn, and she would start a family. Probably not in Lima, because New York was a more suitable option, she loved the big city, but all that would play out eventually. First things first, she would have to go back for Finn.

_Rachel and Finn._

Their names had always sounded good together. It reminded her of the time that they had been together, all the obstacles, which they had overcome not only with their love, but with their friendship. Their relationship, no matter what kind, it had always been so consistent since the day they had met. They fought with words, nail, tooth claw, but they had always cared about each other.

Rachel knew back then that no matter what she achieved in New York, what Finn did in Lima; they would be together at the very end. No matter what happened to them as separate people, whatever they sacrificed, it would be worth it in the long run because they would end up together.

That's what mattered most to both of them; ending up together. The sacrifices, no matter how little or bag, they were all worth it. Worth it because they would be there together. The sacrifices would be better than losing the other person.

Anything would be better than losing the other person.

But death prevented that, preventing the life they had always dream of. Death was a harsh reality. What was Rachel supposed to have done when her entire world was suddenly flipped around? She had to turn around, she had to turn so far around, and find a new direction, find a new goal.

But she hadn't, and she still hadn't, even after these few years. She'd finished a degree at NYADA, but she didn't know what else to do so she was prolonging her time there, starting a second degree even though she didn't need it. She'd been on Broadway, in big roles, and in small, and she had gained enough popularity to have her own fan pages. But it didn't seem like enough.  
She didn't feel complete; there was something missing.

_"But then I heard you sing, and I don't know how to say this, but, it touched something in me. Right here."_

The words 'moving on' were always present in Rachel's mind. Rationally, she knew it was what she needed to do, what she had to do, because she had to face reality, he wasn't coming back for her.  
She knew she could find someone who would love her unconditionally, uncontrollably.  
Someone who would do everything she asked them to do. But she knew that wasn't fair for that person if they had happened to come along into her life right now, because she couldn't love them like she loved Finn.

_"You really are awesome. I'm going to make it up to you one day, I swear."_

She remembered the phone call. She remembered how the breath had just been sucked out of her body when she realised that this wasn't a joke, that it was real. That she was now without her significant other, and there was no way to ever get him back. All the thoughts that flew into her head were her remembering his touch, the way he kissed, the way he snuggled into her and the way she had to push him off her. And how no matter what she did, she could never get it back.

___"You're a real star, and you need to shine."_

When Rachel blinked, it was like she was in a different place. Everything seemed dark, and all that she could see was a footpath that didn't seem to lead anywhere. There were two figures on the path. A boy and a girl.  
It was like a past Rachel and Finn were walking right in front of her. She tried reaching for them, for Finn, but he slipped out of her grasp. He was untouchable.

___"I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I just know that I want to spend more time with you_ now."

Rachel watched the two figures walk further into the distance. The man suddenly began to blur, he blurred so much that when Rachel blinked again, he had become a girl.

The two figures, now both girls, walked down the track, hand in hand. One was stronger than the other, it was easy to tell. She seemed to be so vibrant, and her stride was steady and confident. She was the glowing picture of health as she flounced away.

The other girl, the blonde one, she was weaker, and not just weaker compared to the other girl, she was weak in the way that she walked. She walked unsteady on her feet, like a newborn foal. Her legs seemed like jell-o as she toddled on behind the other girl. Her hand, which settled firmly in the other girls hand, seemed to be the only thing holding her up. They continued walking, walking, and walking, until suddenly the blonde girls grasp began to slip. The other girl was letting her go.

'Stop!' Rachel wanted to scream. 'Please stop you're leaving her behind!' but she couldn't talk, she couldn't say anything. She was trapped in this fantasy that she had conjured up, and now she wanted nothing more but to leave.

But the blonde girl slipped out of the other girls grasp, and now she was on the ground. Helpless, useless. She had no strength to move.

Her body had betrayed her.

And the other girl, the stronger one. She kept walking, she left the other girl behind. Rachel tried calling out again but still, there was no sound.

A bird whistled and Rachel snapped out of it. The playground replaced her view of the endless path and she sighed in relief. A drop of salty water fell onto her thigh, and she didn't flinch even when the cold texture hit her bare skin. She wiped it off with the edge of her sleeve as she sighed. Santana and Brittany, that's who she saw. Santana, the forever strong one, and Brittany, who once had been so graceful and moved fluidly with no effort, she was sick. Deteriorating. Maybe not now, but one day. It was fruitless.

Rachel didn't want Santana to feel this way. To long for Brittany the way she longed for Finn.  
She didn't want Santana to feel the way she did. She knew something was happening once again between them. Santana and Brittany had always had a spark, a spark that would never go away, and now it was igniting into flames once again. But what was she supposed to do as Santana's friend? What was her rights? Where was her boundaries, what was considered her business?

She looked up at the clear blue sky, thanking god that it was a beautiful sunny day. She would spend the rest of it with her friends, but this entire morning would be hers. She would use this beautiful morning and she would have it all to herself.

"Please," she whispered as her eyes scanned the cloudless landscape. "I know you and Santana had your..differences, but please, look after Brittany, for Santana, please."

___"People just don't like me."_  
_"I like you."_

"One more thing," her hand grasped her necklace tightly. "I love you, Finn."

**You remain my most favourite thing, and everywhere I go I keep you with me.**

* * *

"Brittany, come downstairs and eat breakfast with everyone," Sam begged, basically trying to drag Brittany out by her elbow.  
"No," she whined. "You're going to screw up my _Fondue for Two _schedule. This weeks episode is 'The Wednesday morning of a drug lord.'"  
Sam gave her an exasperated look. "You don't know any drug lords!" he exclaimed. "Also all these people came down from wherever to be with you."

"Um, _Lord Tubbington?_" Brittany said as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. "We also said we'd catch up in the evening though and go to karaoke or something. Didn't Rachel say that? I need to stay home and do this today or my schedule is going to-"

"Fine, fine, _fine," _Sam said hastily, cutting Brittany off. He knew from Brittany's tone that she wasn't going to stop until she had her way, so he decided to stop the conversation. "You have to come out this evening though, no matter what."

"Yeah, of course," Brittany waved her hand. "Didn't I already say that?"

Sam gave her a sheepish smile as she slipped on his last shoe. "I'll be downstairs at the breakfast buffet if you need me, okay? Just a phone call or a quick stroll away."

Brittany made a pained face as she sighed. "Sa-_am."_

Sam opened the door and stepped out when he suddenly remembered something. He hung onto the edge of the door.  
"Hey, Santana didn't say anything to you last night did she?"

Brittany frowned. "No she barely talked to me. But like, she said hi and stuff, so she wasn't rude, if that's what you meant?"

Sam shook his head, his blonde hair flopping around. "Did you talk to her before last night?"

Brittany stuck out her lower lip, she didn't particularly like lying but she didn't want to tell Sam the truth either. "Well yeah when you sent her to talk to me. You should know that."

"I mean after that?"

Brittany swallowed. "Well then yeah, last night, when she said hi and stuff?"

Sam sighed placing his finger on the bridge of his nose, pinching his skin. "I meant in between those times. Like around when everyone came over to the apartment for breakfast."

Brittany crinkled her eyes, pretending to be deep in thought, when suddenly Sam sighed. "Never mind I'm going."

"Okay!" she said lightly and waved at him, hoping that she didn't look too keen to be rid of him. He raised an eyebrow at her before he disappeared and the door slammed shut.

Brittany sighed in relief and then turned to Lord Tubbington, who was sleeping next to her.  
"Time to shine," she sing-songed, picking up the tiny video camera from her lap and slipping it over his head. He meowed in protest, but he didn't move. She switched the on button on the back of it and then opened up her laptop.

The camera reacted to the laptop being switched on, and the laptop alerted her with the message 'Connection Established' at the same time the screen turned into whatever the video camera was recording, which, at the moment, was the floor of her loungeroom as Lord Tubbington hung slightly off the couch, staring at the floor.

She beamed, and suddenly turned on the camera that was facing both of them in front of her.

_"Welcome to Fondue for Two!"_

* * *

_(After Breakfast)  
_  
"I think I ate too much," Blaine groaned as Kurt hoisted him into their apartment.  
"You were eating like you hadn't seen food in weeks," Kurt agreed. "You ate more than Sam this time. Do you want to watch a movie or something then? We have Brittany's laptop. We can see what movies she has."

"Yeah," Blaine said. "I hope she has the Lion King, I really feel like watching that right now."

I'm so full," Blaine groaned, slumping over the black leather couch in the lounge room. Kurt frowned at him, taking out the laptop from his room and setting it up on the coffee table in front of them.  
He switched it on and found the folder marked 'MOVIES.'  
"She doesn't have the Lion King," Kurt said, surprised. "Damn," Blaine sighed, slumping over. "I thought she would've."

"Same," Kurt said, scrolling through the movies. "So what else do you want to watch?"  
"Nothing," Blaine sighed. "I'm still really full."  
"Maybe you shouldn't stuff yourself full of food next time," he said in a faux-scolding tone. Blaine stuck his tongue out in reply.

He ran his lips over Blaine's lips. "I'm full," Blaine grinned. "But I think I can fit you in," he winked at Kurt, who blushed.  
"Come here, loser."

* * *

Quinn felt ridiculously happy today. She had loved waking up in an apartment like that, and with her old best friend too. At Yale she had had one roommate for the entire time she'd been there. Katherine had been great, but she had also been kind of shut off. Sometimes Quinn found it hard to have a good time with her because it seemed like they were both on much different wavelengths, but that didn't matter, Katherine had been nice, and regardless, she was a month or two from graduating.

She sighed, basking in the warm sun. She hoped that she would get a tan, because she had paled so much after spending so much time in the study hall or the library. She missed the vibrance her skin used to have. Well, all that would change when she ventured out in the real world soon. She skipped lightly along the path back to the apartment, smiling at every single small child or dog that crossed her path. She waved at the old people and they waved back. She took in every single colour of all the flowers that she passed, when she suddenly noticed that she must have taken a wrong turn and now she was slightly lost.

She didn't panic, after all, it was just a park, and there were heaps of people here, but she also felt slightly stupid for not noticing where she was going. She turned around, and decided to head right instead of left. Either way, she'd end up on some kind of street if she just kept walking, and it would be easier to find her way back to the motel that way.

She walked along the path, which was more deserted than the ones she had walked through before. She spotted a playground in the distance with a couple of kids playing on it and continued to walk up that way. There were green benches that lined the path, and also some that were placed randomly in the middle of the grass. She looked at them curiously, when she suddenly noticed a figure in the distance that looked familiar.

She walked over to them slowly. "Rachel?" she said questioningly. The brunette's fringe covered her eyes and she was looking down at her hands. Her legs were crossed over each other, not so much in a feminine way as much as it was as if she were trying to look at small and non-existent as possible.

The brunette shifted slightly at the sound of the familiar voice. "Hi," she said meekly. "I'd like to be left alone, if you don't mind, Quinn."

Quinn couldn't help smiling just a little. Rachel had always been blunt.

"What are you doing here?" and Quinn had never been one to follow orders from other people.

"I'd like to be left alone," Rachel repeated. "I'm not doing any harm, I'm just thinking."

Quinn sat down next to her, surprised when Rachel actually flinched as her skin brushed against the other girl.  
"About?" Quinn pressed.

Rachel didn't answer and the two of them sat in silence. Rachel was shivering even though Quinn was wearing nothing but a cotton linen dress, and even then she still felt slightly hot. Quinn turned to look at the other girl and realised that Rachel wasn't shivering because she was cold, she was shaking because she was crying.

"Hey," Quinn said, wrapping her arm around Rachel's back. "Talk to me, honey."

Rachel shook her head stubbornly and Quinn wished that she was like Santana, who had just let everything out this morning. It was better that way, after all, Santana had been much better when she'd left for Brittany.

"Please, sweetie?" she pressed. Rachel shook her head again but now she was making audible sounds. It was kind of like a cross between a whimper and a wail and Quinn knew she was going to burst.

"Come here, sweetie," Quinn full wrapped her arms around Rachel, and Rachel fell into her lap.

"Thank you, Quinn," even when she was about to burst into tears Rachel was still polite. Quinn just nodded.  
"It's about Finn, isn't it?" her voice seemed to echo through the park when she said his name. It was also the breaking point for Rachel, who let out one long single wail and then let the tears flow. She was talking but Quinn had kind of fazed out, thinking of the loveable quarterback herself. She shook her head and looked down at Rachel as she spoke.

"It's been so long, but it's still so hard," Rachel blubbered into her lap. Quinn stroked her dark hair back, wondering how she had ever hated Rachel. "I know, it's always hard," Quinn whispered back. A couple strolled by and looked at them, but then they continued on their business. Quinn wondered how strange they looked, but she didn't care.

"I don't want anything to happen to Brittany. I don't want Santana to feel like this."

Quinn bit her lip. She had just encouraged Santana to go for it. Had she been wrong? What if Santana were to lose Brittany not just as a friend, but as a girlfriend or a wife in the future?

"It'll be alright, sweetie," she said soothingly, though she wondered if Rachel could detect the lie in her voice. "It'll be alright."

* * *

_Bang, bang, bang._

Brittany looked up from the laptop. "Who is it?" she called. "You're interrupting my Fondue for Two segment!"  
"Sorry," the voice called from the other side of the door. "It's Santana."  
Brittany's face suddenly lit up brighter than the sun and she pressed the pause button on her recording. She turned Lord Tubbington the other way too, just so the camera couldn't see what was happening either.

Brittany skipped the entire way to the door and when she saw Santana's face, she beamed at the other girl and pulled her in for a surprise hug. At first, Santana tensed, but then she snaked her arms around Brittany's waist and squeezed her back.  
"Hey," she said softly, blowing a few loose strands out of her face.  
"Hey!" Brittany replied. "Come in! I was just doing a Fondue for Two segment."

Santana nodded, not wanting to admit that she occasionally went on Youtube and watched the rather strange web show.

Brittany turned to walk back to the couch but Santana suddenly grabbed her hand. Brittany turned in surprise.

"I need to talk to you," Santana hesitated. Brittany nodded, suddenly feeling scared. She slammed her laptop shut, cutting off the connection to both cameras. She picked up Lord Tubbington and placed him on the floor. He gave her an annoyed look as he slowly walked away, and Brittany patted the spot next to her. Santana sat down.

"Is it bad?" Brittany was worried now. Santana looked so anxious. What was she going to say?  
Santana managed a half-smile. "No, not really, I guess." She was unsure. It really depended on what Brittany said which would determine whether this conversation would be labelled good or bad.

Santana looked up at Brittany, ready to tell her, ready to ask her, but when she met Brittany's blue eyes, which for some reason were slightly darker than normal. She tilted her head slightly and looked at Brittany questioningly, but the longer she stared at Brittany, the more desire filled her. She leaned forward and met Brittany's lips, which were ready for her. She slid her hand around Brittany's waist, and moved her body forward, pinning Brittany down on the couch.

**All the things I used to be afraid of, suddenly it all just disappears.**

"It's off, right? The camera?" Santana whispered as her tongue flickered up to Brittany's ear. Brittany squirmed underneath her, giggling at the sensation.  
"Yes," she said. "My laptops shut, so the connection will have cut off."  
"You better be sure," Santana said, slipping her hands under Brittany's shirt and running her finger across her abs. "I don't want anyone else seeing what I'm about to see."

"Wait a minute," Brittany perched herself up and Santana shifted slightly so that she could, though she remained on top of her.  
"What's wrong?" Santana asked.

"You said you came here to talk to me about something," Brittany said, suddenly remembering. "Well, what was it?"

"I can say it later," Santana replied, irritated that she had mentioned it because now it was interrupting her make-out sesh.

"No, now," Brittany said, pushing Santana's chest away lightly as Santana attempted to cover Brittany with herself. "Now, Santana."

"Fine," Santana said. "But I'm not moving."

Brittany's hands snaked around the bottom of Santana's waist and she nuzzled her nose. "I don't want you too," she replied, hugging Santana closer to herself. "I like where you are right now just fine."

"Alright," Santana relaxed. She used her elbows to hover above Brittany and to keep her balance.  
"What's going to happen to us when I go back to New York in a couple of days? Like, what are we even doing now? Is it a one-week thing or are we.." Santana trailed off, trying to find the right words to say but failing. After all, what kind of words described the way she felt? 'I want to spend my life with you forever' sounded really sappy, kind of stupid, and also seemed like she was forcing Brittany to choose nobody but Santana her entire life. However, it did sum up the way she felt perfectly.

"I'm happy, when I'm with you," Brittany replied, her blue eyes pooling with confusion as she got lost in her thoughts. She didn't particularly know what to say either. She hadn't thought about Santana eventually returning back to her home. She didn't want to think about it so she hadn't. She was good at blocking things out.

"Me too," Santana whispered. "I mean, it seems I'm happiest when I'm with you."  
Brittany smiled, though it faltered as she spoke. "How long do you think you'll feel like that?"

Santana cast her eyes downward. Should she answer it honestly?

"Honestly?" she questioned. Brittany nodded. "I honestly think, maybe, just maybe the rest of my life."

Brittany smiled. It wasn't just with her lips, it was with her whole face. Her eyes crinkled up and her cheeks moved upward with her lips. Her ears pinned back slightly and Santana smoothed Brittany's blonde hair behind her ears.

"But," Santana added. "We have different lives, so I can't guarantee anything, Brittany. I'm just being honest here. We have our whole lives ahead of us. We have the rest of university, our jobs. Our lives are so different, I can't guarantee that something won't pull us apart again. Distance has done it before."

"I understand," Brittany said softly. "You don't know it'll happen again."

"Honestly, Brittany, there are more things that can pull us apart than there are things that'll keep us together."

"You don't know that," Brittany repeated.

"What I'm trying to say is that even though I lo-, have these feelings for you, I can't determine what's going to happen in the future."

"I know that," Brittany said. "But still, we can try right?"

Santana nodded. "Of course, I-, you're Brittany, and I'm Santana, and we were good together once."

"We'll be good together again," Brittany said confidently. "I can feel it in my loins."

Santana laughed softly. "I just want to say, that even if we don't work out after this week," she intertwined her fingers with Brittany's and held their hands to her chest. "I'm glad that you were my first, for like everything. I really am. I never got a chance to tell you before. And if you end up marrying someone else, I hope you'll still think of me once in awhile."

Brittany stuck out her lower lip. "You'll be with me."

"What will your spouse think of that?" Santana frowned right back at her jokingly.  
Brittany lifted her leg slightly, nudging Santana. "Don't be stupid."

"I'm not, just realistic," Santana sighed.  
Brittany scrunched up her nose, and tapped Santana with her spare hand. "I'm going to try my hardest to make this work. I don't want to lose you again, not to the University of Louisville, not to New York."

Santana felt a warmth inside her. "I'm going to try my hardest too, I promise."

"You're my most favourite person," Brittany smiled at her earnestly. Santana chuckled as she bent her neck to kiss Brittany. "I'm ready to say it again."

"Say what?"

_"_I love you, Brittany. I always have."  
Brittany smiled into her kiss. "I love you too, Santana. I really do."

**You remain my most favourite thing and all the time I keep you with me.**

* * *

Blaine smiled into Kurt's kiss as he began to undo the buttons on Kurt's shirt. "Rachel's out by herself, I don't know why, and Santana's out with Quinn," he whispered. "We have the apartment to ourselves."

Kurt grinned back at him and rolled him over until he was on top, straddling Blaine's waist. Blaine leaned up against him using his elbows and Kurt fumbled to get Blaine's shirt off, and once he had, he discarded it on the floor before going in for another kiss.

The laptop, which was still perched on the coffee table suddenly beeped loudly, causing Kurt to spring off Blaine as if he had been shot. The two of them glanced at each other and Kurt curiously picked up the laptop and held it on his lap. Blaine crawled up next to him and they looked at the computer.

A black screen had come up, with a message that read 'Main connection corrupted. Play stream here?'  
"What does that even mean?" Blaine asked. Kurt shrugged. "Must be some MIT stuff," he said. "Their IT programs must be crazy."

"Should we click yes?" Blaine asked, curiosity getting the better of him. Kurt shot him a look. "Seriously, this computer interrupted us doing _that _and you want to see what it wants?"

"Well," Blaine said. "Actually yes, to be honest." When Kurt shot him a look, Blaine quickly said, "I just want to know what Brittany's doing, like, the entire time I've known her she's always been kind of..not really there, so to see her working some cool computer programs is kind of like, I don't know.." he trailed off.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Fine," he sighed, and clicked 'yes.' "If it's porn, it's your fault."  
Blaine stuck out his tongue again and looked at the screen curiously.  
Suddenly the black screen changed to a view of two people on a maroon couch. Blaine and Kurt stared at it for a few seconds until their brains managed to put together what they were viewing.

Kurt shrieked and jolted the laptop upwards. Blaine caught it. "It was porn! Oh my god!" Kurt squealed.  
"I can't believe I clicked 'yes' to a random message, oh my god, I feel so dirty."

Blaine frowned at him and looked at the screen again. Something about it was familiar. Also the computer wanted to know if they had wanted a _stream _to play, a _stream, _not a video. Which meant that whatever was going on on the screen, was happening right now, in real life.  
At first he wondered if Brittany had turned into a complete nutjob and had put a camera or something in someone else's room and was spying on them, as after all, both her and Sam were single so it couldn't be them.

Actually..

Blaine squinted at the screen, catching a glimpse of blonde hair. He watched it for a few seconds whilst Kurt stared at him with a horrific look on his face. "Turn it off," Kurt clutched his face dramatically. "Why are you watching _it?"_

"Because it's not porn..yet," Blaine couldn't help it, he kept watching. Not for dirty reasons, of course, but because he was trying to figure out if what he was seeing was actually happening.

He recognised the maroon leather couch. He recognised the large fireplace in front of it. He recognised the cream-coloured walls and the giant photo frame that hung on it. He had only been there yesterday, after all.

Kurt frowned, inching closer to Blaine. He peeked through his fingers as he looked at the screen again, trying to figure out why Blaine was smiling in some kind of devious way. He stared for a few seconds before his brain made the same connection that Blaine's had.

"No effing way," Kurt clamped his hand over his mouth. "Santana..No way. Geezus."

"Yup," Blaine said. The two of them turned to look at each other, and then back at the two girls who were perched on each other on Brittany's couch.

* * *

AN: Song for this chapter is Favourite Thing - Yuna :)  
I decided to dedicate this chapter to some of the other characters too, not just Brittany and Santana because I'd like to think that everyone ended up doing what they wanted too because I'm a sucker for happy endings. Also, after that tribute episode I wanted to focus on Rachel for a little bit :(

This chapter was also supposed to be slightly longer but I thought it would be too much so I moved the end to the next chapter :)

And sorry for the delay in this chapter! It's going to take longer for me up to update for the next month and a bit because my exam period is fast approaching :( and me being me also wants to go through the last few chapters I've posted and correct all the grammar and things, so yeah!  
But much love for all those that are reading this and continue to read all the updates! You guys rock :D Please review!


	11. call it coincidence, call it fate

Santana pressed her hips against Brittany's, hard, and smirked when Brittany's back arched up towards her, begging her to go further. She dove in to meet Brittany's lips, but she noticed a large grey shape out of the corner of her eye. She stopped a few inches above Brittany's lips and Brittany opened her eyes, looking at the other girl questioningly.

She twisted her gaze to see where Santana was looking, and she noticed that perched perfectly on the rug, was Lord Tubbington, and he was staring directly at both of them.

"You cat is watching us. That's so fucking weird," Santana said, lifting herself of off Brittany as if the cat were judging her for what she was doing to his mistress.  
Brittany pouted as Santana's weight lifted off of her, conducting the finale of their make-out sesh. "He doesn't know what's going on," she whined in response as Santana sat down next to her instead.

"It's weird though," she replied, still staring hard at the cat and his beady eyes. "Can't you lock him in another roo- what's that on his head?"

Brittany glanced at Santana, then at Lord Tubbington. "Oh, it's a video camera," she said nonchalantly. "I was videoing him because my segment is abou-"

"It's off, right?" Santana's voice shifted in tone. "This wasn't filmed for your talk show, right?"

Brittany straightened herself up on the couch. "No, of course not!" she exclaimed, and she would have been offended if she was not slightly scared about Santana's tone. "It's off, I swear. I wouldn't do that to you.

"Alright," Santana said, her tone shifting back to normal. She turned back to Brittany, a smirk creeping across her face. Brittany sighed in relief. "It's only connected to _my _laptops," she added in an attempt to put Santana's mind completely at ease.

Santana smiled and nodded, noticing Brittany's shut laptop on the coffee table, when she suddenly noticed Brittany's choice of words.  
"Wait, _laptops?" _she echoed. "What do you mean, laptops? There's more than one?"

"Calm down," Brittany said casually. "It was only connected to this laptop and the other laptop that I don't use which is in my cupboard...actually wait."

"Actually wait what?" Santana clambered off Brittany once again and looked at her. "Where's the other laptop? Brittany?"

She looked at Santana, trying to keep her poker face on for as long as possible so Santana's panic would be delayed.  
"Well," she said really slowly. "I may have given it to Kurt and Blaine.."

Santana shrieked, leaping to her feet. "Brittany? Why? What if they were watching us do that? Oh my god! They don't even know about us now. What if they were-"

It seemed irrational now to be angry at Brittany if this ended up being how the others found out. It seemed silly, even, because what were they hiding? The big obstacle, Santana coming out, had been conquered years ago, but for some reason, the thought of others finding out about them again, it made the insides of her stomach curl and she felt sick, just like she had back then. She felt like she was always hiding something and she didn't know why. She wasn't ashamed to be with Brittany, she never had.

But she felt selfish, just like she had when they were sixteen. She felt like she was co-ercing the somewhat naive Brittany into something that she otherwise wouldn't have done. Had Brittany even been with another girl after Santana? What if Brittany was actually straight and she was just an anamoly in Brittany's life? What if she always had been?

"Please calm down," Brittany pleaded, grabbing Santana's wrist. She saw the flurry of panic that flashed into Santana's eyes when Brittany's mistake suddenly dawned on her, and although she didn't know exactly what was running through Santana's mind, she knew it wasn't good.

Santana tried to pull away but Brittany's grip was too tight. Instead, Brittany pulled her back down next to her and grabbed her shoulders. She faced Santana so that Santana was looking into her crystal blue eyes, but Santana looked away, ashamed.

"The chances of them using my laptop right now are really low. The Glee Club was chilling downstairs for breakfast. Okay? Nobody saw anything. Relax. Also I don't really see what's the big deal if we're dating again, Santana.." she trailed off, giving Santana a look.

Santana finally met her gaze and it suddenly clicked inside of her as to why she was scared of everyone finding out about them this time around. It was because she felt like she was in a dream. Being here, with Brittany, with them being in love with each other again, it all seemed too surreal. Too unrealistic. How had she managed to suddenly become so lucky after years pondering after the blonde girl she had left behind? Why had Brittany taken her back so easily?

But the questions about Brittany would be answered in due time. It was the others she was worried about. She was still self-conscious, she still cared greatly about what other people thought, and she knew that if everyone else knew about it and they didn't like it, then maybe Brittany would see what they were on about and she too, would realise that going back to Santana would be a big mistake.

Then Santana would lose her, and she didn't know if she could take Brittany leaving her.

"It's a big deal because everyone is here for you!" Santana suddenly blurted out. She felt tears spring into her eyes once again but she couldn't help it. She had been so happy before, everything was so blissful when she was with Brittany. But how long would that last?  
"Everyone is here for you," she repeated. "But you're spending all your time with me. If they find out about us, they're going to tell you that this isn't a good idea..and you're going to agree with them and I'm going to lose you."

Brittany took Santana's hand in her own, clenching her fingers around Santana's skin tightly so that she couldn't leave.  
"Santana," she said softly, and Santana felt herself relax slightly. Only Brittany's words could do that.

"You're not going to lose me," she said patiently. "I'm choosing to spend my time with you. This is a two way thing, Santana."

"I-"

Brittany was right. It had always been a two way thing. She had been in love with Brittany and Brittany had been in love with her.  
She felt her body unstiffen at the realisation and she let out a little sniffle because she now felt silly.

Brittany had never cared what others thought about her. That's why she had been so popular. People would say things to bring her down but she wouldn't even bat an eyelid over it. After Santana managed to convince her that she was actually a genius, despite what other people said, at McKinley, she became unstoppable because no criticism could tear her down.

"Sorry," she said, softly. "I panicked, I don't know why I do that."

"It's human nature," Brittany shrugged, though she was secretly relieved that Santana had calmed down. She wondered what would happen if one day Santana panicked and she didn't know how to help, but the thought went through her mind and then disappeared.

Santana nestled into Brittany's chest. "I think I just feel like this is too good to be true, just like I did back then. You're too good to be true."

"I feel the same way," Brittany replied and she opened her mouth to continue when suddenly a loud knock made both of them jump.

The two of them barely had time to look at each other before a loud booming voice came through the wall.

"It's Kurt, don't you dare pretend you two aren't in there. Especially you, _Santana, _we know you're both in there."

Santana and Brittany exchanged a glance and as Brittany's lips began to curve into a smile, Santana let out a giggle, feeling her entire body relax.

"Are you ready to face the music?" she whispered to Brittany, letting go of her hand and taking Brittany's pinky in her own.  
Brittany winked back at her as she lead Santana to the door. She opened it slowly and Kurt looked at Brittany, then at Santana, then down at their connected hands with his mouth open.

* * *

"So, you guys are back together?" Blaine asked cheerfully. He sat perched on the far edge of the couch. Lord Tubbington walked by and Blaine reached down to pick him up, only to realise that he couldn't lift the fat cat at all. He awkwardly placed Lord Tubbington back on his steady feet and watched him run away.

Santana looked at Brittany, who met her gaze and nodded. "Yes, we are."

"Oh, yay!" Kurt said, surprising both of them. Only a minute ago, he had been frowning at both of them. He clapped his hands together in excitement.

"You're not...mad?" Santana asked him skeptically.

Kurt shrugged. "No, just confused I guess. I liked you guys together, and don't forget Santana, I was there for your entire break-up with Britta-"

"Okay, okay, shut up," Santana cut him off, blushing. She didn't need Brittany to hear about how much she had moped over her from Kurt.

Kurt smiled. "How long has this been going on?"

Santana shrugged. "Like, the first day we got here, I guess," she said, not particularly wanting to explain it further. Now that Kurt and Blaine knew, the others would have to be told as well. And as she looked at how excited Kurt and Blaine seemed to be at the news, and how Brittany seemed to be really happy about letting everyone know, maybe she would tell everyone else.

Her and Brittany were dating after all.

The mere thought of that brought the biggest smile to Santana's lips. Brittany was hers once again, and it was official.

* * *

A loud knock on the door interrupted them again. The four of them jumped simultaneously.  
"Who's that?" Kurt said in surprise. He looked at his phone. "Everyone should be getting ready for karaoke, like we should be."  
Brittany shrugged but she jumped up and Santana followed her cautiously. What if it was a murderer or something?

Whoever it was knocked again at the same time that Brittany opened the door. Whoever-it-was's fist almost smacked into Brittany's face, and Santana quickly reacted. She shoved Brittany out of harm's way, before her own fist made contact with whoever-it-was at the door.

Whoever-it-was screamed loudly as Santana's fist hit them square in the arm. "What the hell!?" they yelled, grabbing their arm in a futile attempt to stop the pain.

Brittany, stunned, quickly regained her balance at the familiar voice. "Oh, Fawad, it's you!"

Santana narrowed her eyes at the stranger and she heard both Kurt and Blaine come up behind her. Kurt's hand was over his mouth as he desperately tried not to laugh out loud, and Blaine looked mildly horrified. He also noted that he should never ever sneak up on Santana ever as a joke. Just in case.

"You know him?" Santana gritted her teeth, feeling mildly embarassed that she had hit him. Fawad nodded slowly and Santana sized him up. He was a tall guy, slightly taller than Brittany, around their age, and he had black hair and brown eyes, which were half closed in pain.

"Sorry," Santana apologised and she heard Kurt snort behind her. "Just a, uh, reflex."

Fawad nodded slowly, inching away from Santana just in case her 'reflex' hit him again.

"Fawad!" Brittany exclaimed again, giving him a half-hug, careful to avoid where Santana had just hit. "I thought you were supposed to be in LA?"

"Oh my god, it's Sam's friend," Santana heard Kurt whisper to Blaine. "It's his apartment we're staying in. Shit."

Santana didn't know why he was so worried, so she shrugged to herself and turned back to Brittany.

"Yeah, that didn't work out so well," Fawad rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'll explain over coffee sometime."  
He looked curiously beyond Santana at Kurt and Blaine. "Hey, I'm Fawad, I didn't introduce myself before," he held out his hand, and Kurt shook it.  
"I think we're staying in your apartment," Kurt said. "Thank you so much, it's a lovely place."

Santana rolled her eyes. Kurt greased up everyone he met.

"That's actually what I came to talk to you about," he glanced back at Brittany. "Since I did say I was gone a week, your friends can stay there until they leave, but I was going to ask Sam if I could stay in one of your spare rooms then for the next day or two?"

Santana narrowed her eyes, quickly taking this in. She heard Kurt about to say something behind her.  
"That's alright," she said suddenly, shoving Kurt out of the way, making him choke on his spit and his unformed words. "We can stay here instead, right Brittany?" she waggled her eyebrows at Brittany, who quickly caught on and grinned back at her. "Of course. Fawad, you can go back to your apartment. Today, now, actually."

Fawad looked mildly surprised but also kind of relieved. He was very close friends with Sam, and Brittany too, but sometimes Brittany did the weirdest shit that was hard for him to comprehend. "Is that alright with you guys?" he asked Kurt and Blaine.

Kurt scowled at Santana. He knew exactly what she was up too, and whilst he loved the idea of 'Brittana' happening again, he didn't want to be up at 3 in the morning only to listen to the two of them romping around in the dark.

Santana raised an eyebrow at Kurt, daring him to say no. Daring him to call her out in front of a random stranger.

"Yeah, if Brittany will have us," Blaine chirped in. "Then I can catch up more with Sam. He's my best friend you know," he paused, suddenly noticing Kurt glaring dagger at the side of his head. "Other than Kurt here," he awkwardly slapped his boyfriend on the back.

"Okay," Fawad said slowly, deciding that Brittany's friends were probably as weird as she was. "I'm just off to see my sister so I'll be back around six. Is that enough time to move your stuff?"

"Plenty," Santana said cheerfully, thoughts of what she and Brittany could do with all that privacy, _and acceptance, _filled her mind and she almost started jogging in her spot in anticipation.

"Nice, uh, meeting you," Fawad eventually concluded, looking warily at Santana. She grinned brightly at him. Brittany enveloped him in another hug and he flinched when she touched his now-bruised arm.

* * *

The four of them trooped back to Fawad's apartment. Santana skipped along the hall, her pinky tightly locked around Brittany's. Kurt and Blaine smiled at their disappearing figures.

She stopped outside her apartment and reached to unlock the door. Once open, she was surprised to be met with the sight of her other 'favourite' blonde haired girl. She sat perfectly on the couch as if she had been posed for a modelling magazine, but what was out of the ordinary was Rachel, who had assumably been sitting next to Quinn at one stage, but had fallen asleep on her lap.

"How long has she been like that? What happened?" Kurt rushed forward but Quinn held up her hand to suggest he didn't touch her.

"Let her sleep," Quinn told him. "She's been upset, so she's just sleeping it off."

"What happened?" Blaine asked, sitting on the couch opposite them. Kurt sat on the armchair, both of them staring intently at Rachel. Quinn moved uncomfortably on the couch.

"Why don't we all stop admiring the scene in which _absolutely nothing is going on _and get ready to go out?" Santana snapped everyone out of their lets-stare-at-Rachel daze. Blaine scampered up and Brittany followed him like a puppy with a new master. "I want to see what you guys have done with the place!" she said enthusiastically.

Kurt shot a confused look after Brittany, but after one more look at Rachel, he followed the others into his room.

"So what happened?" she asked Quinn, who gave her a devillish smile. "Seriously, Santana? You just sent the others away just so you can ask the same questions."

Santana shrugged. "Well, I'm hotter, so what happened, Q? Or should I tickle it out of you?"

Quinn glanced at the hallway, pursing her pale red lips. "She's..just upset about Finn."

Santana raised an eyebrow, though she too swallowed the small lump in her throat that had appeared when Finn's name was mentioned. "Finn? On a day like this? Why?"

Quinn shrugged, deciding it was better not to mention it. "Sometimes people just think of things and they can't stop."

Quinn's words were kind of cryptic and between the whole revelation with Kurt and Blaine and the excitement of moving into Brittany's apartment, albiet only for a day, had made her whoozy and light-headed. She couldn't be bothered digging further into this conversation, though she silently promised herself to be nice to Rachel when she woke up.

Which was apparently now. Rachel's eyes fluttered open and she yawned. She reminded Santana of a baby kitten but she wasn't sure why.

"Oh hey," she said, suddenly straightening herself upright when she realised Santana was staring at her. Santana tried to put on a poker face but she was pretty sure that she still looked like she was judging her. Rachel smoothed out her hair.  
"Feeling better, honey?" Quinn asked her and Rachel nodded meekly. Santana raised an eyebrow. Since when was Rachel so quiet and obedient-like? She decided not to question it. It was better than her belting out the lyrics to Bon Jovi like she sometimes did when she woke up in a strange mood.

After a few seconds of silence passed between them, with the exception of the giggling that was coming from the boys room. Rachel excused herself to get ready and Santana and Quinn stared at each other on the couch.

"So I take it things with Brittany went well, and that you told the others too," Quinn observed, picking up a random magazine from the shelf under the coffee table. Santana shrugged as if it were no big deal.

"You know me, Fabray, I always get the girls," she winked at her and Quinn rolled her eyes.  
"Nah, but yeah, I haven't told 'all' of the others yet," she amended. "Just Kurt and Blaine."

"Are you going too?" Quinn asked, following Santana as she stood up and headed towards her room to get ready.  
"Yeah, it's what Brittany wants. And it's not like this is high school. We're dating," she shrugged.

"After like four days," Quinn teased as Santana shrugged herself out of her shorts and shirt. She walked to the closet and began to sort through outfits. "Hey, we've known each other longer than that," Santana replied, picking up a plush soccer toy and aiming it at Quinn's head. Quinn squealed and Rachel poked her head around the door.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, holding lipstick in her left hand. She had only put it on her bottom lip and the sight of it made Santana and Quinn laugh. Rachel huffed slightly and disappeared back into her room.

Santana slipped a slightly inappropriate tight red dress over her body and turned back to Quinn. "How about you Fabray, you got it bad for Berry? I didn't even know you two losers were friends."

Quinn huffed in almost the exact same way Rachel had, which made Santana smirk harder. "No, and of course we're friends, _Lopez, _we were in Glee club together for like three years. We were basically forced to like each other."

"I still don't like you," Santana replied sassily, slipping on her cream-coloured wedges. She heard Quinn fake sigh but she didn't bother to look at her as she began to draw wings on her eyelids with the eyeliner she had taken from Rachel's room.

"So how about you, Quinn, who's that special man in your life now?"

Quinn straightened up slightly. "Nobody. I decided to be single after that whole Professor thing, and just focus on me and my life."  
Santana couldn't hold back a snort. "Somebody praise the Lord," she said sarcastically. "Quinn's survived on her own for all this time!"

"You're terrible," Quinn groaned, falling back onto Santana's bed. "And hey at least I'm almost finished at college."

"Low blow, Fabray," Santana said, running a brush through her hair. "Not my fault NYADA is highly selective and it took them ages to realise my true talent."

Quinn's eyebrows knit together. "Um, I went to _Yale, _if you remembered. Ivy League? Also _highly selective?_"

Santana shrugged at her innocently. "Whatever, I'm ready anyway. Are we going?"

Quinn nodded and the two girls wandered back into the living room where the others were. They stood there in silence. "Everyone looks so nice!" Blaine exclaimed. "Group photo!" Kurt chimed in and held his massive smartphone up. Everyone crowded to fit into the photo, and Santana kissed Brittany on the cheek, leaving a red lipstick stain on her pale skin.

Brittany giggled and Rachel smiled, though she did raise a confused eyebrow.

Quinn stood up, suddenly grabbing Santana's hand in her left one, and Brittany's hand in her right. She walked towards the door, tugging the others two girls with her.

"Unholy Trinity, out!" Quinn announced, this giddy feeling reminding her of high school, and of course, her two trusty sidekicks. She began leading both girls out the door and left Kurt, Blaine and Rachel staring after them, half-amused and half-shocked.

"Shall we go?" Rachel grinned at the two boys. She held out her arms and each boy linked themself with her as they followed the Unholy Trinity out.

* * *

"I just need to make a phone call," Brittany said as the others entered the bar. "Everything okay?" Santana asked her. "Yeah, of couse," Brittany smiled at her. Santana nodded. "If you're sure," and then followed the others into the bar.

Brittany quickly whipped out her phone and scrolled down, looking for Sam's number, when a voice interrupted her.  
"What's up?" Sam said, standing behind her. Mercedes, Tina and Mike stood behind him. Brittany hugged them all. "Thanks for coming," she waved after them as they entered.

"Aren't you going on?" Sam questioned. Brittany shook her head.  
"No, I need to talk to you."

Sam shifted his weight onto one leg. "Is this about Santana?"  
Confusion flitted over Brittany's face. "How'd you know?"

Sam shrugged. "Is something going on between you two?"

"Yeah," Brittany said slowly, studying Sam's face. It didn't change. "Okay?"  
Sam nodded slowly. "Okay, but why? What did she do? Say?"  
"It might be hard to understand," Brittany continued in the same tone. "But I still love her, and she loves me, and I know she sometimes act rash, but she's good. She's good for me."

Sam stared at her for awhile without saying anything. Brittany hopped from one foot to the other. She really wanted Sam to accept this. He had become her best friend when Santana had been gone, and she really didn't want too choose between them. Again.

"Okay," Sam nodded slowly and Brittany felt relief. She enveloped him in a hug which made him smile. "I'm still going to make sure she doesn't hurt you though. If she does, you won't be able to stop me from doing what I need to do to protect you."

Brittany gave him a playful punch. "I know, but she won't. Thanks, Sam."

* * *

"We have an announcement!" Santana said, tapping her glass with Mercedes' glass, since the only spoon she could see was for some reason hanging off Mike's nose. How was he doing that, anyway?  
Mercedes let out an audible protest as her glass was stolen away but it eventually turned into a slow hum as she sang along with whatever song was playing on the radio.

The entire Glee club had situated themselves in a karaoke bar and they were all partially drunk. Emma and Will had decided not to attend this particular get together because they decided that even though all the members were in their twenties and thus legal, it still felt very strange to 'drink' and be chummy with them (also Emma was pregnant), so instead they opted to just see the Glee club tomorrow and spend the entire day together with them then.

"You're hot?" Quinn slurred, her arm wrapped tightly around Rachel. Santana winked back at her and let out a laugh. "No, no, no, well, yes I am, but I don't have to announce that, you should already see it."

Puck let out a random 'woop' for no apparent reason and everyone began giggling.

Santana looked at Brittany who nodded somewhat sleazily back at her. Sam was drunk too, so he was just mindlessly clapping.

She turned back to the others. "Well," she began. "I would have preferred to do this when you shitbags weren't all drunk, but it's the only time I can do this, so.."

"So, what?" Quinn yelled and Santana couldn't help rolling her eyes sarcastically at her. She knew that Quinn already knew what she was going to say, but suddenly, she didn't want to say anything at all.

She held her hand out to Brittany, who unwrapped herself from Sam's grasp and stood up shakily on the chair next to Santana. She wobbled slightly and Santana snaked her hand around her waist to keep her from falling.

"Are you guys in lesbians again, cause that's hot," Puck murmured. Quinn threw a wet serviette at him in response.

Santana grinned and bit her lip nervously. She looked at Sam, because she knew that's where most of the judgement had come from, but he seemed completely at peace. He too, was waiting patiently for her to announce whatever she was about to say.

"Well," Santana begin, turning to Brittany, who winked at her. She shifted so her body was up against Brittany's, and she quickly dove in for a quick kiss, which turned out being a slightly longer one. "Get a room!" Rachel squealed and then began to giggle when Quinn began to randomly tickle her. Puck 'woop'ed again and Mike let out a cat-call.

Santana felt their lips pull apart, but their noses were still mere centimetres away from each other. "Couldn't have done it better myself," Brittany whispered, sending chills down Santana's back as she felt her hot breath against her cheek.

"We're dating!" Brittany announced loudly, using her other arm, which wasn't around Santana's back, to wave to the others. "Just in case you didn't realise what that kiss meant," she clarified before Sam helped her down.  
She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she breathed softly into his ear. "For being understanding."

Sam smiled back at her. "Anything for you, Britt."

* * *

"Can we karaoke?" Rachel whined suddenly, throwing her arms in the air and almost knocking over her glass of whatever Tina had mixed up for her.  
"Seriously?" Quinn asked, stunned. "You've literally sung like ten songs so far. That can't be good for your vocal chords."  
Rachel looked mildly alarmed at the mention of anything affecting her singing when Santana suddenly pushed past her.  
"Nuh-uh, Berry," she said, moving her neck sassily. "Me and Britts are gonna get our duet on, so back off."

Santana clambered onto the stage, and Brittany followed her. The two were hand in hand. A few random people in the crowd whistled, Puck was probably one of them, but Santana did nothing but smile. She felt incredibly happy. Nothing could ruin this moment.

Santana looked over the song choices and quickly selected '61.' She knew Brittany knew the song. She held the microphone close to her lips, and when the song started, Brittany let out a giggle.

_"I love the way you make me feel, I love it. I love it,"_ Santana sang, grabbing Brittany's hand and facing her.

_"Say, I'm thinking 'bout her every second, every hour. Do my singing in the shower. Picking petals off of flowers like does she love me, does she love me not?" _Brittany sang in reply. The crowd cheered loudly in front of them, but to the two girls, they felt like they were in their own universe. Music had played its part in bringing them together, and Santana intended for music to keep them together, because music was there when words were not.

_"You give me that kind of something, want it all the time, need it everyday. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'm at 100. Never get enough, I can't stay away. If you want it, I got it, I got it everyday," _Santana leaned forward and kissed the tip of Brittany's nose. Brittany scrunched up her nose in response before she sang the next lines._ "You can get whatever you need from me, stay by your side, I'll never leave you. I ain't going nowhere cause you're a keeper."_

They opened their mouths to sing the chorus together when suddenly Quinn leapt on stage with them, which made the crowd cheer even more. Probably because Quinn was hot, but whatever. "_So don't you worry, baby you got me." _At this point Rachel had jumped up on stage with them as well because she just couldn't bring herself to keep away from one of her jams.

Quinn linked hands with her as they belted out the chorus, whilst Brittany and Santana had decided to give up on singing and were now just making out in the corner.

"_You got my heart, don't know how you did it, and I don't care who sees it babe. I don't wanna hide the way I feel when you're next to me. I love the way you make me feel. I love the way. Baby I love the way you make me feel."_

* * *

"Tomorrow's my last day here, Brittany. You remembered, right?"

Santana had just gotten out of the shower from Brittany's ensuite. She'd mostly sobered up, but Brittany still felt borderline tipsy.

"Um, yeah," she mumbled, distracted at how drops of water were rolling off Santana's smooth skin and onto her floor. She looked away, reminding herself that there were several other people in the rooms next to them, and she couldn't do with Santana what she wanted too.

Santana didn't reply straight away. Instead, she poked her head into her suitcase and groaned. "Berry did the laundry, and it's probably in her suitcase," she sighed. Brittany gave her a questioning look as she swung her legs as if she were on a swing as she sat perched on her bed.

"My underwear. I don't have any."

Brittany giggled and she licked her lips, which emitted a blush from Santana. She picked up a small rabbit plush toy on Brittany's dresser and threw it at her. "I know what you're thinking," she chided the blonde. "And I'm thinking the same thing. Shame that everyone else is in the room over," she sighed. She opened the nearest drawer to her.  
"Guess I'll just wear your underwear."

Brittany crossed her legs as she anxiously tried to get the dirty thoughts out of her mind.  
Santana picked up a cream coloured pair and went to close the drawer when a piece of paper caught her eye. She picked it up and scanned through it before she turned back to Brittany.

"This says you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 10:30 in the morning. Were you planning on going?"

Brittany looked up at the piece of paper that Santana was holding and swallowed. She'd completely forgotten that she had put that there.

"Brittany, you need to take this kind of stuff seriously," Santana was irritated. Brittany lifted her shoulders in a sigh. A silence followed and Santana quickly slipped on her underwear and a shirt before she sat next to Brittany on the bed. "No," Brittany eventually admitted.

"Why don't you want to go?" Santana's tone was slightly milder.

Brittany shrugged. "I don't know."

Santana let out a groan of frustration, but she wrapped her bare arms around Brittany's shoulders and held her close to her.

"Brittany, I love you so much. I don't know what I can do for you, except be here."

Brittany reached up and held Santana's arms close to her body, hugging them as if they were the only things keeping her on this Earth. "That's all I want you to do, be here, please. Don't leave me for New York, please stay here with me. Please."

Santana felt Brittany nestle under her chin and she sighed. "I can't, you know that."

"Well maybe I'll leave here for New York then," Brittany said obstinately. She sounded like a small child. Santana said nothing, but she stroked her hair back. "I'm going to go with you tomorrow to the Doctor's, and then we're going to spend the rest of the day together doing fun things to make up for it, okay?"

Brittany didn't say anything but she pressed herself harder into Santana, wishing they could stay like this forever. "Sing to me," she said, pouting slightly. Brittany felt Santana nod above her and she felt content once she heard Santana's soothing tone echo through the room.

"_I was walking home looking at the trees, got the feeling that they were looking back at me."_

I like this song," Brittany said, rolling her fist into a ball and pressing it against her mouth. Santana looked at her. Brittany looked exactly like a small lost child. She kissed her on her forehead. "_Thoughts that occurred to me, were not of the usual kind, and I don't take it for granted, no, I don't call them mine." _She inched back on the bed slightly and lowered Brittany's head until it reached the pillow. She pulled the blankets up over them.

"_Cause in my life things are built on __**constant **__surprises coming my way. Some call it coincidence, but I like to call it fate," _Santana sang into Brittany's ear. Brittany turned around and gave Santana a gentle kiss.

"Goodnight, Britt-Britt."  
"Goodnight, 'Tana."

* * *

AN: Title/Songs are Constant Surprises - Little Dragon  
The Way - Ariana Grande

I'm really glad that you guys like Quinn! She was my favourite character before Brittana happened so she's definitely here to stay :)  
and thank you for all the reviews last chapter! I really really appreciate them guys!

I said this last chapter, but I still have exams for about another month so the updates will be slower, however with this chapter when I started it, I couldn't stop. Hope you guys liked it!


	12. crash (ill wrap my arms around you now)

AN: There's a hospital scene that may upset some people. If you do not like this type of thing, feel free to skip over the italics in the first few paragraphs :)

Also the song that plays throughout this chapter is 'Crash' - You Me At Six :)

* * *

_A small child of around ten years old sat uncomfortably on the cold hard chairs of the hospital. She sat in a large waiting room, but it didn't feel large to Brittany. She felt like the walls were enclosing in on her, threatening to swallow her up._

_She lightly slipped off of the chair and began to wander down a hallway, where there were nothing but white walls and blue signs that she could not understand._  
_Her mother had told her to stay where she was, but her now-buddening claustrophobia was getting the better of her, and she tip-toed further into an empty abyss of white. She would be back before her mother noticed. The nursery was probably on the other side of the hospital anyway, and her one year old sister took a long time to feed, so she had plenty of time on her hands. Plus, the waiting room, which was too public for her mother to feed her sister in anyway, was not where Brittany wanted to be either._

_She wanted to be with her father._

_"Can I help you sweetie?" a short lady with long black hair stood to her left. Brittany flinched. She didn't know someone had been there. When she looked up she realised she must have turned into another waiting room, this one bigger than the last._

_"Yes," Brittany said confidently. The lady's name tag read 'Joanna' and she looked nice enough. "I am looking for my father," she hoped her squeaky voice wasn't betraying the fact that she wasn't supposed to see him by herself at all, but Joanna didn't seem to notice._

_"Of course," the lady nodded her head. "What was his name, sweetie?"_

_She blinked, about to say 'dad' when she remembered what her mother called him. "Kevin," she said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "Pierce."_

_Joanna smiled down at her. She had a massive soft spot for kids. On her lunch breaks, when Doctor Lopez brought in his adorable daughter, Santana, to work, she would spend all of her time with her. She couldn't wait to have kids of her own._

_"Oh yes, Kev," Joanna smiled at the young girl, seeing that she had her fathers piercing blue eyes. "He's a delightful man. What was your name?" she asked as she placed her hand gently on Brittany's back as she guided her through another hall and through some other rooms._

_"Brittany Pierce," she chirped as she followed Joanna through to a different hallway. "That's a beautiful name," she said as she opened the door to a room and ushered Brittany in, unprepared for the scene that was about to unravel before her eyes._

_Doctor Lopez stood on one side of the bed, and two nurses stood on the other. All three were in some kind of panic. Joanna frowned at the sight before her. She had been in Kev's room only half an hour ago and he had been peacefully napping. What had happened since then?_

_Brittany let out some kind of wail from the door, sensing everybody's panic. Doctor Lopez whipped his head around and saw a young girl the same age as his daughter, with pale blonde hair and large blue eyes that were filling with tears. "Take her out!" he hissed at Joanna, moving so he could cover up as much as Kev as possible so that the young girl couldn't see._

_Joanna reached down to grab the little girl, but Brittany was nimble and deft and she slipped out of Joanna's attempted grab. She raced to the bed where her dad lay, pushing past Doctor Lopez, completely unprepared for what she was about see._

_Her dad, her hero, lay uselessly on the white bed. He was breathing very unsteadily, his entire chest struggling to rise and fall with each breath._

_When suddenly it all stopped. Her dad let out one giant sigh, one that he usually let out after a long weeks work. But this one was different, his chest didn't rise again after this sigh. "Dad?" Brittany cried, though her voice came out in a twisted whisper. Joanna grabbed Brittany around her waist and lifted her up, but Brittany began to kick wildly in the air and Joanna remained frozen as Brittany suddenly witnessed a scene that she would never, ever forget._

_Her dad lay completely still, but he seemed to let out one giant cough, when black blood suddenly began to pour out of his nostrils and mouth. Brittany let out a blood-curling scream. It was like a scene in a horror movie that she wasn't allowed to watch, yet it was unravelling right in front of her. It was happening in front of her, and it was happening to her dad._

_She let out another scream and the nurses ran instantly to wipe up the blood. They held wads of tissues to her dad's face and Brittany screamed again._

_"Get. Her. Out!" Doctor Lopez yelled and Joanna braced herself as Brittany kicked and punched her in an attempt to break free as Joanna forced both of them out of the room. She placed Brittany on the ground. Brittany instantly turned around and attempted to go back to her dad, refusing to believe what had happened, but Joanna grabbed the knob before her and pulled it tightly shut._

_"Honey, honey, it's okay," she soothed, trying to wipe Brittany's tears from her face. Brittany didn't respond. She could feel the tears running down her face but she didn't care, she let out a petrified wail and smacked her body into the door, wishing it would open. She wanted her dad. She wanted to make him feel better._

_Brittany wasn't sure how long had gone by before Doctor Lopez came out of the room. He blocked the door in case Brittany tried to run back in, but Brittany had given up. She lay slumped against the wall, her knees pulled up to her chin, and her head in between her legs. She heard her mum come up behind her and ask what was wrong and she heard Doctor Lopez reply but she couldn't make out the words that they used, the words that they said. She heard her baby sister wailing but she was sure that her mum's cries were louder. And all Brittany could do was sit there._

_People kept hugging her and pulling her in different directions but Brittany could not breathe._

_She could not understand what had gone wrong._

* * *

Brittany awoke with a start. Her heavy panting was enough to make Santana, who lay beside her with one of her legs curled around Brittany's, wake up as well. "Brittany? What's wrong?" she asked, sliding her arms around Brittany's shoulders and guiding her upwards so she sat up against the bed's headrest.

Brittany swallowed as she tried to shake the realistic dream from her mind.  
"Bad dream," she managed to stutter. Santana pushed her hair out of her eyes and Brittany managed a small smile.  
"It wasn't real, sweetie," Santana murmured, kissing Brittany lightly on her jaw. Brittany looked away and out the window. The sun was just coming up. "Yeah," she managed to murmur back.

That was the thing though. It had been real. It had happened. It was like when she was younger and she used to have the exact same dream every single night, ever since her father had left her. She felt her body tighten as she tried to push her anxious thoughts away but could not succeed. She flinched slightly as Santana reached under the covers and grabbed her hand.

"What was it about?" Santana whispered. Brittany's eyes trailed over to the end of the bed where Lord Tubbington lay near her feet. Santana was the first person who she had actually told, who she'd said out loud, too, that her father had passed on. Though she was young, she'd never found the words to admit to anyone else the sad truth, but with Santana it felt different.

Her fingers tightened around Santana's. "My dad," she swallowed. Santana nodded. Brittany didn't need to say anything else.

"Is that why you don't want to go to the doctor's?" she asked. "Does it remind you of..that?"  
Brittany chewed her lower lip nervously. Santana didn't know exactly what went on in Brittany's dreams and she never asked in fear of prying, but she could guess. And Brittany wondered how close Santana's guesses actually got to the truth. She nodded slowly.

"It won't be like that Britt," she said softly. "The doctor's just going to recommend stuff that will..fix you. Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise."

Brittany nodded numbly. She didn't know why she was so scared. She was the one at risk, not Santana. It wasn't like the possibility of what had happened to her dad would happen to Santana, who she loved just as dearly, but she was still so scared. She let go of Santana's hand under the sheets and placed them on top instead, her fingers tangling up in the bedsheets. What if something went really wrong? What if it wasn't Brittany crying at somebody's bedside, what if it were Santana? She didn't want to put her through that kind of pain.

Santana found Brittany's hand again on top of the sheets. "Don't forget that I'm here now," she reminded her. Brittany squeezed her hand in response. She didn't feel like talking anymore. She slipped out of the bed and changed into a pair of shorts, whilst Santana stared blankly at the cream wall, distantly remembering something.

She remembered Brittany used to do this often when they were younger, when they were in their teens. They used to fall asleep together, perfectly harmless looking to any adults that would open a bedroom door and peek in, but it was under the sheets where they would hold hands, and fall asleep with their bare legs intertwined in a romantic gesture.

However, sometimes Brittany would wake up in the middle of the night. Santana would feel her shift about when she woke up, which made her wake up as well. About a minute later, not straight away, and Brittany would start crying.

This crying didn't happen every night, as far as Santana knew. The two girls had 'sleepovers' as often as they could just to be with each other as much as possible, and it seemed like it was every fourth or fifth time that they were together that Brittany would be crying. Though it seemed like the more that Santana stayed over at her house or Brittany's at Santana's, the more it declined, as if Santana being there was comforting for her. Eventually by senior year, the crying had fazed out entirely.

But when it was happening, Santana used to wonder why Brittany would be quiet for a long time before the crying started, though she never bothered to ask. She used to wonder why Brittany never just woke up crying. It all seemed bizarre to her. Whenever she had a nightmare, she would wake up with the tears fresh in her eyes and the sniffles already in her nose. She used to wonder if maybe Brittany was having a different type of nightmare than what was normal, but she always felt it was never in her place to ask. So she would just be there to comfort and kiss Brittany when she woke up in hysteria, and just assumed she'd never know.

Until one night. They were about fifteen. Santana remembered because it was the first time that she was the little spoon. She was curled up into Brittany when she suddenly awoke to startled gasps. She guessed that Brittany was still asleep by her stillness, but she had gripped Santana tighter around the waist, too tight, it was starting to hurt, and she was making loud gasps in Santana's ear that got louder by the second. Eventually they became screams and Santana was forced to unwrap herself from Brittany just before Brittany's mother burst in. Santana then watched helplessly from the sides as Brittany's mother held her daughter in her arms as Brittany slowly woke up from her nightmare.

When Brittany had seen her mother holding her instead of Santana, she relaxed, and she'd told her mother what she'd dreamt about; her dad.  
Santana had heard but she didn't say anything. Instead, she pretended she had fallen asleep again. She'd always wondered why she never asked about Brittany's dreams, but now she knew, yet she never did anything about it.

But that was all going to change.

* * *

**Wait, keep me in your skin.**  
**Keep me in your chest.**  
**I'll wait for it to start.**  
**I'll wait for it to end.**

"Where are you guys off too?" Kurt wore a unicorn-themed apron and Santana could hear, and smell, the bacon frying from a mile away. "Out," she replied promptly, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl as she slipped on her loafers. Blaine waved her good morning from his spot on the table. Sam was assumably still asleep.

Kurt raised an eyebrow but didn't prompt her any further. Santana glanced towards the hallway and saw Brittany pull on a shirt and grab some shoes from her closet. She looked back at Kurt. "You guys are all ready, right?" she said in a low tone to Kurt, who smirked once he remembered what she meant.

"Of course," he said. "I've got everyone else to fl-"

"Brittany! Are you ready?" Santana interrupted him once Brittany entered her loungeroom. Santana and Kurt exchanged one last meaningful look.

"Yep," Brittany replied cheerfully. She quickly manoeuvred around her kitchen and grabbed a plastic plate from one of the drawers. She quickly piled on a heap of bacon, some scrambled egg and rice out of the rice cooker onto it and then looked at Santana through a mouth-full of hash brown. "Ready?" she mumbled.

Santana laughed and took her by the arm while Kurt looked mildly horrified. "Let's go," she giggled and she guided Brittany, who was balancing a bag on one arm and her plate full of food on the other out the door. "I promise this will all be fine," Santana said, and she meant to stick by that promise. She'd protect Brittany from everything. A scary doctor's visit or two, the results, whatever came next. She wouldn't be like she was when she was younger. She would ask all the questions and know all the answers just so she would be able to help Brittany.

The two stepped into the elevator and Brittany leaned forward until her lips were pressing against Santana's. "I forgot to give you a morning kiss," Brittany said as she pulled back slowly. "You're forgiven," Santana licked her lips, still tasting the spot where Brittany had kissed her. It tasted a bit like hash browns and a little like Brittany.

* * *

**And I know, I've said this all before, but opposites attract.  
We try and run away, but end up running back.**

They took a seat in the waiting room after they had checked in. Brittany looked up at the white walls, swallowing hard as it felt like the walls were closing in on her. She had never been claustrophobic, and it was a large waiting room, but she felt sweat begin to form on her forehead as she continued to stare around the room. It reminded her of the one from her past, from the one in her dreams. She could feel her palms getting clammy and she tried gripping the handles of her chair to calm herself.

Santana was distracted by a magazine and Brittany decided not too, or actually couldn't, say anything.

"Brittany Pierce?" a voice interrupted both girls. For a moment Brittany just sat there as if she had forgotten her own name. Santana nudged her, putting down the magazine, and she stood up shakily. Santana guided her swiftly to the lady who stood in front of the hallway.

Brittany felt her heart race a little shower as she noticed the doctor was in normal clothes, and not in the white scrubs of the hospital staff.  
"Pleased to meet you, my name is Matilda," the doctor said, holding out her hand. She had pale brown hair and pale brown smiling eyes to match.  
"Brittany," she said, shaking it politely, though she was sure her hands were sweaty and clammy. She rubbed them against her shorts, embarrassed.

"I'm Santana," Santana said, and shook the Dr. Matilda's hand as well. The doctor smiled and turned to Brittany. "Did you want to come in alone or did you want your friend to come with you?"

The two exchanged a glance. Santana shrugged though Brittany could see she looked a little hurt. She bit down on her gum.

"She's my..girlfriend," Brittany said carefully. She wasn't sure if Santana wanted people outside of the Glee club to know of their official dating status, but she was proud of Santana, and she wanted the world to know it. Santana seemed to beam when she heard the word 'girlfriend', so Brittany relaxed.

"Oh," the doctor said and then smiled warmly at both of them. "Come this way then."

* * *

"Well, Brittany, your cancer is only in one lung," the doctor paused as she scrolled through Brittany's results. "Have you read up about the surgery that you will undergo?"

"A little bit," Brittany replied, trying to keep an even face so it wouldn't look like she was lying. She hadn't, but it wasn't like she knew nothing about lung cancer. She had looked it up all the time when she was younger, but not since she had been diagnosed, not for years.

"There are three types of surgery," Santana interrupted, sensing the hesitancy in Brittany's voice. "Pneumonectomy, lobectomy, and wedge resection."

"Very good," the doctor said, impressed. "It seems that you know all about it, Santana."

"My father's a doctor," Santana blushed. She didn't want Brittany to think she was overstepping her bounds. She had in fact, googled all about lung cancer ever since Brittany had told her she had it, and made sure she knew absolutely everything about it. She dared to look up at Brittany, and when Brittany noticed, all she did was shoot Santana an appreciate smile.

"But still," the doctor lamented. "Anyway, the surgery that you'll have to undergo Brittany, is the wedge resection, or segmentectomy, which I suppose is the least harmful for the rest of your body."

Brittany frowned. "Will it hurt?"

The doctor twisted her lips. "You'll be under general anaesthesia, honey. Have you decided on a date for it?"

Brittany hoped that Santana wouldn't be mad. "No."

"Do you want too? I'll give you two a minute, I just need to double check some things."

Santana nodded her thanks and she turned to Brittany, who turned to face Santana slowly, scared that Santana would get angry at her again for ignoring it.  
But she didn't.  
"When do you want to do it, Britt? I want it done as soon as possible. That's my input. The sooner you're better, the better it is for you, and me, and everyone."

"Um," Brittany looked to the wall. She put her hand in her pocket and ran her finger over a long slip of paper that had been there since the previous day. Santana had no idea what it was because Brittany had quickly whisked off during the karaoke session and bought it.  
She hoped Santana would be happy.

"In three weeks, maybe?" she suggested.

Santana nodded slowly. Maybe she could save up enough and come and be here for Brittany by then. At least in three weeks she could get work off, and probably college too.

Dr. Matilda walked back in. "How'd you guys go?"

"Three weeks from now," Brittany said, staring over at the calendar. "On this day, here."

Dr. Matilda nodded. "One minute," she said as she scheduled it in. It took a few minutes so Santana busied herself by looking up at the charts of skeleton figures and muscles on the wall. She was surprised that she knew a lot of them already although she'd never taken an interest in Biology before.

"All done ladies," Dr. Matilda interrupted Santana's thoughts as she looked up again. She handed Brittany a book and then gently closed Brittany's hands around the pages as she passed them to her. "Please go through this so you know what to expect," she said in a gentle tone. "I know it's hard and you're a very strong girl, with a good girlfriend, so you'll get through it." Brittany nodded, feeling tears forming in her eyes. She liked this doctor.

"Thank you," Brittany said. "Yeah, thank you," Santana added as she put her arm around Brittany and guided her outside and out into the lobby.

"Was that so bad?" Santana asked her softly. Brittany cast her eyes downwards. "Not as bad as I thought," she eventually admitted after awhile. She looked up, the walls didn't feel like they were closing in on her so much when Santana was pressed against her. She let out a sigh of relief and suddenly felt her entire body relax. It was like she had been holding in that breath of air forever. "And it'll get better," she added with slightly more confidence.

"Of course it will," Santana beamed at her as she shook her head towards the exit. "And today can only get better, too, right?"

Brittany nodded shyly, as if she were a small child. It warmed Santana's heart.

"Come on, we'll start off with ice-cream," Santana said, beckoning her hand towards Brittany, who obliged, and took it as she followed Santana down the road to her new life.

* * *

**But when I looked at her, I thought of only you.**  
**If only there was proof I could use to show it's true.**

"So what's your life in New York like?" Brittany asked, her pink tongue slurping up her rainbow-flavoured ice-cream. "I never really asked you that, did I?"  
Santana shrugged. "It's good, a lot better than Lima," she lamented. "But ever since I moved there was always one thing missing."  
"A puppy?" Brittany said, suddenly looking hopefully at Santana, who shook her head and shot her a playful scowl.

"No, you, silly," she said, nudging Brittany gently. Brittany sucked in her lips doubtfully, though she felt warm inside.  
"Did you date anyone else? I mean, of course you did, you're hot," Brittany answered herself with a frown. She wanted to know everything about Santana's life without her, but this was a question that had nagged at her mind ever since Santana had been whisked away by her own life. Brittany wanted to know who else had been there for Santana, how long it had lasted. She tried not to feel jealous as Santana nodded slowly. Of course Santana had had to move on.

And it didn't matter now, because she had her back again. She smiled at the thought, which made Santana confused.

"I had another girlfriend," she said slowly, wondering what Brittany was thinking of. "Her name was Dani. We dated for awhile, about a year."

"We dated longer," Brittany interjected, the smile vanishing from her face as she acknowledged that there actually had been someone else. Santana twisted her bottom lip in amusement as she noticed the jealousy in Brittany's tone. It also made her kind of relieved too, because even though 'Bram' was long over, she still felt jealous of Sam, because he had touched Brittany, been there for her when Santana wasn't, and had a special place in her heart that Santana thought she would be the only person ever to put up residence there.

"We did," Santana nodded, and then she smiled, her free hand grabbing Brittany's. She squeezed it tightly.  
"I love you so much, you know that?"  
Brittany giggled, feeling herself relax again. "It can't be as much as I love you," she responded, kissing Santana on the nose. A small drop of Brittany's ice-cream landed on the tip of Santana's nose and Santana let out a small shriek as she felt the coldness suddenly spread. Brittany laughed and used her sleeve to wipe it off. "Sorry," she sang.

The two of them were quiet for a bit, but it wasn't awkward. It was just a silent bliss. Santana turned to gaze at her girlfriend, trying to soak in as much of her as possible. The freckles on her face, her pale blonde her, the small defined curve on her nose, her bright pink lips. Just everything.

Brittany noticed and stared inquisitively at Santana. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just trying to memorise as much of you as I can," she replied. Throughout the years, she would always look at their photos together, or of photos of just Brittany, and sometimes, she even watched her 'Fondue for Two' show on Youtube. But despite this, over the years, she had forgotten some parts of Brittany, the smaller parts, and she wanted nothing more than to relearn them.

"Because you're leaving tonight?" Brittany blew out a breath of air softly. Santana sighed. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

"How'd you forget you're leaving me tonight?" Brittany tried to say teasingly, but there was a lump in her throat and it came out kind of choked up.

"It'll be alright, Britt," Santana replied. "I have savings, I'll come back and visit you every opportunity I can. We can skype every night so we can always see each others faces. We can be cute and stuff and write letters. And when you're on holidays, you can come and visit me in New York. We'll get through this."

Brittany wanted to tell Santana that it wasn't the same, but she didn't want to start an argument, not on Santana's last day with her in person. "Okay," was all she said simply. Santana squeezed her hand in reply. Things were going to be perfectly fine as long as they were together.

A warm breeze blew over them and Santana inhaled the warm sunny air. She loved days like this. Bright and sunny days had always reminded her of Brittany, and the nostalgia of their happy days washed over her and made everything seem better and brighter. She squinted at Brittany through the sunlight and noticed a perplexed expression on Brittany's face.

"What's wrong?" she asked, wondering if Brittany was upset about what she'd said.  
Brittany shook her head. "Nothing, but I think I'm getting sunburned."  
Santana looked closely at her and noticed a pale red tint spreading over Brittany's face. She slapped her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle. "I don't think so," she lied through her teeth as she noticed Brittany frown. "But maybe we should go somewhere cool just to make sure you don't?"

* * *

**We were young, we were in our teens.**  
**It wasn't real love.**  
**Spent behind bars.**  
**Oh, it's sad to think, we just let it be, prisoners of love.**

"I've never been here!" Brittany said excitedly, shaking her butt as she jumped up and down on the spot. "How did you know I wanted to go?"  
Santana raised an eyebrow. "As if you've never been here," she said, staring out onto the ice rink where families and lovers held hands as they glided around in circles.

"Sam's not into this stuff and it seems lame to go by myself," Brittany replied as Santana handed her a pair of skates. She sat down on the red leather bench provided and looked solemnly up at Santana. She felt like a child, but not in a bad way, in a good way.  
She had trouble remembering parts of her childhood so doing things that made her feel young seemed to make up for it. She stuck her tongue out slightly as she tried to hook the laces around the silver buttons on the shoes, but she couldn't. She had no idea how this worked. Like, why were there all these small silver bits on the laces?  
She made her confused face and Santana looked at her questioningly. "What, Britt?"

"Can you do my laces?" she asked timidly. Santana laughed. "Of course, Britt, of course I will."

She bent down and hooked one lace through all the small silver bits and then brought it back around again until she tied it into a knot. She then quickly did her own laces and then held her hand out to Brittany as they moved towards the ice skating rink. Brittany took it and they both unsteadily entered onto the ice.

"I've never ice-skated before either," Santana confessed. "Rachel's always begging me to go with her to that one in Central Park, but I always blow her off."  
Brittany giggled. "So does that mean we'll both fall?"  
"I don't think you're gonna fall," Santana pulled a face as she used her free hand to guide herself along the ice rink with the help of the bar. When Brittany moved, she was flawless. She didn't expect ice-skating to be any different for her. But as for herself..there was no way she was letting go.  
Brittany toddled after her, carefully putting one foot in front of the other and then gliding a few metres.  
"Let go of the bar," Brittany scolded with a smile, trying to tug Santana away, but Santana held on too tightly. She let go of Brittany's hand.

"Go if you want too," she said, using her other free hand to steady herself.

Brittany made a face as Santana tried to shoo her away. "You aren't going to fall."  
Santana mimicked Brittany's face. "I don't believe you."  
Brittany stuck out her tongue and then glided carefully across the ice. She held her hands out to the side to steady her balance.  
She could do cartwheels without any hands, so surely she could ice-skate as well?

Brittany beamed as she felt herself gliding through the ice. It wasn't cold, but she felt like she was in Antarctica. The walls had fake icicles hanging off them, and everyone had large puffer jackets on even though it was hot outside, and they all wore the same bulky, wintery looking shoes. She dared herself to spin around, and she made it, though her finish was unsteady. She looked back at Santana whose face had gone from pained, too astounded, followed by a grimace as she refused to let go of the bar.

"Let go!" Brittany called as she dared to do another spin. She was going to get this right. "No!" she heard Santana call back. She heard a guy snicker rather rudely behind her, and she turned around to scold him when he brushed past her, hard. She lost her balance and promptly fell on her butt. She let out a little laugh, feeling slightly exhilarated from the fall, and also glad that it hadn't hurt that much, when she heard a loud cry.

She looked back at Santana, who had unsteadily pried herself away from the bar. She took a few steps, looking unsure, but once she saw the boy in the t-shirt who knocked Brittany down again, she felt a small amount of adrenaline rush through her and she glided quickly towards him. He saw her coming, and looked warily at Brittany, quickly putting together that they were together.

"Hey, watch it punk face!" Santana snapped as the boy glided off quickly. She tried to speed up to catch up with him, and she flailed her arms wildly as she tried to grab his loose t-shirt to pull him down to the ground.  
She heard Brittany catch up to her. "Santana, it's okay," she giggled as her girlfriend lost her balance and began to flail wildly in the air.  
She then promptly fell on her butt. Brittany desperately tried to stop crashing into her, but she couldn't. Her skates hit Santana and she fell on top of her. Both girls erupted in laughter and Santana pulled Brittany's face towards hers and kissed her.

Brittany laughed into the kiss, she couldn't help it. She was just so happy. Also, Santana looked hilarious.

She pulled back from the kiss after awhile and looked at her girlfriend. The boy that had bumped into Brittany wolf-whistled them and both girls simultaneously rolled their eyes, though Brittany was grinning the whole way through it.

She knew that Santana had accepted who she was a long time ago, but Brittany had been missing for the three years where Santana had decided not to care about what random people thought of her. It bubbled up her heart to think that Santana was proud to be with her, publicly.

She stood up first and offered her hand to Santana. "Round two?" she suggested with a twinkle in her eyes.  
Santana grinned back at her and smacked her hand into Brittany's. "Only if we get to do that again."

* * *

**It's so easy for it to be something second guessed, easy to read.**  
**Don't let it become a meaningless routine.**  
**It's meaningless to me.**

The two girls skipped down the sidewalk. Brittany bumped her hip into Santana who responded with a loud shriek. She turned around to face her blonde girlfriend and she grabbed her free hand. She began to sprint backwards which made Brittany shriek. "Santana! Watch where you're going!" she cried as she felt tears form in her eyes from laughter. Today had been the best day for as long as she could remember. Everything seemed at peace, and whole, when Santana was with her.

She wondered why that was. She'd always been told that she didn't need someone with her to feel complete, that she could succeed and have everything that she had ever wanted without a significant other, and Brittany agreed with them whole-heartedly. But there was something about Santana, that just made everything worth it. It wasn't like Santana was another person that was in love with her, it was more like Santana was an actual part of her. And as she looked into Santana's shiny eyes that reflected the marvellous sunset in the background, she could think of nothing better.

Santana then linked her pinky in Brittany's and both girls giggled their way through the halls of the apartments. They reached Brittany's door and Santana opened it. No-one was home, as expected, so Brittany leaned forward for a kiss, but for some reason Santana turned away from her. She opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, when suddenly the lights to her apartment flicked on and a loud chorus of voices screamed, "SURPRISE!"

Brittany blinked her eyes because she had a really hard time believing that this was happening. Mr. Schuester and Emma stood in the middle of the crowd, holding a cake that said 'We love you Brittany!' Everyone else stood around them, beaming.  
"No way," Brittany breathed before she threw her hands up in the air. "This is awesome! You guys!" she didn't expect her voice to break but it did. She began sobbing, because she was just so happy.

"Don't cry yet," Quinn said as she put an arm around Brittany and held her steady. Everyone joined in for a group hug, and Brittany managed to see a sea of smiling faces through her tears. "I love you guys," she wept.

She then felt herself being dragged off onto the couch by Quinn, who handed her a cell phone. "Not everyone could make it," Quinn began, her mouth widening in a huge smile. "But because everyone in the Glee club loves you, they all want to let you know personally."

Brittany gingerly took the phone. She could feel herself blushing as everyone watched her and she felt slightly embarrassed, but no-one really noticed since Brittany was so sunburnt, and they'd seen that when she'd first walked through the door.

"Who is it?" Brittany gasped in a happy tone. Quinn shrugged her shoulders casually, though a smirk was plastered on her face. She answered it and the person who promptly said 'hello' was not particularly a voice she recognised. She put it on speaker phone.

"Hello?" the voice echoed. It was a deep voice, of a man's. It was familiar, but not terribly so.

"Hi," Brittany said cautiously. Quinn shrieked with laughter. "She doesn't remember your voice, Joe!" Quinn yelled into the phone.

"Seriously?" the voice replied, though it was not unkind, just confused. "Brittany we were in Glee club together for two years."

Brittany was still frowning, when suddenly it clicked. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed, and then quickly went off into a babble of questions, such as, how was his life now that he had returned to living in a cave?

They talked for a few minutes before Quinn took her phone back. She pressed a few buttons before she handed it back. "You have ten minutes with each of them," she told Brittany, who raised an eyebrow. Everyone had gone back to the food and everyone was helping themselves to the tucker that Kurt had assumably cooked. Santana hovered over Quinn to make sure Brittany was okay. She held several tissues but Quinn shooed her away. "You get enough time with her," she said bossily. "Go eat or socialise with y'know, other people?" Santana pulled a face but did as Quinn said, though she passed the tissues to Quinn so that she could wipe Brittany's face.

Brittany continued to cry happily as she talked to all the people she'd known throughout the years who didn't make it. After Joe, she talked to Rory, who was back in Ireland but was planning to visit America again soon, then she talked to Ryder, and Unique, and then Marley and Jake, and finally, Kitty. All of them told her that they loved her and they wished her all the best. Brittany basically just kept bubbling, "I love you" over and over because she was just so touched with all of them.

When she was done, she handed the phone to Quinn and then she tackled Quinn onto the couch in a giant hug. "I love you too for doing all this," she told her as she nuzzled her stomach. Quinn giggled. "Save it for Santana!" she squealed as she tried to push Brittany's head away from her.

"You called?" Santana appeared by their side almost a second later. Quinn rolled her eyes. "Oh my _god, no," _she sighed as she finally pried Brittany off of her and onto Sugar, who had also walked by. Santana stuck out her tongue and then coaxed Sugar and Brittany to get something to eat.

They all ate dinner, and then they watched some of the old videos of their performances which Rachel had brought along. They all shrilled with laughter at almost all of them, and they all held each other. They really were just one giant family.

"We're going to do this again," Mercedes yelled out. "Soon, guys, okay?" Everyone nodded eagerly. It seemed so much better when Santana was here because they felt more complete. Everyone was glad that Santana and Brittany were happy again, no matter how fast it had happened.

A few hours later, everyone lay around, too content and full to do any more. Santana nestled herself into Brittany's soft shirt and Brittany placed her hand delicately around her chest, dragging her finger gingerly along Santana's collarbones.

"Did you plan this?" she asked and Santana smiled, somewhat shy. "Yeah," she said. Kurt, who lay next to Blaine and Mercedes near her, made a snorting sound. "With Kurt's help, of course," she added, making a snorting sound in reply. Brittany wrapped both arms around Santana and kissed her on her forehead. "You're the best girlfriend ever," she whispered.

* * *

**Just crash, fall down, I'll wrap my arms around you now.**  
**Just crash, it's our time now to make this work second time around.**

"Are you actually crying?" Quinn teased. It was now almost midnight and Quinn's flight would take off in about half an hour. They had already said goodbye to everyone else. Puck had gone back to Lima to visit his family for awhile, Emma and Mr. Schue had gone with him. Mercedes had gone back to her home in LA, and Mike and Tina had returned to California. Now it was just Quinn, and the New Yorkers, including Artie, to go.

"Shut it, Fabray," Santana said, rolling her eyes in an attempt to quench the tears. "I'm just thinking about how much I'm going to miss your annoying voice."  
Now it was Quinn's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh, come on, Santana, just admit that you're going to miss all of me."

Santana shrugged nonchalantly. "I would, but then I'd be lying."  
Quinn looked at her exasperated and Rachel laughed. "Quit it, you two. We're all going to miss you Quinn. You're so far away at Yale. We all wish you were closer."

"Not me," Santana muttered and Brittany playfully punched her shoulder. Quinn stuck her tongue out at her.  
"I'm kidding, Q, of course we're going to miss you," Santana let go of Brittany's hand and pulled Quinn in for a surprise hug.  
"That's better," the blonde said smugly as she hugged Santana back.

"You won't miss me for long," Quinn added as she let go of Santana and pulled Rachel in for a hug. She gave Kurt and Blaine a kiss on the cheek as well as she bid them goodbye.  
"Please tell me that that does not mean you're going to randomly show up on our doorstep," Santana fake groaned. "I'm all for it if Brittany does it, but I probably won't get the same kind of delight if you do it."

"Oh, _Santana," _Rachel chastised. "Stop with the jokes. You're welcome on our doorstep any time, Quinn. You know that."

Quinn stuck her tongue out at Santana again. "You guys are so childish," Brittany commented, earning herself glares from both her girlfriend and Quinn.  
"Like you can talk," Blaine joked. "Look at your t-shirt."  
Everyone turned to look at Brittany's t-shirt which had a cartoon rabbit on it. Brittany crossed her arms self-consciously but smiled when she felt Santana give her a peck on the cheek and Quinn wrapped her arms around her waist and gave her a tight hug.

"I mean that we should have another Glee reunion more than twice a year," Quinn said as the speakers announced that her flight was now boarding. "Now that Santana actually shows up."  
Santana shot her a dirty look. "I definitely agree," Artie piped up. "I only live in Brooklyn and I never see you New York, New York snobs. I miss you guys."

"Aw Artie," Quinn cooed as she gave him a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. "Don't worry, we'll all plan something and catch up soon!" She paused, looking towards where the people were checking plane tickets. "I better go."

Everyone murmured their last goodbyes and they watched as Quinn turned around and began to board her flight. "Our flights next," Artie announced, wheeling himself towards their terminal. Santana gripped Brittany's hand tighter and both of them walked along studiously as if they were both marching to their deaths.

* * *

**We grew up, we worked and changed our ways.**  
**Just like wildfire, been burning now for days.**

"So this is it," Santana whispered to Brittany. She wished they were somewhere more private but there was nowhere else for them to go. They stood in front of dozens of people in front of the boarding walkway. Sam, Rachel, Kurt, Blaine and Artie stood close to the boarding gate, allowing the two too say goodbye.

"Yeah," Brittany said, nodding. "This is 'it', not goodbye, just 'it'."  
Santana managed a little laugh although she felt like her insides were cracking. Brittany sniffled, the rims of her eyes almost as red as her sunburnt cheeks. Santana wondered if Brittany had noticed her sunburn yet. She kissed the tip of Brittany's cheekbone softly, avoiding the warm blush of her cheeks.

"I'm going to come back in a few weeks," she told Brittany. "Don't miss me too much, okay?"  
Brittany sniffled again. "You know I will."  
"Don't cry," Santana begged. "If you cry, I'll cry, and then we'll both look like massive sooks."  
Brittany let out a small laugh. "Okay," she said and tried to hold back her tears. She didn't want Santana to cry. "Remember, this isn't goodbye."

"Santana, we have to go," Rachel called, waving her boarding passes in the air as she headed to the flight attendant. "Okay," Santana took one giant breath and kissed Brittany on the lips. Brittany kissed her back, hard. "Just so you remember I'm still here," Brittany said seriously. Santana rested her face against Brittany's for one more moment. "I'm never going to forget silly."

She forced herself to let go of Brittany, reminding herself that she'd be back in a few weeks. She didn't turn around though, she walked backwards the entire way to the boarding gate. Brittany giggled the whole way and even Sam was smiling warmly at her as she left. She waved one last time and then eventually turned around and followed Rachel onto the plane. "You'll see her soon," Rachel said confidently. "I know it."  
She smiled back at Rachel. "Yeah," she said softly. "I will."

* * *

**Tearing down those walls, nothing's in our way.**  
**I said, nothing's in our way.**

Brittany looked up as Santana's plane took off. "Are you going to be okay?" Sam asked her, wrapping one arm around Brittany and holding her close.  
"Yeah," she said. "I think I'll be alright."  
"That's good," Sam replied and the two of them looked up into the night sky. Brittany sighed and she reached into her pocket, where one long slip of paper lay folded.

She ran her thumb over the words that were printed on the slip of paper, knowing exactly what they said without seeing them.

_FLIGHT 1637 TO NEW_ _YORK._

It was her ticket to see Santana.

* * *

AN: Hope you guys liked it :) Sorry a bit for the time jumps if they were confusing. I'm also aiming to get one chapter out a week until my exam period is over so yeah, thank you to all my new followers and those who favourited/reviewed, you guys are awesome :)


	13. somewhere there's a love in flames

Santana let the warm water fall from the shower-head onto her bare chest. She dipped her head, feeling her tense muscles loosen up. For the past two days that she had been back, her schedule had literally only consisted of waking up at seven in the morning, going to work as a receptionist at Amber's Law Firm in the middle of New York at eight, working through the day until twelve in the afternoon, to which she'd go home for an hour to have lunch, then at one o'clock she had NYADA classes until seven at night, to which she had fifteen minutes to rush to the Spotlight Diner, where she wouldn't finish her shift until three in the morning.

So basically, these past two days had been hell, and that wasn't even factoring the basis that Brittany wasn't here with her.

She stepped out and wrapped a white towel around her lithe body before she went to step out of the bathroom. She usually got dressed in her room since it was easier than getting dressed in the small cramped bathroom. The first time she had walked out in nothing but a towel, Kurt had just shrugged. He couldn't care less, but Rachel had lost her shit, as if Santana had been naked. But after time had passed, Rachel had gotten used to Santana's near-nudity and now only chastised her for dripping water over the floorboards because Santana never bothered to dry herself before she exited the bathroom.

She tip-toed into the hall, feeling drops of water fall onto the floor. Rachel would go apeshit soon, but Santana could deal with that later. Today, she fully intended to enjoy her day off before her life became hectic again.

"So how was Massachusetts?" Santana heard a familiar voice that belonged to Rachel's birth mother, Shelby. Shelby's appearance in their New York apartment was not a rare one; she stopped by at least once a fortnight because she wanted to have a connection with her biological child. Santana assumed it was because they literally looked the exact same; albeit their age. It weirded her out sometimes to look at both of them, because every time she saw Shelby, it was like looking at a forty year old Rachel, and that was weirder than weird.

She walked out of her room once she was fully dressed and almost tripped over a small figure who was reading a book right by the entrance of the hallway.  
"Augh!" Santana gurgled, grabbing the rim of the door to stop herself from falling. The small figure let out a squeak and everyone else simultaneously yelled, "Beth, are you okay?"

"She'll be fine," Shelby smiled. Santana looked at her sheepishly and then looked down at the curly blonde who was now sitting more appropriately against the kitchen wall. "Sorry, kiddo," she said, ruffling her hair, making the large blue bow that tied it together unravel. "Santana!" the girl squealed again and reached up to try and fix her hair. Santana let out a small laugh and helped fix it for her.

She knew she probably shouldn't, because she didn't want to purposely offend Shelby, but it was hard not to draw comparisons between the now five-year old Beth and Quinn. She was so alike Quinn when they were younger, though happier it seemed. Alike as they were, Santana was relieved that Beth didn't have Quinn's consistent strive for perfection in everything she did. Santana and Quinn had been best friends ever since they were two, and Quinn had always been like that.

Either way, it didn't matter. Beth was happy, Quinn was happy, Shelby was happy, and Puck was happy. And if they were happy, then they weren't whining, which made Santana happy. She looked at Beth fondly again. Santana had never really liked kids, they were always loud and screaming and crying and dirty. They were never appealing to her, but when Lillian had finally come around to like Santana, Santana had realised not all kids were terrible little monsters. She wondered if Lillian still looked the same. How old would she be now?

Around twelve. Almost a teenager. She wondered if she still looked as much like Brittany as she had when she was a child. She shook her head, trying not to think of Brittany. She missed her so much that it was becoming unbearable. She had always been out of Santana's reach, and now that Santana had finally been able to grab her, she was gone again.

"I'm going to the park," she announced. "Which one?" Rachel asked. "Ooh, Santana, may I please come?" Beth looked up at her with her big brown eyes. They were flecked with green sparks and it made Santana think of the trees blowing gently in the wind when she was with Brittany.

"Oh, sweetie, not this time," Shelby said. "Maybe next time. You and I need to go to Barney's to buy you some new clothes for your friends party next week, remember?"  
"Oh yeah!" Beth piped up. "Okay, next time then," she nodded to herself. Santana smiled, then turned to Rachel. "Just the one near here," she said, referring to the park near her work. "Alright," Rachel said. "Be safe."  
Santana rolled her eyes. It was as if Rachel was her mother. She nodded goodbye to Shelby, deciding that that was enough and she didn't need to say goodbye to Rachel since they were basically the same person, just with an age difference. She waved goodbye to Beth and made her way out the door.

It was a nice day, a little chilly and there were small grey clouds in the sky, but there was no wind and Santana could tell that the weather would clear up later. She made the long walk to the park and then sat down at the bench that she always sat at when she wanted to think deeply about stuff. It was a nice place, she was able to see the hustle and bustle of New York without actually being in the middle of it. A couple walked past, pushing a stroller, and two men walked by holdings hands. Santana swung her legs and decided to just enjoy the peace and quiet of today for as long as it lasted.

Which apparently wasn't long.

"Santana? Is that you?"

Santana opened her eyes, frowning. Who was disturbing her now? She craned her head towards the voice though she realised she knew who it was before she even saw them.

"Dani?"

* * *

Brittany stepped gingerly off the plane, wishing that her duffel bag had shoulder straps, because honestly, what was the point of carrying a massive bag by the handles? Didn't the designer think of that in advance?

She rolled her eyes to herself as she was instantly hit by the warm New York breeze which was a heavy contrast to the icy chills of the plane cabin. The temperature soon evened itself out as she stepped into the airport itself. She stepped out into the walkway where people were going left, right and centre in a frenzy to get out of the airport, but Brittany felt relieved as she took her small steps along to her luggage collection because every step she took, was a closer one to Santana.

She managed to collect her luggage without any hassles. A man in his middle-thirties maybe did try to hit on her; but she politely declined and told him she had a girlfriend. She waited by the taxi rank which was chock-full of people, there was going to be a very long waiting time. She looked at her watch, it was only ten in the morning, and if Santana's schedule was really as busy as it had claimed to be over Skype the past night, then she'd probably still be asleep anyway.

"Brittany, Brittany, over here!" a loud familiar voice rang out. It was so loud a bunch of random people turned around even though they had no idea who owned the voice. Brittany side-glanced them shyly as she saw Rachel sticking her head out of a taxi that was driving towards them. She was waving her hand around frantically and the driver looked pissed off. He turned to her and assumably told her to stick her head back inside because she quickly complied too; but not after she screamed Brittany's name a few more times.

Brittany quickly ran out onto the road, throwing her suitcase, duffel and shoulder bag into the back seat as she clambered on top of Rachel. "Rach!" she said enthusiastically and draped the smaller girl in a hug. Rachel laughed and then pushed Brittany off her.

"Seatbelts," the cab driver mumbled, irritated. He honked at another taxi who had cut in suddenly on the road. Brittany and Rachel exchanged a look and they giggled, and Brittany quickly wiggled herself into the seat as she put her seatbelt on.

"You didn't tell Santana did you? That I'm coming?" Brittany's eyes crinkled at the thought of surprising her girlfriend. Rachel shook her head, an offended look coming across her face. "Of course not, I'm good at keeping secrets!" she said a little too indignantly. Brittany nodded her head up and down dramatically. Rachel was the only person she had told that she was coming down, well, she'd had too. She decided it was rude to drop in on them unexpected and then allow her to stay with them, so she'd called Rachel as soon as she knew that they'd landed safely. "She just took a morning stroll, so when she gets back to the apartment, you'll be there! Good surprise huh?"

Brittany smiled dreamily. "Yeah. Hey listen, not to be rude or anything but are you going to be home when Santana gets back because I think I want too-"

Rachel cut her off with a squeal. "If it's dirty don't say it! And luckily for you, I suppose, I have dance class at twelve, so you guys are free to do whatever," Rachel grimaced slightly. "Just try not too..." she trailed off, deciding not to say the rest. Brittany gave her a toothy grin in reply.

* * *

"Wow this is so cool!" Brittany stared in awe at their loft. It was nothing like hers; and that wasn't in a bad way. The loft looked so free and unconfined, there were no specific rooms, just rooms created by hanging bedsheets from the ceiling, which made it look really spacious, unlike her apartment where everything was forced to go where it had too, since there was a designated space for the kitchen, lounge room, all the bedrooms, everything.

"Glad you like it," Rachel beamed. "We're all really proud of it."  
Brittany nodded, glancing up at the clock that hung above the sink. It was just past eleven. She'd kind of hoped that Santana would be there when she came back. "Where's Kurt?"  
"Staying with Blaine in his dorm for a couple of nights," Rachel whisked herself behind a barrage of curtains that Brittany assumed was her room. "We can visit them if you like."

"Okay," Brittany said simply, following Rachel as she opened a partition near the back corner of the loft. "This is Santana's room," she cleared her throat rather awkwardly. "I assume you two will stay together? You could sleep in Kurt's room or on the couch if that's more preferable, however, sorry we don't have a guest room like you did."

"No, this is great," Brittany's blue eyes widened as she looked around Santana's room. She wanted to explore every single inch of it and run her hand down Santana's things in an effort to learn about who the person that Santana had become, but she couldn't with Rachel there, so she merely placed her luggage on an empty space on the floor and followed Rachel back out.

"I have to get ready for class," Rachel said, glancing at the clock. "Make yourself at home, you can eat anything in the fridge. I suppose Santana should be home soon, there's not much to do in that park of hers."

"Okay," Brittany said, sitting down on the dining table, staring at the door, wishing it would open and Santana would appear.

But it didn't, and still didn't an hour later.

"Hey, I have to go to class now," Rachel shrugged a small duffel over her shoulder. "I don't want to leave you here alone though, because you look really bored. Do you want to come with me?"

Brittany kind of did. She wanted to see a dance class, because dancing was one of her favourite things, but she also really wanted to see Santana, and the latter won. "Next time definitely," she said. "But where's Santana?"

Rachel couldn't help smiling. Brittany sounded like a small child looking for her mother. "She's in the park near her work, I think, if she's still there after all this time. I can drop you off there but she might not be there and I don't want to leave you there alone.."

Brittany grinned. "I'm twenty one, Rachel, I'm not a baby, it's fine to leave me alone places, unless it's like a dark alley or something in which I.."

"I promise not to leave you in any dark alleys, Brittany," Rachel said a little too sincerely. She grabbed her keys off the rabbit-shaped brass hook that hung next to their door. It had been a present from Quinn and looking at the cute rabbits cheered Rachel up each morning. She swung her duffel bag over her shoulder and looked expectantly at Brittany. "Shall we go, then?"

Brittany hopped up and followed Rachel like a baby duckling out of their building. She inhaled the air and decided that it tasted different, but it wasn't a bad difference, she liked it. She smiled, wondering if one day she would call this amazing city home. She saw Rachel down the street and quickly started skipping to catch up to her, they walked for another ten minutes until Brittany saw a small lush park, similar to the one that was near her own apartment back at Massachusetts and smiled. "You remember the way back, right?" Rachel asked. She saw someone in the park with long black hair and assumed it was Santana, however, she still had to make sure Brittany was safe.

Brittany did not, but she replied in a bubbly voice with a "Yes!"

Rachel looked at her doubtfully and handed Brittany a piece of paper. "Here's my cell number. Call me," she said warningly. "I'll get really worried if you don't."

Brittany nodded obediently and then watched Rachel as she walked away slowly and then waited for her bus by the bus stop. Brittany wandered into the park confidently and saw someone who might have been Santana from the back, but definitely was not her from the front. She continued walking until she reached a playground, and unfortunately for her, Santana wasn't on it or anywhere near it, which made Brittany sad because her park back home didn't have a playground and she really wanted to play on one.

She walked on and sucked in a sigh of relief as she instantly noticed Santana's dark hair fall over a red bench chair. She inched closer only to notice that she was talking to the other person on the bench; another girl. Brittany decided not think anything of it and she walked slower, hoping that whoever Santana was talking too would go away so she could surprise her.

* * *

"How are you?" Santana tried to muster up all the enthusiasm she had but she found it hard. She had loved Dani; they had dated for awhile, but when the relationship mutually ended, she got over it like a normal break up. A lot of ice-cream, a lot of crying, a lot of singing, or more so listening to Rachel sing sappy love songs, and then some more ice-cream. It had never been like that with Brittany, when they were over, Santana had sunk into a silence so deep she wondered how she had ever gotten out of it.

Dani sat next to her on the bench. "Yeah good, how are you? I haven't seen you for awhile." Dani still looked the same, though her hair was now mostly blonde and Santana could barely see her dark roots. Santana wondered what she was doing here, she'd never shown Dani this park. She narrowed her eyes somewhat suspiciously.

"Yeah same, I suppose," Santana tilted her chin. She didn't particularly feel awkward, but she didn't particularly want to involve herself in conversation when she was a) thinking about Brittany and b) pretty much still 85% asleep.

The two sat in an awkward silence for awhile. "Sorry," Dani suddenly breathed out. Santana turned to look at her through sleepy eyes. "For what?"

"I just," Dani shook a little and Santana hesitantly put her hand out on Dani's back to steady her. "Me and my girlfriend just broke up. She lives around the corner, and that's why I'm here and I just-"

She began to cry and sympathy rose from the back of Santana's sleep-depraved mind. She leaned over and hugged the other girl, and Dani rested her head in the crook of Santana's neck. "Sorry," she blubbered. "I was just so happy when I saw a familiar face that I-"

"It's alright," Santana stroked her hair out of her face, though she sort of wished that Dani wasn't leaning into her. It felt intimate. "Just let it out," she said soothingly. "It'll be okay."

Dani nodded against her and began to cry. Santana sighed mentally and stared out into the trees. Well, it's not like she had anything better to do on her Wednesday morning day off anyway. About fifteen minutes later, Dani retracted herself, much to Santana's relief and stared at the ground. "She cheated," she said simply. Santana frowned. "What a dick," she exclaimed, then wondered if that was too soon. "You deserve someone better."

Dani was silent for a few minutes. "Yeah," she said softly. "I do, don't I?"

Santana nodded slowly in agreement and watched a couple of kids run and jump around the playground. Once again, she thought of Brittany and her lips curled up into a smile. Dani cleared her throat next to her.

Santana looked at her, wondering why Dani was staring at her like that, when suddenly Dani leaned forward and Santana felt warm lips against her own. She automatically jumped back and looked at Dani half in surprise and half in horror. Dani moved her palm to cover her mouth, suddenly realising that maybe that smile that Santana had on her face wasn't because of her. "Oh my god, I am so sorry, I have no idea why I did that."

"Santana!?"

Santana forced herself to look away from Dani and to turn around.

At first Santana thought she was dreaming, because she would recognise that voice anywhere, enough to know that it was Brittany's, but what was it doing in her park in New York?

She whipped around, wondering if this actually was a dream, when she saw Brittany standing there, looking absolutely horrified.

And she knew that Brittany had seen Dani kiss her.

"Britt!" she yelled, leaping off the bench. She could hear Dani murmuring in regret behind her but she didn't care. She wrapped her arms around the blonde, joy overriding the surprise and horror she had just felt, but Brittany wriggled out of her grip.

"What the hell!?" Brittany said, her gaze shifting between Santana and Dani. She was still in a state of shock. What did she just see?

She took mild comfort in the fact that she knew this other girl was the one who made the move on Santana, and that Santana had retracted herself instantly, but she was still angry. She hated seeing someone else's lips on Santana's.

"I can explain," Santana began when Dani came up. "I'm Dani," she said to Brittany. Santana felt the urge to push her into the nearest tree but decided to restrain herself. Brittany grunted in reply. "Look it's my fault," Dani said, completely ignoring the death stare that she could feel Santana giving her. "I don't know what came over me, and I apologise, to both of you."

The three girls stood in silence. All of Santana's attention was focused on Brittany, waiting patiently for her reaction, but Brittany wasn't particularly sure what to do now. She looked up at the sky awkwardly. She didn't want to say that it was 'alright' to this girl she didn't even know, because it wasn't, and also, she remembered the name. This was the girl that had Santana when she hadn't, and that irritated her more. She wanted to half embrace Santana but she also wanted to know what they had been talking about for her to induce a kiss.

Had they been discussing their past relationship? What had brought it on?

She opened her mouth to ask but Santana had turned away. She had no idea how to diffuse this situation. She could explain to Brittany that Dani had just kissed her, which was the truth, but she also knew that Dani was probably fragile at the moment since she had literally just gone through a break-up, and she didn't particularly want to upset her further.

Dani looked between the two of them, wondering if the blonde in front of her was possibly _her. _Santana's first love. She did look familiar but Dani had thought that that was long over. Perhaps Santana had just found someone that looked like her?

Brittany just didn't know. She looked up at the trees and wished she has a bird.

"I'm going," Santana broke through the silence. She turned to Brittany. "Are you coming?"

Brittany ripped her gaze from the trees to Santana's face. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it again because she didn't particularly know what to say. Santana watched her and out of nowhere, fear stuck her heart.

"Fine," she suddenly snapped. She turned around on her heels and began to walk away, fast, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Her head had still yet to wrap around what had happened. Why was Brittany here and why did she have to see that? Fuck. She wasn't going to go back to the loft, not like this, she had one destination in mind and that was where she was going to stay until someone else did something to fix this mess that she wasn't entirely sure how she had gotten herself into.

* * *

"I hope I'm not disturbing you," Brittany covered the mouthpiece with her hand as she stared at Dani, who for some reason was still standing with her as if they knew each other. "Not at all, my dance class is only forty-five minutes," Rachel said. "Aren't you glad I gave you my number, Brittany?"

Brittany sighed. "Yes," was all she said.

"Okay, so stay there and I'll come meet you," Rachel's voice took on a slightly bossy edge over the phone. She heard Brittany thank her and she couldn't help rolling her eyes as she got back on the bus to take her back to Brittany. You'd think that after all this time, Santana would mature and not have tantrums, whatever the situation, but nope she was still exactly the same.

Brittany hung up on Rachel and tried to avoid Dani's eye contact but it was hard when she could feel her penetrating stare bore into her.

"You're her, right? Brittany?"

Brittany didn't particularly know what that was supposed to mean. "Yeah," she said, the surprise hard to conceal in her voice. "How'd you know my name?"

Dani shrugged nonchalantly and for the first time Brittany noticed that her eyes were red. She wondered what Dani had been crying about.  
"Santana used to talk about you a lot," Dani's voice didn't give away what she was feeling so Brittany nodded mutely, wishing that Dani would go away. She didn't know the girl but she already somewhat disliked her, not because of anything she did, but because it seemed to be a natural response when meeting another's exes.

"Do you know who I am?"

Brittany wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean either, and she wished that Rachel's bus driver was a crazy lunatic speeder and she would be here in the next two seconds so save her from whatever Dani was going to start talking about.

"Demi was your name, right?"

"Dani," the girl corrected and narrowed her eyes. Brittany shrugged nonchalantly. She knew it was Dani, but she didn't want the other girl to know that she was as interested in this conversation as much as she was pretending not to be.

"I dated Santana after you."

Where the hell was Rachel and why wasn't Dani going away?

"Cool." What else was she supposed to say?

Dani let out a giant sigh. "I guess I just-"

"Brittany!"

Brittany thanked the heavens and everything else in the world as Rachel interrupted the conversation and sprinted towards her. She looked at Dani and looked at her with wide eyes before enveloping the other girl in a giant hug. "Dani! I haven't seen you around for ages, well given, since you and Santana broke up."

Her sentence hung in the air for awhile until she realised the awkward tension that was radiating between both girls. "Do you guys know each other?" she looked from Dani to Brittany, confused.

"No," they said in unison. "Santana's disappeared somewhere," Brittany cut Dani off as she was about to say something. "I don't think she went back to the apartment, either."

"I can check," Dani offered. "I still remember how to-"

"No," Brittany cut off. "I don't think she would have gone back. She had that look in her eyes which meant she wanted to be alone. She wouldn't go somewhere as obvious as the loft."

For the first time Dani looked somewhat annoyed, and she mumbled something under her breath but Brittany couldn't catch it.

"She looked like she wanted to be alone?" Rachel echoed. Brittany nodded. Rachel grabbed her wrist and turned to Dani. "Let's catch up soon, okay?" Dani looked at Brittany quite smugly before she nodded. Brittany turned around and pulled a face behind her back. "I know where she probably is," Rachel said as she dragged her down to the bus stop where she had been a few minutes earlier.

"Where?" Brittany finally asked as the bus conveniently arrived a moment later and Rachel beckoned her to get on it. Rachel kind of rolled her eyes to the side and let out a simultaneous sigh. "You'll see."

Both girls eventually stood outside a bar. Brittany looked at it doubtfully. "She's in here? It looks really..sleazy."

Rachel shrugged. "It's a hunch, but she probably is," Rachel walked inside and Brittany followed. As soon as they were inside, a burly man with a strange moustache approached them. Brittany felt the urge to reach out and touch it; so she did. Rachel looked at her horrified. "It's so..weird," she whispered in awe and Rachel dragged her away by the wrist until they reached the bar, where sure enough, Santana sat. Her head was rested in her palm and a boy to the left was running his fingers along her arm.

Brittany cut between them and the boy shot her an annoyed look. "If you don't go away, I'll eat you," she told the boy in a way that made out that she was not joking at all and she was a hundred percent serious. She even bared her teeth a little. The boy shot her an apprehensive look but decided to leave anyway. Santana turned around and she was so red that Brittany knew no reason would get to her because she was too drunk. Rachel cut in between them and tried to tug Santana off the bench.

"Hey hun, we're going home now," she told Santana gently. Brittany wondered if she'd ever seen Rachel and Santana interact like that, then decided she hadn't.

"Nope, nope," Santana swatted them both away with the palm of her hand. "I'm having fun here. You're such a funwrecker, Berry."

Rachel frowned. All she'd heard was, 'Uwahfwumheree, wor sutchahhh funwreckaaah, Bewwy."

"Alright, let's go," she tried to grab Santana around the waist with the intention of lifting her off the bar stool, but Santana flinched so violently that Rachel released her in surprise. "Let me try," Brittany cut in softly, snaking her arms around Santana's waist and guiding her off it. Rachel couldn't help but roll her eyes at Santana's utter lack of defence when she had felt Brittany's touch.  
"Really?" she said to the drunk Santana who didn't even notice.

"You're hot when you're mad," Santana told Brittany, who didn't even look mad, and lifted her left hand and flicked Brittany on the nose. She giggled. Brittany tried her hardest to look stern but she was fighting back a laugh too.

"I'm not mad, I'm furious," she told Santana, whose mouth made an 'o' shape. "I'll be even madder if you don't get into the taxi over there with us without complaining."  
Santana nodded mutely in response, placing her finger to her lips to signal to both of them that she wouldn't complain. She wouldn't say a word. Rachel let out a deep sigh as she slammed the taxi door behind them and gave the driver their address.

Brittany looked over at Rachel in the dark light of the taxi as she held Santana steady against her. She seemed exasperated but not entirely concerned.

"Has Santana done this before?" Brittany's forehead creased. She knew Santana could be a bit of an..alcoholic. She assumed when they were teenagers that Santana just drank a lot, and at every opportunity, because she just wanted to look cool, but as time went on she began to wonder if Santana didn't have as much courage as everyone else thought she did and the alcohol was where she was getting it from. However Santana getting drunk at a bar _by herself _without letting anyone know where she was or what time she'd get home, if she was even planning on going home, seemed a bit over the line.

Rachel shrugged. "Yeah, she used to do this heaps. Not recently though, like, in the past year. She did it mostly when she first moved to New York, but me and Kurt had an intervention and then she stopped entirely when she met Dani."

The name hung in the air awkwardly and Rachel bit down on her gum. She hadn't meant to bring up Dani again. "Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to bring her up."

"That's alright," Brittany said, exhaling a breath of air and being mildly surprised when a puff of smoke came from it. She didn't realise it had gotten so cold. She wondered if Santana did this to forget about her, because she sure as hell used to do the same thing after Santana had left her at Lima.  
Santana and her were more alike than she had realised. "I'm glad she helped Santana."

"Yeah," was all Rachel said for the rest of the trip. They wordlessly helped Santana trudge up the stairs and decided to just leave her on the couch, where she had completely passed out. "I'll clean her up for the night," Brittany said. "You can go to bed, you look really tired."

Rachel smiled choppily at Brittany. The dark circles under her eyes were emphasised by the light coming from the lampshade. "Thanks," she said. "I have a rehearsal for a play tomorrow and I really need this sleep." Brittany smiled back at her in return and murmured a 'thanks'.

After she heard Rachel's bedroom partition close she looked at Santana, who had rolled herself into a small ball. She tapped Santana's forearm but the girl didn't respond. She grabbed Santana's waist and the girl woke up slowly. "I'm moving you to your room," Brittany told her. "All you have to do is move your legs and I'll guide your body." Santana murmured something in response and for a minute Brittany wasn't sure she had understood, but a few minutes later Santana was once again sprawled out onto her bed. She quickly got herself ready for bed, and then changed Santana. She wasn't sure if she should sleep on the couch or on Santana's bed, but she realised she was too tired to move to the couch, and she didn't particularly think that Santana would object to waking up next to her.

She decided that even if Santana didn't find that preferable, Brittany's reason to be madder at Santana would probably override that anyway. Santana lay on the left side of her bed and Brittany stared at her, finding herself realising that she wasn't angry at Santana at all. Santana had done the right thing, she had pushed Dani away straight away and the entire thing had just been bad timing.

Brittany snuggled further into the pillow, her lips curling into a smile as she inhaled Santana's familiar scent. All would be well when they woke up in the morning.

All would be well.

* * *

"Let go, you're holding me too tight," Brittany tried to say, though it came out as a half mumble as she was still very much asleep and her mouth was crushed up against the pillow. Her arms uselessly tried to bat Santana's own away from the iron grip she had on her waist, but it was too no avail.

Santana, very hungover and also very guilty, grunted in reply. She smushed her face further into Brittany's side as if she were trying to melt herself into her. Brittany mumbled something unintelligible again before she blinked her pale blue eyes open. "Santana, _get off."_

Santana slowly unwrapped herself from Brittany and then sat back upwards in her bed. "I'm sorry," she said instantly. She wanted to reach out and grab Brittany but Brittany was now sitting up at the other end of the bed, looking at Santana as if she were thoroughly annoyed, and she probably was. Santana's heart was in her throat. What if Brittany decided that getting back together had been a rash, spur-of-the-moment decision? A decision that was now proving to be wrong?

She swallowed hard. Why had Dani of all people had to be the one who was at that park yesterday? Why had she tried to kiss her? She had to stop thinking though, because it was hurting her head.

"For?" Brittany pushed her, gritting her teeth. Deep down, she was too happy to actually be too pissed at Santana. After all, she'd attempted to go through all this effort to make Santana happy, but it seemed like that wasn't happening. She knew it wasn't really Santana's fault that Dani had kissed her, but still, it hurt inside knowing that that was what Santana had been doing of her own free will for the few years that Brittany hadn't been there.

The two exchanged a glance and Santana wondered if Brittany knew that she thought she was the one, and if it had been up to her, all of those years ago, they never would have spent it apart.

"For..kissing Dani. I didn't mean it. She was upset and then she just leaned forward and kissed me and I swear it meant nothing I would never do that to you I love you so much please Brittany you have to believe me."

Brittany blinked. Santana had started off unsure of what too say, but then once she had started, it had just come streaming out. Brittany had heard parts of it but she sat for a minute in silence and she tried to process the rest of it. Santana had clamped her mouth shut, realising that she had spoke too fast for Brittany, but also too embarrassed to repeat what she had said slowly, so she waited in an agonising anticipation for Brittany's reaction.

"Okay," Brittany drawled out slowly, rubbing her temple with her forefinger. She lay back on the bed and allowed her body to sink into Santana's soft mattress. She patted her stomach and beckoned to Santana. "Come here."

Like a small child, or a puppy, Santana obediently crawled over and lay her head down on Brittany's stomach. Brittany ran her fingers through Santana's hair and said one simple sentence. "You ruined my surprise."

Santana craned her neck upwards until she was staring at Brittany, still unsure of whether Brittany was angry or not. She still found it hard to believe that the blonde of her dreams was tangled up in her bedsheets like the way she had wished for it to be all those years ago. She felt terrible about leaving Brittany behind. She had thought she had done it for Brittany but maybe she had done it for herself. She regretted the past three years without Brittany so badly that she knew she would break if Brittany decided that continuing their relationship wasn't the right choice.

She had waited so long for this moment of their reunification, unsure if it would actually ever occur. She had otherwise been too cowardice to pursue her alone, too devastated at the thought of what another round of rejection from the love of her life would do to her.  
But now she'd gotten a second chance, one she wasn't too sure she deserved, and the very last thing she ever wanted to do was to fuck it up.  
"I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely. She wanted to say more but she wasn't sure she could.

"Mmm," Brittany hummed in reply. She twirled Santana's dark locks in her long fingers and then let them fall back onto Santana's shoulder. "I came here because I knew I would miss you too much, you know?"

"I know," Santana said in the same quiet tone. "I missed you too. For the two days that you weren't here."  
Brittany didn't reply straightaway so Santana straightened herself up and slowly moved until her and Brittany were almost nose to nose. "I missed out on three years with you," she said softly. "Three years that could've spared me all this heartache and longing. Three years is a long time, Brittany, and I never want to go without you again."

Brittany's long lashes fell over her eyes as she looked coyly at Santana. It had been three years since they had broken up, and in those three years Brittany had learnt a lot about life.  
When she was with Santana, she needed to be loved to the utmost by her. She wanted Santana to care for no other significant person except for herself. She wanted Santana to remain solely hers.

She wanted Santana to accept everything about her, every single part of who she was. She always felt safe and protected when she was with her, because Santana was like a raging fire, and Brittany the calm settled snow.

But then Santana had disappeared, and Brittany had been forced to create a life on her own. She could never really remember a time before Santana, because when Santana had suddenly been thrown into Brittany's life, it was all Brittany had ever wanted, and she had clung to Santana so desperately. Then she had gone. And it had hurt, it had hurt terribly. It had felt like someone had just torn recklessly through Brittany's skin and plunged their hand into her ribs and had taken out her heart and just held it out of her body. She could feel the hurt, but at the same time she had felt so disconnected to everything and everyone.

But as time passed, she'd grown. She'd become a woman that her mother and her sister were proud of. They would call her every week and tell her that. She also knew deep down that her father would be proud of his daughter for attending college, the top-ranked one in the world at that, and through her independence she had found herself.

She had always felt like she wasn't good enough for Santana. She was too weak, too bland, too confused about simple matters to keep up with Santana, but finding herself had changed that. She'd made herself into someone that Santana deserved. Someone who Santana _belonged with. _And she couldn't have done that without some time apart.

"I think," Brittany said slowly, wondering how she could summarise her thoughts into words. It was clear to Brittany that Santana had been in agony and guilt for those three years. She had moved on for a bit, sure, but the thought of Brittany had always nagged at the back of her mind. She touched Santana's arm gently. She wanted Santana to know that she wasn't angry with her for what she had done anymore. She had accepted it. It had helped her, and in turn, helped them when they were ready to be together.

"That the break was good," she said and Santana felt her heart turn to stone. Was Brittany suggesting that she liked their time apart and didn't want to be together anymore?

Brittany caught the wild look in Santana's eyes and quickly put her hand on Santana's shoulder. "Not like that," she whispered, as if she knew what Santana was thinking.  
"It was good because we grew as two different people. We were so young when we were in a relationship before, but now that we're adults, and that we're together again, I think that says something, you know Santana? Like, teenagers get into relationships all the time, all the hormones and what not. But now that we've chosen each other as adults, and not as teenagers changing into adults, that we're really supposed to be together. I believe that we really are, Santana."

Santana ran her hands up Brittany's bare arm slowly. She could hear Rachel banging pots and pans around in the kitchen but she ignored it. "Rachel used to tell me that the things we lose have a way of coming back to us, but she was wrong." Brittany looked at her quizzically. "You're the one who's right. I lost you but it's not the same person who came back," Santana let out a soft laugh. "You're so much wiser, Britt. And that's saying something if you were a genius before."

The two of them then exchanged a meaningful look. No more words had to be said. This relationship was new, it was fresh. It wasn't like a fruit that had died and then suddenly come back life, ripe as ever. It was the seed of that old fruit that had died, and it was blossoming into something beautiful, something new.

"I believe you owe me a tour of New York," Brittany said, gliding away from Santana and moving across the room to her suitcase where she took out the 'I heart New York' shirt that she had bought at the airport. Santana laughed. "Alright," she grinned. "Just let me get dressed."

* * *

"What's up, Britt?" Santana asked gently as Brittany walked a couple of centimetres behind her, wringing each hand in the other. Brittany looked up at Santana and then quickly caught up to her so that they walked on par. "I want to hold your hand," she said earnestly. Half the reason for that was because they were girlfriends, they were intimate, but the way that Santana walked a little faster and more confidently sort of made it seem like they weren't, as if Santana was a tour guide or something.

The other half of the reason was because there were so many people walking this way and that, that Brittany was sure that she would lose her if she wasn't connected to her somehow.

Santana smiled. "Sure," she said, and slowed her pace down as if she offered her hand to Brittany. Brittany enclosed her hand in Santana's, smiling warmly at her. She knew if both of them had remained in Lima for whatever reason, they would've never held hands like this on the street.

But this was New York. Brittany looked up, admiring the large skyscrapers, the large bulletin ads, the giant T.V's, everything. She'd been here before, of course, that one time when the Glee went to regionals in their second year, but it seemed so different now, many years later. Or maybe it was just because she and Santana were here together, _together _together, not just as friends.

"I'll show you Central Park first," Santana said. "Because I know you love parks."

"You love parks too," Brittany commented. She found it kind of strange that Santana liked parks, a place that offered peace and quiet, when Santana herself was the opposite. She thought Santana would be better suited to do her thinking and leisure time in a place like Times Square, one that provided a metaphorical time space of that of her mind.

"This is insane!" she squeaked as they entered the park from the Upper West Side part. They hadn't seen this part on their Glee club trip here.  
"How can this even be real?"

Santana smiled, as far as parks go, Central Park was definitely the most intense, but she also couldn't wait to show Brittany _her _park, without Dani being there of course. "What do you want to do first?" she asked. "We can just walk around, we can go fishing, we can walk through the Woodlands.."

"I want to find a playground to play on!" Brittany jumped up enthusiastically. "Come on, Santana! You walk too slow!"

Santana rolled her eyes but she laughed. She sprinted after Brittany, who was still unsurprisingly fast, to the wooden playground that was nearest to them.  
She almost balled over a couple of kids on the way and she hastily apologised to them as she ran up behind Brittany and wrapped her arms around her waist as Brittany tried to snake up the ladder. She let out a squeal. "Let go!" she giggled, and neither of them cared at all about how they were the only adults mucking around on the playground. In their world, there was nobody except them.

Santana looked into Brittany's eyes and wondered if she had ever been happier. She'd always known what true happiness was. It wasn't an abundance of money or material items; it was the feelings that Brittany made her feel when the two of them were at their happiest. "No," Santana had to work all of her arm muscles to keep her grip on Brittany, since the other girl was as agile as before and was quickly slipping out of Santana's grip. "San-tan-a-a-a," Brittany whined in a multitude of syllables as she realised she couldn't get out of the others girl grip. "Let go!"

To Brittany's surprise, Santana did let go, only to quickly jab her fingers into Brittany's side. She relentlessly began to tickle Brittany as she quickly wiggled herself up the ladder. She squealed with laughter and tried to bat Santana's fingers away as she clambered onto the platform, Santana quickly behind her. As soon as Santana reached the top, Brittany began to beg her to stop, though she was laughing and she had tears in her eyes. "Please," she begged. "I can't take it." Santana grinned evilly, but the two girls collapsed into each other, laughing on each others shoulders.

"Are you being mean?" a tiny, squeaky voice said above them. They looked up to find a small girl with shoulder-length brown hair and curious green eyes. She spoke directly to Santana. "No," Santana held her hand over her mouth to cover her laugh. The little girl put her hands on her hips and looked at Santana skeptically. She then turned to Brittany. "Is she being mean?"

Brittany giggled. "Yes," she said solemnly to the small girl. "She is."

The girl narrowed her eyes at Santana and Santana shot Brittany an amused look. Was she going to berate her for being 'mean' to Brittany?  
"Mickayla!" a voice yelled from below them. The small girl turned and stuck her thumb in her mouth. "I'm going," she mumbled to them. "But don't be mean, no more, k?" she frowned at Santana and puffed out her chest as if to appear threatening. Santana nodded with the same amount of seriousness on her face, and the girl decided that was enough. She turned around and embarked back towards her calling mother. "She was so cute," Brittany said almost wistfully. Santana looked at her critically. "I guess so?"

"I love kids," Brittany sighed as she climbed through another ladder, Santana's hand clasped firmly in her own in case she lost her within the crowd of small and big kids alike. Santana raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to impregnate you?" she teased, and was surprised when Brittany's grip became tighter. "I wish," was Brittany's response. Santana let out a sigh because she actually began to wish she could. A few heartbeats of silence made Santana realise something and she wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist as Brittany placed herself in her legs as they prepared to go down the big slide. She hugged her tightly and rested her head on Brittany's shoulder as they went down and landed on the ground on their hands and knees. They both laughed then stood up and dusted themselves off.

"You like kids, huh?" Santana said as they headed around to explore the other side of the playground. It was more of a rhetorical question that anything else since Brittany had already answered it, but Brittany had always had a knack for answering rhetorical questions, so she assumed this one would be no different.

Brittany nodded fervently. "I guess it's cause Lillian was great when she was little," she shrugged and hoisted herself up on a small rock climbing board. Her hair fell loftily in front of her face as she added, "I always wanted to have a family with you."

Santana's eyebrows furrowed and a surprised smile came over her face. She had always been the one in high school to assume that her and Brittany would get married but she never thought of a family. Brittany had always been the one that she thought she needed, nobody else, especially not a bunch of kids. She squinted her eyes thoughtfully. It was a nice feeling to think that Brittany wanted an entire _family _with her, it meant that Brittany's love was really as deep as hers. She followed Brittany up onto the next platform and kissed her cheek as she came up behind her. "One day," she said, and there was so much warmth in her voice that Brittany knew it was no mere sentence, it was a promise. She broke out into the widest smile yet.

* * *

Rachel leaned forward as she sat erect on the floor. She touched the tip of her toes with her hand, and then grasped the inner bit of her foot as she forced her back to lean in closer to her legs. Her thigh muscle began to hurt and she smiled, knowing she was stretching correctly.

Though she loved the Glee club immensely, she was happy to be home. There was a peaceful serenity to the house now that Santana and Brittany were out and Kurt was staying with Blaine in his NYU dorm a couple of days, and Rachel felt relieved that she was allowed to belt out her show tunes for a few hours without Santana throwing a book at her head or Kurt rolling his eyes.

She hummed softly to herself, "_I'm gonna paint you by numbers and colour you in, if things go right we can fra-"_

A loud knock at the door suddenly interrupted her singing. She stood up rather unsteadily, and began to lunge slowly towards the front door, wondering who it could possibly be. Brittany and Santana had left around two hours ago, there was no way that they could be back so soon. She peered through the keyhole and took a step back, frowning in curiosity as to why the person who stood outside their front door was, well, now standing there.

"Hello?" she said cautiously, wondering if her mind was playing tricks on her. "Hey," the familiar voice said sheepishly back. Rachel undid the latch on the door and unlocked it, then she opened it slowly.

"Quinn?"

* * *

AN: Songs for this chapter are 'Take My Breath Away' - (originally by Berlin) but I like Santana and Quinn's version of it more :) and 'Lego House' - Ed Sheeran

Just letting you guys know that I've also heavily edited the first, seventh, eighth and ninth chapters because I was so excited with this story that it was mostly dialogue and it wasn't proof-read. Now it's proof read and gives more insight into what the characters are thinking, just if anyone wanted to check them out (I promise to proof-read before publishing now) (:

I'm also sending virtual hugs to all you guys who favourited/followed/reviewed. I'm still not sure if I'm meant to reply individually to your reviews but I really really appreciate them! You guys rock!


	14. give the dog a bone

"Can we go to Times Square tomorrow? Ooh and FAO Schwarz, oh, oh and I want to go on the Ferris Wheel inside Toys R Us as well! Please Santana!" Brittany jumped up and down, excited at the thought of all the things they had yet to do.

Santana laughed, happiness coursing through every vein in her body, she felt free, exhilarated, a feeling she only felt with Brittany.  
"Of course, anything," Santana kissed Brittany on the cheek and Brittany gave her a lopsided grin in return.

Santana placed her arm around Brittany's waist as they walked along another park that was a 'shortcut' back to the loft, though Brittany suspected that Santana had now developed a thing for parks. Not that she was complaining, however, the place was deserted which meant..

Santana let out a surprised squeal as Brittany's lip quickly plunged against her own. Brittany smirked through their kiss and once Santana could feel it, she pressed her own mouth down on Brittany's firmly, gliding her free arm around to meet her other arm across Brittany's waist, pulling her closer.  
She stumbled back slightly, further into the park as they kept going until they hit the back of a tree.

"Santana! Look!" Brittany squealed suddenly. Santana froze, wondering what she'd done when suddenly she saw what Brittany had interrupted her for.

Down by the lake were about three boys that were probably around their mid-teens. One of the boys, in a blue shirt, held a white ball of fluff roughly by the scruff of the neck. He was shaking it visciously and it was yelping and trying to get out of the boys grasp. It pawed at the air helplessly.

Brittany clasped her hand around her mouth and Santana's eyebrows furrowed together. Another boy in a similar shirt was staring at the river, looking for something. He seemed to find it a few seconds later because when he emerged back into Santana's view, he was holding a long stick, which he banged against his hand menacingly.

The two girls seemed frozen to the spot, shocked at by what was suddenly transpiring before them. The boy holding the puppy held it out to his left side, stretching his arm to its full length.

The boy with the stick stood in front of him, smacking at the ground with the stick like you would a cricket bat. Santana tilted her head to the side, squinting her eyes together and wondering what he was going to do, when he suddenly lifted the stick and began to aim when..

"No!" Brittany suddenly screamed, dropping her backpack on the ground and literally sprinting towards the puppy. Santana pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a deep sigh.  
"Please god help me if something goes wrong," she muttered in prayer before she dashed after Brittany. "Brittany no!" she screamed, as the three boys turned around to look at them, unaware they had company.

All three narrowed their eyes menacingly which made Brittany falter slightly, suddenly feeling scared. They were all buff and tall, probably all bullies, and they stood their ground.

The boy holding the puppy shook it roughly which reminded Brittany of what she intended to do. She raced towards them and shoved the boy holding the pup roughly. He didn't stumble, and instead, used his free hand to push Brittany back slightly. They all laughed.

Santana, who was a few metres behind Brittany, suddenly saw red as the boy touched her girlfriend. She picked up the long stick which the other boy had dropped when he had seen Brittany and headed towards them.

One of the boys expressions faltered slightly as he noticed just how red-faced the Latina was, and he reluctantly took a step back. The other two boys didn't falter.

"Drop the dog," she hissed. The other boy just laughed and stared her down. "What are you going to do?" he sneered. Santana grinded her teeth together and Brittany looked at her helplessly.  
She grabbed Brittany's sleeve and tugged her behind her, before she looked up at the boys eyes. She quickly remembered that he had just shoved Brittany and she slammed the stick against the boys legs.

He didn't expect it, so he dropped instantaneously to the ground, clutching his knees where Santana had struck him in agony. His grasp on the pup released and it fell to the ground with a loud yelp.  
Brittany darted out from behind Santana and scooped it up into her arms like a baby. Santana held the stick threateningly, ready to hit them again if need be. "Let's go," the leader sneered to his friends. He muttered some insults under his breath, and he turned to walk away, but not before Santana scanned the logo that was present on all three of their shirts.

She imprinted it into her mind and watched them walk away, trying her hardest not to yell some of her old insults after them. She was a Lima Heights Adjacent girl at heart, after all.

"Should we go after them?" Brittany gasped, holding the white ball of fluff close to her chest. It whimpered softly. Santana looked at it for a few seconds. "No, they could be dangerous," she said, grinding her teeth together angrily. "They go to Pault High School. I saw it on their logos. I can call up the school and report them."

Santana wasn't particular fond of animals but she fucking hated people who were mean to them. She held her gaze as they completely disappeared out of view before she curved her arm back around Brittany's waist, unable to grab her hand because of Brittany's tight grip on the dog, and guided her back out the way they came.  
"We'll take a bus," she told Brittany, who was staring at the dog in her arms. "I don't feel like walking anymore."

"Neither," Brittany murmured. Santana kissed her gently on the cheek and they walked back to the bus stop. Brittany wrapped the puppy in her jacket in an effort to hide it.

Santana whipped out her phone as they found some empty seats and began to google the name of the school the boys most likely attended. She found the contact number and dialled it while Brittany tickled the puppy's nose gently, which it had stuck out from her jacket curiously.  
Santana said a few words once someone answered the phone and then she waited awhile, before she began to talk again, awhile later she hung up, looking satisfied.

"What happened?" Brittany asked as soon as Santana put away her phone. "The Principal sounds like a massive tree-hugger, and those three boys are pretty well-known bullies, so they're going to be in a deep load of shit come tomorrow," Santana shrugged. "Looks like they're going to get what they deserve."

Brittany nodded. She was happy but she couldn't smile. "That's good," she said and gave Santana the tiniest of smiles when she looked at her. "Thanks for that," Santana shrugged as if it were no big deal. If she thought that she could've taken them on without risking Brittany's safety she probably would have tried to put them in her place, but she supposed this idea was probably a lot better, and safer too for that matter.

"Do you think its someones?" Brittany asked, referring to the puppy who had now snuggled up against her chest. Santana peered over at the small white fluffball of a dog.

It was very small, probably the size of her head, and it was a kind of off-grey/brown colour, though Santana assumed that it was just from the dirt or whatever else it had been in, because she could see the white undertones in its fur. Its paws hung over Brittany's jacket, and Santana did a double take.

Its paws were almost the same size as its head, which meant that the puppy was going to be massive when it was older. Its ears were down and it looked up mournfully at her with big brown eyes. Santana turned away, she didn't need to fall in love with this random stray mutt because it was looking at her like she didn't have a soul.

"Probably not, it's too thin," she said. "We'll take it to the pound tomorrow, since it's shut now."  
Santana wasn't prepared for the small sting that she felt in her arm after that statement. "You can't leave this at the pound! What if no one collects it or adopts it?"

"Well what else are we going to do with it?" she asked as they clambered off the bus at their stop. "Keep it?"

Santana didn't dare look at Brittany because she knew that Brittany would be looking at her with her own puppy-dog eyes. "No way," she said firmly. "You can't take that poor thing on your plane, neither you or Sam know how to take care of a dog anyway."

"I meant keep it here in New York," Santana could hear the hopeful undertone in Brittany's voice. "No way," she said again. "The loft is way too small for a dog, plus Rachel and Kurt couldn't keep that thing alive if they tried."

"But it's small," Brittany was now pouting. She looked at the puppy and it looked back at her beseechingly. "Please San, I've always wanted a dog!"  
"No means no, Britt," though Santana's voice cracked when she heard Brittany say 'San' in such a sad tone. "Look at its paws, it's going to be one massive fucker when it grows up. Probably bigger than you."

"Even better," Brittany said lightly though she held the puppy up in front of her and looked at its paws. They were massive, but how big could this little thing grow? She held it closer to her. "It can be our baby."

A smile crept over Santana's lips and she let out a little laugh as they entered the elevator. "I'd love to keep it, but it's still a no, Britt, nobody has the time or space for a dog here."

"What if I said I was moving to New York?" Brittany continued earnestly. "Then could we keep-" she paused for a second, lifting up the dog again. "Her?"  
Santana turned around and gave her an apprehensive look. "Are you moving to New York?"

Brittany paused. "Well, no, but-"

"Then," Santana raised an eyebrow as they reached the front door. "End of discussion."

* * *

Santana opened the door, turning around to give Britt another look to not bring up the discussion of keeping the dog in front of Rachel, when she suddenly realised that Rachel was not alone on the couch. Her jaw dropped open.

"_Seriously Quinn?"_ she couldn't stop the grin from spreading over her face. "You couldn't keep your paws off Berry for more than a week?"

Quinn grinned back at her. "Could say the same for you, too," she said, nodding her head towards Brittany. "What are you doing here?"

"More like the question is what are you doing here?" Santana stepped in front of Brittany as she wrapped her arms around Quinn's shoulders. "Can't breathe," Quinn gurgled. Santana finally let her go and Quinn went to hug Brittany, but she stopped once she realised Brittany was holding something.

"What's that?" she asked and Brittany lifted the puppy out of her jacket. "It's a puppy! Her name is Duchess Boppington, but Bop for short."

Santana began to shake her head at Brittany but found it ultimately useless. When had Brittany named the thing anyway?  
By this time, Rachel had sprung up and was staring at the puppy with her mouth open. Quinn had squealed and tried to pick it up but she let go once she realised it was dirty. She wrinkled her nose.

"Santana!" Rachel exclaimed in a voice that was bordering on angry. "You can't just buy Brittany a puppy! She doesn't even live here!"

Santana turned to Rachel incredulously. "Why the fuck would I buy Brittany a puppy?"  
"She's been asking for one for like three years!" Rachel threw up her hands and then she realised her mistake at mentioning the three years when Santana wasn't a part of her life. "Didn't you notice when we visited her?" she amended.

Santana narrowed her eyes, briefly replaying any signs of Brittany asking for a puppy and then she realised that Rachel was right. It wasn't a spur-of-the-moment here's-a-puppy-let's-keep-it kind of thing, Brittany had actually wanted one for ages.  
She looked back at Brittany and the fluffy not-so-white ball in her arms and briefly wished that she could let Brittany keep the thing.

"Santana didn't buy it," Brittany explained. "Some boys were being mean to her and we saved her. We should be getting a medal or something, not being yelled at."  
Rachel looked at Brittany as if she were lying, then she turned to Santana and realised they were telling the truth. She looked at the puppy. It was really cute and a smile couldn't help taking over her face as she took in it's sharp brown eyes. "You better get it cleaned up, then."

"I'll help," Quinn grinned and she and Brittany disappeared into the bathroom before Santana could ask her what she was doing here, since she'd ignored Santana's question before.

"So are you keeping it or what?" Rachel asked, walking into the kitchen and holding out a plate of tofu or something equally as gross. Santana made a face and Rachel retracted her offer. "No, what the hell?" Santana sighed. "I'm taking it to the pound tomorrow."

"Brittany seems like she's in love with it," Rachel teased, putting her food in the fridge. Santana made another face. "She does not."

"Jealous of a dog?" Rachel continued and Santana wondered if it would hurt Rachel if she hit her with a newspaper. "No, but we can't keep it."  
"Seems like Brittany wants too," Rachel lifted an eyebrow at Santana and Santana gave her a look. "What are you getting at, Berry?"

"I'll wait for Quinn to tell you," Rachel shrugged. "It's a surprise."

Santana considered threatening Rachel until she told her but she decided to wait patiently for her girlfriend and Quinn to get out of the bathroom. They did a few minutes later and Santana quickly cornered her. "So what do you have to tell me, Fabray?" she asked as Brittany put the puppy on the floor for the first time.

She was a little damp, but her white fur fluffed up and made her look kind of like a cloud. She had a tail that curled up over her back that was twice as fluffy as the rest of her body, and her paws looked even larger when they were clean. Rachel knelt down on the floor next to it- no, 'Bop' and began to tickle her stomach. The dog waved its paws in the air in reply.

"Well, as you know, as a recent graduate of Yale.." she began, brushing her hair out of her face and curling it behind her ears.  
"No, I didn't know actually," Santana interrupted. She'd thought Quinn was about to graduate, not that she had already. "Well, you haven't graduated yet," Rachel interjected. "You just-"

"Let Fabray tell the story, she doesn't need you finishing her sentences like a married couple," Santana cut in before turning back to Quinn. "So?"

"Well what Rachel said," Quinn shrugged. "I'm almost finished though, and there's a law firm here in the city where the owner is friends with my mum so they offered me a fresh out of college job. It's a really lucky opportunity so I'm taking it. But it's only a starter job and I won't be making much so I can't afford to live by myself and I don't want to live with strangers so.."

"So she's going to live with us!" Rachel couldn't contain herself any longer. She clapped her hands and the puppy ran to her expectantly. Her and Brittany giggled.

"Wait, what?" Santana looked from Rachel to Quinn as if they were plotting some kind of terrible joke.  
Neither one of them gave anything away and Santana wasn't sure what to process first, though she did notice that Brittany's shoulders slagged slightly when Quinn had revealed what she was going to live with them.

"Trust me, I'm as happy as Berry over here," Santana smiled through her teeth as she jabbed a finger in Rachel's direction. "But we can't possibly all fit in this loft, like, Rachel and Kurt were reluctant to let me move in and I'm not even that fat."  
Rachel frowned at her. "Me and Quinn have been talking while you and Brittany were out, and we were thinking about moving."

Santana blinked. This loft had been her home for three years, and she had found comfort in it. Was she ready to leave it? To move onto something bigger?

"What's Kurt said about it?" she asked right as the front door opened. Kurt waltzed in rather dramatically, a suitcase lugging behind him. "Kurt thinks it's a great idea!" he exclaimed as he rushed forward to embrace Quinn and Brittany as she stood up, and the puppy wrapped itself behind Brittany's legs. Santana wondered if she was allowed to hit him because he had spoken in third person.

"But you guys love this loft," Santana interjected. "But there's a time to move on," Kurt replied, staring reminiscently at the oddly painted walls. "That's true," Santana said, looking back at Brittany and Bop. "So is this why you were suggesting we keep the dog, Rachel?"

"What dog?" Kurt asked and as if on cue, Bop bounded out into the middle of the loungeroom. Kurt squealed louder than Santana had ever in her entire life and rushed to the puppy, who took a few unsure steps back, but relaxed as Kurt began to move slower. "Whose dog is it?"

"Mine," Brittany said at the exact same time that Santana said, "The pounds" and Rachel said "Ours."  
Santana didn't know whether to glare at Brittany or Rachel first.

"No way! You guys adopted a puppy and didn't tell me?" Kurt looked upset. "Two dogs," Santana grinned, winking at Quinn. Rachel looked confused for a minute before she glared at Rachel. "We didn't adopt Quinn! And she's not a dog!"  
"Don't get your knickers in a knot Berry, I'm kidding," she said, then she turned to Kurt. "We saved her blah-de-blah blah, but she's not ours."  
"Her name is Bop," Brittany interrupted. "Duchess Boppington, she's going to get along great with Lord Tubbington."

Kurt briefly wished that he had been allowed to name the dog since Brittany had, well, interesting for lack of a better word, name choices. "I don't see the harm in keeping her, she's small," he said, gently lifting the dog in his arms. Bop struggled for a bit but then settled when Kurt began to stroke her.

"Do you guys know anything about dogs?" Santana said, exasperated, though she was sure this was an argument that she was losing terribly. "Look at its paws," Santana waved wildly. "That thing is going to be huge!"  
"Well we're going to have a bigger apartment," Kurt hummed, handing the puppy over to Brittany. "Right?"

"Yes," Rachel and Quinn said immediately. Santana stared at them with her mouth open. "Good," Kurt replied. "Because this dog would look great in Burberry. Have you seen those little trench coats they make for dogs? Adorable!"

"No-one cares," Santana said in a low voice. She put her head in her hands and she felt Brittany's arm around her back. "I've lost this battle, haven't I?" she muttered.  
Brittany beamed as she realised that Santana was going to keep the puppy. "Yes!" she said and then threw her arms around Santana.

She kissed her all over her face and the other three in the room looked at them frowningly, but Santana kept giggling, not laughing, giggling, and that was a sight they hadn't seen in a long time, so they turned their backs and pretended they weren't watching Brittany basically put her saliva all over Santana's face.

* * *

Santana moved uncomfortably. "Does the dog have to sleep in my bed?" she groaned, trying to look over at Brittany through the dog's white fur.

The puppy groaned in turn and moved onto its back, irritated by Santana's hot breath. Brittany's head popped up on the other side. "You can't make her sleep in the floor," she said. "She's too small, she'll get lost. If we keep her in the bed, then we'll make sure she won't get lost."

"We'll be asleep," Santana told her but she settled down into the bed, casually sliding the puppy downwards until it was smushed between their legs. Brittany giggled and she reached out to pat Bop's head, who let out a content sigh. "See, I'm already her favourite mummy."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Families don't have favourites."

Brittany came up to Santana's face surprisingly fast. "You're my favourite," she said in a breathy voice.

Santana grinned, clicking her tongue. "Naughty, naughty," she said and she kissed Brittany on the lips. She pulled back, and then leaned forward in order to kiss Brittany again, hard, this time, but was pushed back gently by Brittany. Santana raised an eyebrow at her.

"Not in front of Bop," Brittany whispered, gesturing to her lips and then moving her index finger back and forth. "It's inappropriate. She's still a child."

With that being said, Brittany settled back down onto her pillow, leaving one eye open to see Santana's reaction. Santana's jaw had dropped slightly and her gaze had moved to the puppy by their legs. "Cockblock," she muttered, but she too settled down, giving Brittany one last kiss on her temple.

* * *

AN: Quick chapter because I felt like taking a break between studying :) If anyone's interested, 'Bop' is a Maremma Sheepdog which is a dog you'd probably never find in NYC but this is my fanfic and that's the kind of dog I have at home, so ;)


	15. you're the one that i want

"There's so many boxes," Santana groaned, as she lugged a very badly taped up box from the outside hallway and into the living room.

Brittany was behind her, carrying two boxes, one on top of the other. She dumped them both on the floor next to where Santana had dumped hers and made a face at her.

"Well that's your fault! You have so much stuff!" she exclaimed. Santana pulled a face a her.

"Stop bickering and keep moving," Kurt grumbled under his breath as he walked past them with a box taped 'FRAGILE.'  
"Don't drop that box," Santana said mockingly after him. "It's got your manhood in it."

Brittany giggled and Kurt muttered a retort under his breath as he placed the box carefully outside one of the doors to the bedroom that he had claimed as his own.

It had been an entire week since they'd found Bop. Rachel had been so enthused about finally moving to a bigger, and apparently better, space that the next day she and Quinn were almost sure that they had found the perfect apartment, so the gang had trouped over to check it out, and it had been one of the dodgiest places that Santana had ever seen in her life, and that was saying something.

So the responsibility of finding another apartment fell onto Santana and Kurt. Santana had dumped most of the responsibility of it on Kurt using the excuse that 'Brittany is going home soon so I need to spend as much time with her as possible' even though Brittany was going to be here for another week. Still, one week was not long at all.

And finally two days ago, Kurt had decided he found 'the one.' The previous tenants had just left and it had just gone up on the market, so Kurt quickly booked a tour and when they had gotten there, all of them had been blown away, even Britt, who wasn't even going to live with them.

It was a four bedroom apartment, and although the bedrooms were small, they were proper bedrooms and not partitions of doonas and sheets. There was one main living space which was quite large, and then a kitchen off to the side.

The bathroom was also a lot bigger than their previous one, and they all figured that if they chipped in a little bit more, plus with Quinn's addition, they could just afford it.  
But it also meant extra shifts to keep up with it and Santana was definitely not looking forward to that.

Quinn came in next as Kurt went back outside again. She held Bop in her arms and Santana narrowed her eyes.  
"Has that thing grown since an hour ago?" she said almost accusingly as the puppy wiggled her nose at her. Santana rolled her eyes and disappeared to get some more boxes.

"Santana's secretly in love with you," Brittany bent down to eye-level with the puppy and kissed her gently above her nose. Quinn made a face and put Bop in the middle of a stack of boxes so that she couldn't run away.

Rachel bounced in next and Quinn raised an eyebrow at her as she wasn't carrying anything.  
"Shelby and Beth are here to help us unpack!" she announced, almost crashing into Santana who had overtaken her on the way to the living room.

"No way," Kurt sucked in his breath, and Santana, who had just passed him, stopped walking and looked at him questioningly, wondering why he was suddenly so surprised that Shelby and Beth were here when they were practically always around.

She followed his gaze from Shelby, who stood in the doorway, to Beth, who was wrapped around Shelby's left leg, to a figure standing frozen in the middle of the living room.

Quinn.

Shelby stared at her as if she had seen a ghost, and Quinn was looking at her with a mirrored expression. Rachel had stopped and it had suddenly occurred to her what was going on, and she could not believe for the life of her that she hadn't thought of this situation occurring sooner.

She had just been so glad that Quinn was going to move in with them that the thought of Beth being her biological child that she hadn't seen in years just hadn't crossed her mind.

The small body that had wrapped herself around Shelby's leg peered out from behind it.  
She had really liked where Rachel and the others lived so she was surprised that they had moved out, and she was also nervous, because there were two new people in this new apartment and she didn't know who they were.

She was always wary of strangers and although her mummy had told her that this was Rachel and the others new home, she still felt scared.

Quinn's eyes fell on Beth, and taking her entire appearance in was like being hit by a speeding train.  
She had the exact same shade of blonde hair that Quinn did, dark at the roots and then lighter as it went along, the same expressive eyebrows which right now were furrowed in an attempt to decide whether the two new blondes were indeed good people, and her curious hazel eyes matched Quinn's to the extent that if she were to look in a mirror with Quinn, she would realise the two of them were related.  
Her face however, seemed mainly influenced by Puck's, but still, it was very easy to see the resemblance between Quinn and Beth.

Quinn sucked her breath in sharply and the young girl could not figure out why this young lady was staring at her the way she was.  
Quinn just couldn't believe it, standing in front of her, taking her breath away, was her biological daughter.

She had grown up from her feud from Shelby and she finally understood, and accepted, that Beth was no longer hers in any way shape or form.

She had been once though, and maybe that's why Quinn was suddenly feeling a strong pull towards the young girl; an urge to scoop her up into her arms and hug her and kiss her rosy pink cheeks.

Rachel looked from Shelby to Quinn, then to Beth and continued to wonder how she had not possibly thought that this encounter would have occur.

She mentally chided herself but chirped a "Hi Shelby! Hi Beth! How are you today?" before opening the door wider, forcing them to come in and not just hover in the doorway.

All the while Quinn could not take her eyes of Beth. When she was younger, before she had gotten pregnant, she'd only ever wanted children for two reasons.

One was so she could dress them up in cute dresses and tie ribbons in their hair, but the second was just so she could see what they looked like.

She thought it was a curious thing that a child resembled a cross between both of his or her parents, and she'd always secretly hoped that her child would look more like her than her future husband, and seeing Beth now, though she knew she would not be allowed to tie ribbons in her hair or wave goodbye to her as she sent her off to school, her second reason seemed satisfied.

Though not hers, a miniature version of her stood right in front of her, in the flesh, and tears brimmed in her eyes as Beth suddenly let go of Shelby's leg and walked up to Quinn.

The young girl had decided that both of them looked nice, especially since Brittany had waved at her from where she stood behind Santana, and thus she would do the polite thing and introduce herself to them.

"My name is Beth," the young girl said before Shelby could stop her. She tried too, though, her hand was sticking out, as if she were reaching for her daughter although she was out of reach. Shelby regarded Quinn warily and Quinn could feel Shelby's gaze burn through her.

Quinn bit back the urge to say 'I know' as the scene between her and Puck at the hospital replayed in her mind. How could something so small grow up into this child in front of her?

"My name's Quinn," she said, her voice shaking, though Beth didn't seem to notice. She bounced her blonde ringlets up and down and Quinn wondered if someone in Puck's family had the same perfect curls, because she sure didn't.  
"It's very nice to meet you."

Beth smiled, a warm smile in where her perfect small pink lips curved up into a smile that reached her eyes in a few milliseconds. "You too," she said before she walked over to Brittany and waved back at the other excited blonde. "Hi! My name's Beth!"

Brittany bent down and scooped Beth up under her armpits and swung her around. Beth giggled wildly and Shelby relaxed ever so slightly. "I'm Brittany!" she said as she swung her around once more before placing her back gently on the ground. She reached forward and tapped Beth on the nose. "You're wearing a very pretty dress, it matches your eyes."

Beth's nose crinkled. "Thank you," she said shyly, her cheeks turning ever so pink. She turned around and scampered back to Shelby.

"This is a nice place," Shelby said woodenly, one eye on Quinn and the other eye on her daughter.  
"Thanks," Kurt said, hoping to break the awkward silence that had settled over them. "I picked it." He side-eyed Rachel and Quinn. Rachel shrugged sheepishly, but Quinn was still frozen.

Santana and Brittany exchanged a glance. "Beth, do you like puppies?" Brittany asked the young girl solemnly from across the room. Beth turned around, her curls bouncing as she did so which made Quinn swallow hard, and looked at Brittany excitedly. "Yes, why?"

Brittany beckoned for her to come over and Santana relaxed slightly as she noticed Shelby finally exhale a breath of air. She reached into the middle of the stacks of boxes and lifted Bop out, dangling her in front of Beth.

Beth squealed, and Bop, who had apparently fallen asleep, looked at her with sleepy eyes. Rachel shut the front door, glad to have something to do, and Brittany fell cross-legged onto the floor, placing Bop in her lap. Beth got down onto all fours so that she was eye-level with the dog. "She's cute!" Beth gushed. "Is she yours?"

"Yes, she is," Brittany said. "Do you want a cuddle?"

Beth nodded in awe, and her grin almost reached her eyes as Brittany placed the puppy in her leg. Bop was massive compared to the tiny Beth, and the puppy instantly swamped her in kisses. Beth giggled loudly.  
Shelby sat down on one of the bigger boxes in the kitchen, watching her daughter rigidly and ignoring Quinn's gaze.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Santana asked Brittany and Beth. She had been watching Quinn and Shelby and sensed that since Shelby and Beth were such a massive part of Rachel's life, then they would eventually have to be in Quinn's life too if they were all going to live together.  
They needed to talk it out like adults and she knew they weren't if Beth was going to be present.

"Can we take Bop?" Beth asked excitedly, hugging the puppy tightly around the waist. Bop's legs splayed unevenly to the side and she cocked her head at the new sound of a higher-pitched voice. Brittany shrugged a yes. They hadn't taken Bop out before but she had had her vaccinations so she supposed it was okay.

She scanned the room for the box labelled 'Bop' and found the matching pink leash to Bop's collar and clicked it on. Bop looked unsure and Brittany picked her up as Santana held out her hand to Beth.

"Was that okay?" Santana asked Shelby warily. Shelby nodded, looking slightly relieved. She mouthed a 'thanks' at Santana who just gave her a reassuring smile, and then the four of them left the apartment.

* * *

"Nice to see you again, Shelby," Quinn had tried to make her voice come out normal but it came out strained instead.

Kurt and Rachel exchanged a look and Rachel mumbled something about unpacking the boxes since they'd got them all inside the apartment, and she quickly took Kurt by the wrist and dragged him into one of the bedrooms, shutting the door.

"You too, Quinn, you turned into a lovely young woman," Unlike Quinn's, Shelby's voice came out normal. She felt more relaxed now that Beth wasn't here, and she was being completely honest.

If Quinn had been stunning in high school, then there were no words to describe how beautiful Quinn was now. She had really come into herself.

"Thank you," Quinn said politely, sitting down on a box closer to Shelby.

"This is a very nice place," Shelby nodded to the empty walls and empty floors. Soon enough they would be full of everybody's stuff, but not yet.

"It is," Quinn agreed. She hung her head slightly. "Kurt was lucky enough to find it. Rachel and I tried to find an apartment but that turned out to be a bust," she let out a low laugh and Shelby's stomach turned as she realised how alike Quinn's laugh was to Beth's.

Shelby smiled politely and an awkward silence passed through the room for a few beats. It was so quiet that Quinn could hear her heart beating in her chest.

She briefly wondered what Rachel and Kurt were doing in that one room. Perhaps they'd moved boxes into it and were unpacking it if it was one of there's. She wished at least Rachel would come out so it wouldn't be so awkward, but she doubt that was going to happen.

So she decided to speak, after all, this tension between the two women could not remain forever, for anybody's sake.  
"I know you must think this is awkward, and I had no idea before I moved in here that you were close with Rachel and -"

"It's okay," Shelby cut her off and Quinn looked at her warily, studying her facial expressions and making sure that Shelby wasn't angry that she had brought up the elephant in the room.

Shelby gave Quinn a hesitant smile which Quinn tried her best to return.

"I know you wouldn't do anything like this on purpose. Rachel talks about you a lot, you guys are close. She says you've done a lot of growing up since high school, and now that you're here, I can see that for myself."

Quinn exhaled, feeling relieved that Shelby wasn't going to hold the really stupid things she did in high school against her. She nodded loftily. "I have changed; grown up. I know that you're Beth's mother and I respect that fully. I was so silly back in high school and I apologise for that."

She really was sorry. Looking back now, her actions embarrassed her terribly. She was glad that Puck had never brought it up. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as she began to feel embarrassed just by thinking about it.

She didn't know that Rachel and Shelby had such a close relationship but she loved Rachel, so she was going to make sure that there was no awkwardness between her and Shelby for her.

Shelby didn't say anything, but merely nodded. They were quiet again for awhile until Shelby spoke gently. "I don't mind if you're in Beth's life. I would still like you to be, if that's what you want."

* * *

"This is the first time Bop has ever been out on a leash," Brittany told Beth, making sure that Beth was gripping the leash tightly. Beth nodded, knowing that walking Bop was a serious job.

They took a few steps but Bop seemed reluctant to walk with them. She sat on the ground instead, almost scowling at them with her doggy features.

Santana chuckled. "Looks like you have your work cut out for you," she called lightly as she caught up to them, shrugging a thin blue cardigan over her blouse. Brittany pulled a face and Beth watched them both seriously, before she fixated her gaze on Bop.

Beth tugged tightly and Bop threw her head back indignantly, not wanting to be pulled along the streets by the leash. Santana laughed again, and people began to walk by, smiling at the scene that was unfolding on the sidewalk.

"You're no help!" Brittany scolded Santana as she pushed Bop lightly, trying to get her to walk. Santana shrugged. "You have to walk alongside the gutter," Santana reminded her.

"Don't you know the rules of walking dogs in New York?" There was a slight pause before she added, "If you can even walk your dog."

Brittany frowned at her again, but as Beth began to skip along, Bop got up and followed her, trying to grab the leash in her tiny teeth as they both galloped along the side walk. Brittany clapped her hand excitedly and raced after them quickly, enveloping Beth's tiny hand in her own.

"I hope you brought a plastic bag in case the dog shi- goes to the toilet," Santana called after them. Neither Brittany or Beth made any gestures to show that they had heard her and Santana watched them walk away until she realised they were leaving her behind.

"Wait for me!" she exclaimed as she raced after them, having some slight difficulty in her flats. Brittany turned around and raised an eyebrow but neither her or Beth turned to wait for her. Santana huffed and puffed as she reached them.

"You guys are meanies!"

Beth giggled, looking up at Santana. She was holding Brittany's left hand with her right hand, Bop's leash clenched tightly in between their fingers.

She held out her right hand to Santana and Santana took it, a warm feeling surging through her as the four of them made their way through the street, earning fond and kind smiles from everyone they passed as soon as they noticed how cute Beth and Bop both were.

Both Santana and Brittany were feeling the same warm feeling that the other was feeling. Walking down the street with Beth and Bop felt a lot like a family dynamic.

Beth was their adorable daughter and Bop the family dog. Neither of them said anything about it out loud in fear of being weird but they were both thinking it.

When they were teenagers everything had always been about 'relationships' and never about 'family.' Now that the two girls had grown into women, it was about family. Both of them smiled at the thought.

"'Tana?" Beth's voice piped up, knocking Santana's thought right out of her head. She blinked confused for a few seconds before she looked down at the little girl. "Yes, Beth?"

"I'm a little hungry," Beth hopped on foot from the other. She was a normally polite girl and she hated asking anyone that wasn't her mother or her teacher for anything, but she'd been naughty and she hadn't eaten the apple that her mother had told her to eat before they'd left to visit Rachel.

"Let's go to that cute little cafe we visited yesterday!" Brittany said excitedly, which made Bop yap excitedly in response. Beth giggled and Santana smiled. "Alright," she agreed. "Do you want a piggyback?" Brittany really missed her younger sister. She hadn't seen her for about half a year though they skyped several times a week, she still missed her dearly. Beth kind of reminded her of her.

"Yes," Beth said shyly. She really liked Brittany, since Brittany was basically a child in an adults body. She briefly remembered the other blonde woman back in the apartment and wondered why she had been a lot quieter than Brittany. Maybe she hadn't had her nap. Beth got pretty grouchy when she hadn't had her nap, after all.

Beth held her arms out and Brittany crouched down. She wrapped her tiny arms around Brittany's neck and Brittany bounced back up, causing Beth to giggle again.

Santana held out her hand for Bop's leash and she suddenly began to sprint down the street. "We're beating you," she hollered childishly back at Brittany. Brittany craned her head to the side. "Are you holding on tight?" she asked.

"Are we going to race them?" Beth gasped. She wriggled slightly in Brittany's grasp and tightened her grip on Brittany's neck so tight that Brittany felt like she was about to choke. "Yes," she croaked out. "Ready?"

She felt the little girl nod against her head and she began to sprint down the street after Santana, not caring how strange they all must look. The wind in her face felt exhilarating, and she loved that when she blinked and her gaze cleared, Santana was standing right in front of her, in the flesh, in all her radiance.

"We're here," Santana stuck her tongue out at Brittany cheekily as they reached the cafe. They chose an outside seat and Beth decided to sit opposite them because she wanted them to 'sit together.' They tied Bop around the table leg and Bop settled down, placing her giant head on her giant paws, with a giant sigh. They all gigged.

Beth put her chin in her hands, staring from Santana to Brittany and then back again. Brittany tilted her head questioningly at the little girl. "What's wrong?" she asked softly.

"You don't look related," Beth stated, sticking the edge of her tongue out of the corner of her mouth as if she were deep in thought. "Are you guys best friends?"

Santana and Brittany exchanged a look. "No," Santana spoke up first. "Brittany is my girlfriend." Brittany broke out into a big smile, which made Beth smile too.

Santana reached for Brittany's hand under the table, and once their hands were linked, finger to finger, she lifted their joined hands up onto the table proudly.

"I thought only boys could have girlfriends," Beth said, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. "A boy at pre-prep told me that I was his...girlfriend, but he's gross. Boys are gross."

"They are," Santana said seriously, then she broke out into a fit of giggles. "Girls can have boyfriends or girlfriends. Boys can also have boyfriends and girlfriends."

"Like Kurt and Blaine," Beth stuck her thumb in her mouth. Brittany exchanged a look with Santana. She had definitely gotten Quinn's brain, as she was exceptionally bright for her age. Thank god she hadn't got Puck's.

Santana nodded. "Just like that." She decided not to overload Beth with 'gay' information. Shelby could do that when she wanted, but she wanted Beth to know that she loved Brittany. They were more than best friends, they were lovers too.

"So, it's like if Mulan and Aurora got together instead of them getting with their princes?" Beth pressed further on the topic. She pointed at Santana as she said 'Mulan' and Brittany when she said 'Aurora.'

Brittany raised an eyebrow and then laughed at the thought of Santana being anything like Mulan. "I think she's suggesting that I get together with Tina instead," she whispered in Santana's ear, which earned her a loud slap on the arm.

"It's exactly like that, sweetie," Santana told Beth as she huffed at Brittany who grinned cheesily in response. A tall girl with dark hair came and stood by their table. She wore an apron and held a small notebook in her hands. She looked at all three of them with an unusually large smile on her face.

"Hi! My name's Sandra! I'll be taking your orders today, what can I get you?"

"Hmm," Santana opened the menu. She'd been so amused before that she hadn't bothered to check what food she wanted.

"Strawberry cheesecake with an extra strawberry!" Santana raised an eyebrow. Had Brittany even looked at the menu? She shot a questioning look at her and Brittany just stared at her with a cool gaze. She'd actually seen the picture of the strawberry cheesecake on the cafe window.

"Just a coffee, thanks," Santana said, closing the menu and placing it back on the table.  
"'Tana, can I please have a strawberry cheesecake too?"  
Santana smiled. "Of course, but tell the lady, not me."

Beth turned shyly to the woman, or Sandra. "Can I please have a strawberry cheesecake too?" she asked shyly. Her tone was so low that Santana was quite impressed that she had heard her. "Of course sweetie," Sandra noted a quick mark on her notebook before she disappeared.

Beth rested her head in both of her hands and quietly observed Santana and Brittany as they bickered over one of the display signs in the window. She stared at Bop, who looked back up at her with big brown eyes and she beamed back at the puppy.

"You're lying!"  
"The only lying I'm going to be doing is in bed with you!"  
"Santana! You can't say that kind of thing in front of Beth!" Brittany looked at her horrified. She reached over the table and tried to cover Beth's ears as she giggled. "Bad Santana!"

"She's probably heard worse, she lives with Shelby," Santana stuck her tongue out at Brittany who rolled her eyes.  
"Shelby's pure as," Brittany shrugged. She didn't actually really know Shelby but she didn't want Beth to think they were actually serious in teasing her mother.

Santana sniffed in response. "Where's my coffee? I'm going to need it to get through the rest of this day."

* * *

Santana stood with her arms crossed at the edge of the dog park, watching Beth and Bop chase each other. A small Jack Russel had joined in the fun and the three of them were running around in circles. Brittany stood there, smiling and as Santana turned to fixate her gaze on her, she wondered how long this happiness would last.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," Santana sighed, her lips tugging down at the corners. The thought of things changing again regarding her and Brittany tugged at every single cell in her body and made them uneasy.

"So do I," Brittany replied, not looking at her. She seemed very focused on Beth and Bop and Santana assumed it was because she didn't want to meet her eye.

Brittany didn't want this simple bliss to end either. It all seemed so great, Santana had taken time off work and she only went to the compulsory classes at NYADA so she could spend as much time with Brittany as possible.

Without work, school, other people or distance in the way, life was perfect. But after next week, all of those would be put in place _again. _It made this relationship a lot of effort and though both of them were up for it, it pained and hurt them both.

"What's going to happen after you go back to Massachusetts?" Santana sucked in her breath as she asked. Brittany turned to her slowly, frowning slightly as she registered the question.

She tried to reach for Santana's hand but Santana stepped back slightly, her head inclining to her right, waiting for an answer first before she would allow her body to respond.

Brittany opened her mouth, ready for an easy answer to flow from her lips but she realised there was nothing.  
They had been lucky; they had gotten together, something the other had wanted for such a long time, then they had been together in Massachusetts, and now they were together in New York.

But they would separate again soon and although Bop's future with Santana was secure; Brittany's was not.

"A long distance relationship will be different for us now," Brittany decided that was the best thing to say. "We're older."

"We're still the same," Santana replied. "We still both go to college, and we both have jobs, which makes it more complicated. Being older and age have nothing to do with this."

"I can fly here whenever," Brittany shrugged. She didn't care about any financial implications, all she knew was that making Santana happy made her happy and she'd do whatever it took to make her smile.

She turned to Santana almost shyly. "And didn't you say that you were coming to visit me again when I go through my treatment? That's soon, right?"

Brittany's voice was meant to be light and teasing but she wasn't so sure that Santana understood the tone.  
Santana nodded slowly, closing her eyes briefly, because Brittany undergoing surgery wasn't something she particularly wanted to comprehend right now.

"Yeah, of course," she said, taking Brittany's hand in her own and offering her a small smile. "When you need me I'll come to you too."  
Santana knew everything would be okay in the end, but she still needed a lot of reassurance now.

"Then it'll work," Brittany said simply. Sometimes things really were in just black and white, sometimes there was no grey.  
Brittany had been in, well supposedly, a lot of 'relationships' but the one with Santana was the only one that she would go to any lengths to save.

She'd fallen out with so many people, friends, best friends, other people, other lovers, all the time. She wondered if it was because she had never really put anything except sex into the relationship.

It was different with Sam, of course, but both of them knew that they were much better off as best friends and roommates.

And it was different with Santana, and that was because Santana was her _one._

"As long as we both want it too, it will, Santana. Just believe. _You _are the one that I want."

Santana wanted to put more thought into this; it was just something of her nature, to make sure that everything in the future was set in stone, but Brittany's voice reminded her of the reality they were facing and she decided to try and let it go in the meantime.

She shut her eyes, and lifted Brittany's hand to her mouth and feeling her soft skin against her lips. "Yeah," she murmured.

She gently placed a kiss on the back of Brittany's hand before she let their enclasped fingers fall back to their sides.

Santana had never really fully trusted anyone to give them her entire emotional capacity. She had been so closed off, all anybody ever knew was the front she put up.

But with Brittany, she was open, no consequences considered. When she told people that she wouldn't do anything, she would stick to her word, even when she was wrong, but with Brittany, it only took her 0.2 seconds to be grovelling in front of Brittany's feet.

And to make Brittany happy, she would have to trust that they would be okay far away from each other until they managed to find a way to be together physically, all the time.

No one had ever been prioritised before, but now Brittany was a first priority.

Santana nestled her head into Brittany's shoulder. "We'll take it as it comes." She silently promised herself to try and stop being so worried about this relationship, it was her and Brittany, it was meant to be.

Brittany nodded, feeling Santana's warm hair against her cheek. She used her free hand to wrap it around Santana's waist and draw her to her as close as she could possibly get. "One day we'll never have to say goodbye, just goodnight."

* * *

AN: Exam period isn't over yet (almost though :D) which is why this chapter seemed a bit short. Sorry guys!

Sorry this chapter focused a lot on Quinn but I kind of did the whole Quinn/Beth/Shelby thing for me since Shelby and Beth kind of just disappeared from Quinn's life altogether at the end of s3 and that kind of bugged me, but yeah! Next chapter is alllllll Brittana (and the rating will go up to M for reasons ;))


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